My relationship with my wife sucks! Neither of us treats each other very well (more of a zero interaction arrangement) and she hasn't slept in my bed for 2 years. My son has been bad-mouthing his mother when he talks to me even though I tell him that he is wrong for doing so and that he must respect and love his mother. He complains about the same behaviors that have pushed us apart (a lot of control and anxiety issues and inappropriate prioritizing - you'll have to trust me on this).
I'm not sure how much of this is the normal pulling away of an adolescent boy from his mother or whether it's my fault for having expressed frustration and no longer having a intimate affectionate relationship with his mother. Either way, what do I do? And don't say talk to her - she doesn't hear anything that she doesn't want to hear.
It's really scaring me to think my son doesn't respect his mother and might not love her.
2007-01-11 12:33:24 · 9 answers · asked by Hank Hill 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
It is a normal part of growing up but you have to try to be more of a good role model for your son. You are teaching him how to treat women and I'm sure you want him to have healthy relationships. I know it is hard but if you and your wife fight, try to do so out of earshot of him. About the sleeping arrangements, just tell him you both decided it was better to sleep apart due to problems with sleeping in the same room e.g. snoring or whatever. It is a white lie but it is not really his business what your sex lives are. Nor does he want to know. You have to keep up telling him to respect his mom. Even if she is unreasonable, take the high road. So it is not your fault in it is a part of his age but you must try to make this poor relationship with your wife much less obvious to your son as best as you can. Keep telling him that she loves him, parents are people too and sometimes make mistakes- things like that. In time he will mature and see the problems for what they are. Never bad mouth her around him and when he does it, tell him it is not acceptable. Even if you listened before, tell him that you no longer find it acceptable and that he must learn to respect her. This will go into other authority figures if you do not try to stop it now. He has to go out into the real world and learn to respect people in authority (like his boss) even when he doesn't feel like it. The sooner he learns this, the better. Try family counseling if all else fails. And even if she is a mess, you have to be consistent. Good luck.
2007-01-11 14:33:13 · answer #1 · answered by angelina123 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your his role model. I'm not saying your not justified in your feelings about your wife, but if you have zero relationship, why are you still together? What are you teaching your child? To be miserable? You don't have respect or love for her so he doesn't either. I really think that, without meaning to, you are teaching your son to have the very behavior and feelings you are complaining about. You are telling him do as I say and not as I do. And that just doesn't work.
2007-01-11 20:42:23 · answer #2 · answered by Rairia 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am pretty sure it's the age. My 14 (almost 15) year old son is very disrespectful to me at times but not his father (my husband will not put up with it) I am a little more tolerable , not to say I don't call him on it every time. Does it bother her? If so she needs to address it and put a stop to it. It could have something to do with comments that were made but chances are since everyone gets frustrated he more than likely sees it for himself.
2007-01-11 21:24:26 · answer #3 · answered by mcsmidge 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I taught Jr High in an urban district, and I've seen this many times. Someone is modeling this behavior. It may be the music he listens to, his peers, his non-family role models, anyone. Maybe the boy is hearing you say more than you think. School guidance counselors, clergy, his friends' parents and even close teachers can be great resources. It IS normal behavior. He is asking for you to set boundaries, and you are doing a great job because you realize this and are asking for help!
2007-01-11 20:49:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its normal. When your maturing you get mood swings. But dicpline him or he'll do it even more. Dont shout at hime explain to him in a good manner. Ground him if you have to so he can think about what he did. But yah, its part of growin up.
2007-01-11 20:38:45 · answer #5 · answered by Cutie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's normal. At younger ages they love their mother, but as they grow older they tend to take their father/ father figure as their main rolemodel, if they don't have any older syblings. If you show some disrespect to her, he probably might too.
2007-01-11 21:06:11 · answer #6 · answered by wolveslover1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should all go for family counciling and if your wife doesnt want to go then you and your son should go.He may also be picking up on her feelings for him and reacting to them does she tell him that she loves him or show any effection for him.
2007-01-15 04:58:57 · answer #7 · answered by shelly f 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
going through a phase. f he gets violent then its problem. i suggest getting a book called "Raising Cain". It is a book about raising boys.
2007-01-11 20:38:03 · answer #8 · answered by mn10230315 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its normal cause hes going thru a teenage phase in his life
2007-01-11 20:42:21 · answer #9 · answered by barkleyferguson 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋