My husband and I want to have another baby?

Question

but we don't know if we can handle it...we have a 4 year old who was not planned and I think I am scared this time. I don't know if I can handle it. Our daughter is a handful, she is the only grandchild on both sides and has been able to get away with everything. We want one so badly. I raised our baby alone and I am afraid he will not be as helpful has I would like...I don't know what to expect. Our parenting styles are different...I say yes he says no...she can do that, I say no?

1. How to prepare daughter for new baby?
2. How to prepare finacialy?
3. How to help myself get over my fear?

I have talked to my husband but he says we will make it work. Man of few words.

Help me please???

Answer 1

Unless something goes against your morals I would back your husband. It may not be what "you" would do/say/think etc. but it will save argument.(something kids don’t need to be around) And your 1st daughter will respect your husband (& someday hers) more. You should trust your husband more, that he wouldn't put you in a bad situation.

Sit down with him and discuss what he thinks appropriate behavior standards you should set in her life (not just at home) you are her parents. Your parents should abide by your rules when it comes to your child!

Getting her behavior under control will help get her ready for a sibling. She can be your helper! Kids feel a great sense of self worth when they are given tasks, which they themselves can complete... They love your attention & approval! Then just read & talk to her about a new brother/sister.

Preparing financially is another area where you & your husband need to be committed to being on the same page. Talk it out with him, don't be afraid to share your opinions but don't be afraid of his either.

I truly believe your fear will subside when things get under control. True love casts out all fear. Trust your husband, he will step up to the plate! (It has taken me 9 years to let go & trust my husband. Even thought he doesn't do everything the way I think it should be done his ways work too. When guys don't get shut down all the time they stop withdrawing and start participating... Check out the book Surrendered Wife. Very eye opening. Have Faith!

Answer 2

You can get those books like "i'm a big sister" and "when I was inside mommy" to discuss babies. I had a baby in March and my son was 4 at the time. He is a total handfull and it's been great. I can direct his energy into helping me with things, getting me a diaper or picking up toys in the evening. It's been really surprising.

Financially you should start picking up items as soon as possible. Check craigslist and ebay for everything from a crib to a baby bjorn. You'll be able to do it all on a shoestring budget- seriously. Do what you can to put away money- especially if you will formula feed or need daycare. I found a nanny on craigslist for no more then I would have paid to put ONE into daycare!

If you are still fearful then perhaps you do need to wait. Maybe you need to get some counseling to get on the same page with your parenting styles before having another kid.

Answer 3

you sound really conflicted. You say 'I don't know if I can handle it' and 'we don't know if we can handle it', but at the same time, 'We want one so badly'...I think you really need to look deeply...you clearly know why you don't want another, but why do you want another child? Are you prepared to do it alone again...the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Talk and action are two separate things. Figure out the 'pros' exactly to try to figure out what is going on. Do you feel like you meet your daughters needs currently? If she is to not 'get away with everything', that is on her parents. And, if that is not taken care of (her getting away with everything), you will have an even bigger problem when the new baby comes as she will have even more unreasonable expectations. I think you really need to be 100% (or at least 90%) sure before you do this. Maybe a counselor could help the two of you figure it out and perhaps get a few more words out of your husband so that YOU can know what to expect from him.

Answer 4

Well if i were you i would try very hard to get my husband to really talk about it.

as for preparing your daughter i would think just making the baby something she looks forward to as well "because mommy will need her help so much" and "the baby needs a big sister to love it and teach it" things like that.

financially... dunnno

to get over your fear- discussing your fears with your husband and really talking through them should help.

good luck

Answer 5

I think it's great. My 3 children are part of the 10 grand children and there is nothing better. Your legacy will live longer and be more powerful. You can handle it. Don't be afraid. Get over your fear by not listening to others. Only surround yourself with positive people and you will be positive. Financially, I know just the thing. I am a customer of Melaleuca and I make extra money every month by refering others to be customers as well. No delivering or stocking, You need to get all the toxins out of your house anyhow since you have a little one. Check out my website at www.workathomeunited.com/jennifertheos It will change your life forever. Jennifer

Answer 6

you can't let your little girl grow up to be a spoiled brat. it won't be cute when she's 13 and sneaking out of the house. chances are she won't be excited about sharing the attention with a new baby. so start talking to her about it now so she'll get used to the idea.

save as much money as possible

I'm not sure about the third one. my son was planned and i am scared to get pregnant again.

you both need to come to an agreement on parenting styles. if you are inconsistent, your kids will take advantage of you and everyone else they can.

Answer 7

one thing I can say is that having a second child in our home has been wonderful because they entertain one another. (this means I don't have to play hide and seek all the time!)

Answer 8

We will make it work or you will make it work. Besides, you have fears. Maybe you should wait a little while.

Answer 9

if you want it bad enough you will make it work together