Is it okay for your husband to watch porn?

Question

I am kind of lost on the issue..I am not sure if this situation is something I should worry about or not. My husband watches porn every so often behind my back and if I am there and I don't feel like having sex. I've asked him to stop several times but he wont. I even blocked the porn channel with a code and he somehow figured out the code and changed it. He will not give it up! He doesn't constantly watch it, but enough to make me mad. I am still young and attractive so I don't know why he is resorting to other pleasure. It is so important to him that there would be nothing that I could say or do to make him stop. Is this a problem? I am not going to want to have intercourse every time he asks me to and I don't think I should have to worry about him threatening me with porn if I don't.

Answer 1

I'm going to put down a few thoughts I have on pornography and how maybe you can meet in the middle on this. But first, I have to say that what's most upsetting about your husband's behavior is the fact that he tries to hide it, lies about it and goes behind your back. I suspect your being so upset has as much to do with him going back on his word as it has with the pornography. On the other hand, I bet your partner's answer to this would be ''If she didn't ban it, I wouldn't have to hide it from her.'' By making such a fuss, you're actually making porn even more exciting for him because you're making it even more forbidden.

Now, I'm going to assume we're talking fairly standard pornography here, the adult male-female type. (If by porn you mean anything that involves torture, violence or children, that is a different story.) If it is standard porn, there are a few concerns I can dismiss straight away. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you or find you attractive. It doesn't mean he wants you to look like or do the things the women in the pictures are doing. Ask the average guy why he looks at porn and the answer is usually ''Because it's fun.'' It's all about men being able to separate sex and love, and truly, in 95 percent of cases, there's nothing particularly sinister about it at all. It doesn't mean he wants to be unfaithful in real life, just in his fantasy. That doesn't mean you won't feel a twinge if you catch him lusting after some girl with legs up to her armpits and breasts the size of watermelons. But truly, it does not mean he finds these other women more attractive than you. Truly! Porn is just something naughty that men do.

Answer 2

From my perspective as a conservative person I don't think that's right. The first hint was that YOU are not okay with it. There is not a mutual agreement that this is appropriate behaviour, so it's not appropriate.

First, let's call porn for what it really is; PORNOGRAPHY. "Porn" sounds like it's not that serious.

I really believe he needs counselling. Watching pornography is damaging to himself and everyone in the home. I believe pornography is an addiction, just like alcoholism, smoking, and drugs. He can't break away from watching it and he can't stop. Some things that could happen if he keeps on doing this could be:

1. He will associate his pleasure by watching other people having sex, and will eventually have to do more to fulfill his thirst for it.

2. It could lead to him watching more hours of pornography, which will take him away from the family and you.

3. He could start going to porn shops, and buying more tapes or other material. Meaning that he could run into financial problems.

4. He could also start seeking pleasure from prostitutes/other women, more financial problems as well, but add to it picking up STD's ...

5. If he can't watch it on the t.v. he'll turn to the internet and so on...

All these points will only escalate.

Pornography is an addiction and he should seek help. If he won't do it, do it for him. Have an intervention just like any other addiction would. If he feels embarrased for what he's doing, that's a start.

If it was okay, like everyone says...why hide it? Why make it private? Even if he's not having sex, like everyone else is saying, but just watching t.v., why does he hide it?

Bring it out in the open, tell his parents, tell your parents, tell brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles ...all adults by the way...and do an intervention with the group and get him to admit it's wrong and get him on the right track.

It's an extreme, but that's only after he refuses to see a counselor and refuses to do what you ask him after you've explained how you feel about it.

Answer 3

There are people on here that will tell you to lighten up. They will tell you what he is doing is harmless and it's his "right" to take care of himself using another woman as a visual aid. Some women can accept porn. HOWEVER, if this is the way you feel, if it bothers you and makes you feel bad, there is NO REASON you need to change your beliefs and feelings.

The way I see it, if he thinks porn is more important than you, such that he will not give it up even though it hurts you (whether he agrees with the way you feel or not - you cannot change how you feel), then he's not worth your love.

I'm not suggesting you divorce him, but why stay with someone who doesn't give a rat's *** about your feelings?

I like to have a drink once in a while when I get home from work, no big deal, but if my husband were ever bothered by it, I would never touch another drop of alcohol. It's the same concept.

Integrity is standing behind what you believe it. If you start changing who you are to accommodate others, you lose your individuality.

I know where you're coming from, I have my own battle to fight. I am sticking by what I believe, I'd rather live alone than live miserable.

Answer 4

It's a problem for you, but apparently not for him. Now I'm shooting in the dark here, because I haven't heard his side of things. Some men are misogynistic, and see the women on the pages of porn magazines as pieces of meat that were put on earth strictly for their selfish pleasures. Sex toys and nothing more. That thing on their shoulders is there for nothing more than life support. THESE men have a problem!

My husband looks at porn. I find his fascination for the female form mildly amusing and endearing, much the same way I feel about my 10 year old son avidly playing video games, tongue sticking out the side of his mouth in concentration. I know my husband doesn't objectify women in this way. His attitude is that these ladies make good money capitalizing on their undeniable "ASSets", and understands that this is their job. It's a paycheque. He knows that the fantasy that they weave for their readers is not real. When they put their clothes back on, somewhere out there, they are real people who have real lives. We can both respect that. But that's still not going to detract from his enjoyment of the fantasy. So for us, it's not a problem. If the lines between fantasy and reality were so blurred that we didn't know where one ended and the other began, it would be a problem.

I'd suggest finding out exactly why your husband likes porn. Tell him how his habits make you feel, right or wrong, and that's why you need him to talk to you, to help you understand what's going on in his head. Is it just all in your head? Or does he actually not find you attractive anymore? Does he really not think you're "enough"? Does he really prefer these other women, and is he REALLY just "settling" for you? Or is it maybe that you are letting your insecurities fuel your imagination?

Own your feelings, and go to your husband for help in resolving this problem. If your fears are in fact justified, then the problem is his...and you have your work cut out for you.

Answer 5

It bothers some people and others think its all good. So I think that you should think of it that way~ At least when you say no he isn't going on and having sex he watching porn. Some guys watch because it a turn on why don't u watch it with him one time see what he is interested and maybe you could learn something that you and him don't do that he may want, Good Luck~

Answer 6

If he truly loves and respects you, then he will do the things you request because of that.
If his porn watching is more important than the values you bring to the relationship, then you must decide if he is really right for you. If he disrespects you in this manner, what else might he do?
If the situation were reversed, would you do something behind his back that he didn't like? That is not what love is. If he is committed to you, he will gladly give up the porn.
The fact remains that he sneaks to do something you are uncomfortable about and that does not display love. Finally, those that say you should accept it or that it is OK probably are involved in less than enviable situations. RESPECT is a two way street.

Answer 7

I don't think that him watching porn is a problem - i think its better porn than a real woman/strip club. Sometimes its nice to see something different (and women - i know some of you feel this way also). But don't take it personally. Try to share it... I watch porn than my boyfriend does, and when I saw that he had magazines, I was so excited!! Recently, someone gave him a stack of porn mags as a joke and he, very comfortably, brought them home and shared them with me. Guys are more open when you are open. However, he should not be threatening you with porn every time you dont 'put out'. That is a no no - nobody (porn-lovers or non porn-lovers) should force anyone into having sex.

Talk to him about it. Express your concerns in a calm way and try to come to comprimisation so that you both are happy. After all, isnt that what a strong relastionship is made of? comprimisation so that both parties are happy?

Answer 8

A few words if I may. A lot of men have this issue of being 'addicted' to porn. It starts way before they have serious relationships. Where I draw the line is when you are in a committed relationship.

The mere fact that your husband is addicted to porn signals a weakness in him. He may be one of those guys that just can never get enough. The kind of guy that may masturbate even after having sex. He may be addicted to porn may be because he does not get to experience everything he wishes to experience with you in the bedroom and maybe he is too shy to discuss his fantasies with you. He may be shallow and might think to himself that he does not like this or that about you when you are naked. Or maybe you two just don't do it as much as he would like to.

Whatever it is, if he truly loved you, he would not only shun porn, he would constantly thank you and tell you just how wonderful you are in bed and just how lucky he is to have you and so on.

I love my wife and I could care less what her body is like because love transcends all that and when you are in that mental state, the sex is just wonderful anyway.

Read some books about marital relationships and he/you will find out that porn is actually detrimental to the relationship. It signals a weak connection. If he wants you to be his one true love for the rest of his days, he better get his priorities right and worship you and not the porn.

I suggest you and him should have a gentle conversation.

Answer 9

I am 21 and married also I felt the same way you are feeling know. I personally felt like in its own way it was his way of lusting for something that i did not give him and threw all of them out and broke them and said that if i watched it when ever I didnt get any that you would feel the same way that I feel know.And then if he disagreed i would say not if i was watching women if i was watching men. Because its always different if you turn the tables. But i think that porn is for men who dont have anyone to have sex with and if you have someone there to have sex with why do you need it anyway. Hope i helped. Good Luck

Answer 10

Let him have his porn. Would it be better if he picked up some chick off the street instead? Would that make you feel better instead of an indulgence in fantasy? Me - I don't watch. Tried it a few times but didn't do much for me. I usually go do something else while he's having his "alone time" with his videos.