Is it okay that I don't enjoy socialising?

Question

By socialising I mean going to clubs, pubs and bars. I'm not some crazy loner, I have loads of friends, and I love spending time with them, and I'm always happy and relaxed around my mates, but for some reason I can't stand going out at night. After every night out I come home feeling really bad about myself like I'm a total f*cking loser, and wishing I hadn't wasted my time. I don't go out trying to get laid so it isn't rejection that bothers me because that never happens. Pubs and bars are okay-ish, but it's clubs that really bother me, the music is always sh*t, and I always leave with no self-esteem whatsoever. I've spoken to my friends about it and they always look at me like I'm insane and can't believe I don't enjoy going out partying. It doesn't help that I'm both IRISH and a STUDENT, which makes not going out almost impossible. What do you think, does anyone else feel the same as me?

Answer 1

I think we are soul mates!! Just kidding but I feel exactly the same. I absolutely hate going out at night, and like you, I can handle pubs and bars but clubs are right out. Only my problem isn't only self-esteem, it's that I don't drink or do drugs - and unfortunately those places aren't any fun unless you're off your head. So because I don't drink and I don't have the confidence to just get out there and dance, when all my friends go off and dance and I'm left sitting alone that just makes me hate myself more. I think to myself 'god, why can't you just get over yourself and go and dance, you're so boring!' These days I have given up going out to those places and luckily my friends understand and don't pressure me anymore, they just invite me to things they think I'll like. Maybe you should just slowly stop going out, and eventually your friends, if they're real friends, will stop harassing you about it and do other things with you. But then there's that feeling that you're on the outer, like they know something you don't. I get that sometimes when we get together and my friends are all talking about what an awesome night they all had and I wasn't there.
ANYWAY....Sorry about that spiel, you probably wanted a simple "yes, I understand"! I hope it all works out for you and you don't feel like a lone non-partyer anymore : )

Answer 2

I feel exactly the same. It's okay if partying isn't your thing. That's good, actually. You never get anything out of it. It's not productive. Don't let the social standard corner you into partying when you don't want to. Tell your friends straight out that you just don't like partying and clubbing. If they can't be understanding then they have some problems. Try making some friends who enjoy staying in for the night or who have the same interests. No offense, but your friends sound real lousy.

Answer 3

Yeah. I'm like that too. There is nothing wrong with being a homebody. Actually, its more fun. Instead of getting drunk and pissing on yourself, you get to sit and watch your friends try and drink out of the toilet and do other infinitely stupid things.

If you really feel that bad about it, pick the things that you enjoy and try to join a club that focuses on those things. We have an irish club at my school. There are also clubs for history people, etc. Pretty much, there is something for everyone. So why not venture out and find whatever fits you.

Bottom line is dont be afraid to be you. Once you join the club, you will probably meet new people and maybe even find friends that are a little more accepting of you.

...just food for thought...

Answer 4

I don't like going to bars or clubs either. Most of the time the music is too loud to be able to carry on a converstation without screaming at eachother and plus people are so liquored up that they don't really act like themselves anway, so a person you meet one night that seems so fun, might be boring and quiet in their everyday life. I'd rather hang out at home or a friends house any day.

Answer 5

You are right! If you don't feel comfortable then just don't go.
There are other things to do besides going out with friends and
watching them act stupid on account that they had too much to
drink or are high as a kite. There are movies, skating, bowling,
all kind of games and sports. Then there is just staying home and reading a great book, or on the computer. Don't ever do something while feeling uncomfortable about it just to please others cause then you wouldn't be you. Feel secure in knowing that there are others who feel exactly the same way you do. God bless you.

Answer 6

I know one thing, a lot of people that are the lige of the party now are the alcoholics of the future. Sometimes you can be popular now and ruin your life. I hate all the noise, uh. besides you lose your identity. Look at me, now I'm Rena. How did that happen. Rena, are you there? Did you ever get the wrong name on your posts? Could this cause an identity crisis?

Answer 7

Wow, you literraly just said EVERY thing I've been wanting to say about myself but reverse it all cuz i am a girl :) Maaan.... I hate going out. It seems like after going out to my friends parties and stuff makes my self esteem drop to -0....it sucks. Either i dont know how to socialize or Im just not a socializable person. And I dont want t orefuse the offer cuz I think that im gonna be more socializing the next time but nah im the same....... i think its fine to not go out all the time. I dont care if people think im boring.

Answer 8

I feel the same way. I would rather sit somewhere quite with my friends and actually talk to them. Clubs/pubs suck!!! Whats the point, it is a waste. Don't worry, you're not a freak. Your friends just need to grow up a little, and they will.

Answer 9

Is it because you can't dance?
I love clubs, but NOT if the music is bad, in which case there is no point being there at all.
Do you not like any club music? How about trying different genres, like gabber (yeah, right where??), hardcore techno, trance, garage, drum&bass, etc... rather than just crappy commercial?
Or maybe live music venues?

Answer 10

everybody has a different way of viewing things. partying isn't important to you, you have higher standards for yourself than just finding some chick at a pub or bar....you have other things in mind about having fun..its just like someone who doesn't like to attend a sporting event...they say they don't like football, and tehy hate the games...her friends say she's weird for not liking it...but in actuality, people, you and i, all have ideas of having fun, some people like the club and teh music, you don't, its not a problem, its reality, your different, deal with it. and i mean different in a good way...