married for 1 mth but already thinking of divorce,pls help me:(?

Question

married for 1 mth and found my husband a totally different person. before marriage , i knew he likes to drink, because of this we quarrelled a lot, he promised he will cut down and even don't drink. He made me believe him by swearing in the name of God, by treating me so well that I agreed to marry him thinking he have changed for the better. After marriage then I knew he is lying. He have been drinking since the first nite of marriage till now. He got bad habits like sleeping naked , scatching himself untill he bleed and blood stain all over the bed. He blush his teeth in the dish basin and throw his undergarment there. I fell disgusted and tried to talk to him abt things I cant accept, he promised he will change ,but said this while watching TV and continued his old style.I tried clean up the house after work. Next moment he mess up again. I felt very tired and disgusted. I long for a peaceful place to rest. Have not been getting gd sleep.Can I file a divorce?marriage make me depress

Answer 1

you can get your marriage anulled. and next time try being smarter before you go committing the rest of your life to someone! apparently you weren't listening to your vows or you did not care about what you were promising. (and neither was he)

and know this... people don't change and i don't care what or how they promise. what you see is what you get, plus other irritating behaviors that you simply won't know about until after you are married. so the next time a man proposes to you - try dating for a couple years before you go running down the isle.

Answer 2

I'm sorry that marriage didn't turn out to be all that you hoped that it would be.

If you had a chance to turn back the clocks, it would have been wiser to not marry someone who had a deep character flaw, such as being a heavy drinker. Many people are deceived into thinking that a potential spouse will change once they are married or that they themselves can influence their behavior to change (i.e. "Missionary Dating").

Now that you have committed yourself to this individual it is very important to honor those vows, even if he is acting differently than you'd imagined he would. (*If he becomes abusive when he drinks, then I'd advise you to leave the house immediately and seek safe shelter at a battered women's shelter). Divorce isn't the answer--dedication and hard work towards growing your marriage is.

Think of an Olympic athlete. They don't become a champion over night--they have to work hard at it for countless hours and days to perfect their performance. What about you? Does everything go perfectly as planned and are you perfect whenever you try something new? I'm sure in most cases no--it takes practice to become good at something. It's the same thing with marriage. You have to practice your marriage skills to become good at them. You have both only been "practicing" for 1 month. Give it some time.

His bad habits, though not appealing, are a part of who he is. You can tell him how much certain behaviors offend you and ask him if he would be willing to stop. Rather than approaching him with, "You do (this) and (this) and (this) you filthy slob!" perhaps you can approach him with, "Honey, it really makes me feel uncomfortable when you do (this). Is there a way that you cannot do that when I am around you? It makes me feel uncomfortable."

You can also ask him what about you bugs him. (Shocked?! I am sure that there are bad habits that you have that he despises also). Marriage is all about commitment and serving the other individual in love. When both partners do this, there is harmony and unity.

I really believe that marriage counseling would be beneficial to the both of you. Most couples say that the first 5 years are especially difficult because you are both adjusting to another individual that has been doing things their own way for a long time (as you have as well). Counseling would help you sort things out. :)

There is a really good book by Leslie and Les Parrot called, "Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts." It is a book aimed at singles who hope to one day be married, engaged couples and/or married couples. I think that you will find a lot of your questions answered in that book. I have read it and it was terrific! :)

Hope this helps! :)

Answer 3

Now this is the reason I believe people should live together before marriage to make sure they can live with one another. Sleeping naked isn't a bad habit many people do it. Maybe you should try to talk to him while he is NOT watching TV. If you fought alot because of his drinking prior to marriage how stupid were you to marry him. Most old dogs don't change honey. The two of you lack communication and I am sure there are things you do that piss him off just as much as he does you. If he leaves his underpants in the washbasin leave them there or better yet put them in his pillow case or on his pillow case. In my home there is a motto. A place for everything and everything in its place. But yes you can file for divorce for any reason you want. Just make sure this is what you want that way you wont regret it and next time you chose to marry make sure you KNOW the person!

Answer 4

Lol this needs to be false. A man or woman as self headquartered, concieded, ego centric, and very spoiled as you has generally not ever noticeable antype of complication of their life. You reside in delusion land. What precisely do you contribute to this marriage apart from the fact that you think that your looks is all that's wanted?? I imply significantly Your head is to this point up your possess ****. Your a long way from an actual girl. An actual females doesnt take competencies of their husband or seem down upon every person else around them. I believe dangerous seeing that your without doubt a terrible individual.Time to develop up and land again on planet earth. Marriage is a partnership with anybody you're keen on and would do some thing for. No longer a meal ticket....B**ch

Answer 5

I guess you can get a divorce if you want to, but the fact of the matter is that marriage is hard, and if you went into it thinking it's a picnic, you were very naive.

The first few years of marriage are the hardest, because that's when you are learning to live with the other person and learning how to deal with their less pleasant habits which don't come up during dating and courtship. Everyone goes through it, and it's up to you to decide if you love your husband enough to stick it out and work through it, or if you want to call it quits.

I am not a marriage counselor, but it sounds like the two of you need to sit down, without the TV on, and negotiate some things. You need to explain to him that some of the things he does really, really bother you. I am betting you will find out that you have habits which bother him, as well. Then, once everything is out in the open, you need to work together to find a way to conquer those problems. Marriage is about give and take, and you are both going to have to do that if you want to make it work. You also need to get going and do it now. Things left undone or unsaid now will just be harder to deal with later.

I am not trying to sound like a grump, but I can honestly tell you that I don't think one month is long enough to try and make a marriage work. It takes a lot more effort than you can put out in a month. If you want to make it work, take things in hand and act to make changes now so that you two have a chance to move forward and make things better.

Either that, or quit. Your choice.

Answer 6

I normally try address questions like this in enough detail to be meaningful but I'm having a hard time knowing where to start here. As a recovering alcoholic (14 years, 3 months 14 days sober) and as someone who was once married to an ugly hearted person who wrapped herself in God I'm finding it difficult to generate any light at the end of this tunnel.

I would respectfully suggest that you shouldn't walk away, you should run. You should get a good attorney and take half (and then some if you can get it). There will be plenty of time to be nice later. Save yourself while you can.

Answer 7

Since it's only been a month, you can file for an annulment, easier, and cheaper than a divorce. Before you do that though, I would sit him down, with no distractions, tv off, no music, and tell him, that if things don't change a little, you are going to leave. You can't expect him to completely change. People aren't ment to just change who they are. But if you are seriously repulsed by your husband, look into getting the marriage annuled

Answer 8

Of course u can divorce him! Let me tell u something he is not going to quit drinking until he decides he ready to quite drinking. also don't believe him he will change when answering you while watching TV. If he was totally serious about it the TV would of been off and you would have had full Attn from him. I think he is just telling you what you want to hear cause it easy and he knows u will stick it out. I would defiantly divorce him before things could possibly get worse. just my opinion hope it helped some

Answer 9

You can have your marriage annulled! The sooner the better, I believe! You should be a happy bubbly bride and yet, you seem so sad! Go to your church and tell them exactly, what you have shared here with complete strangers! Do not let one more day pass for you that you are not happy to face the day! You deserve so much more, and good luck and God bless! Some men will just NEVER get it! Do not waste your life with a LOSER!

Answer 10

Slow down do not get a divorce then you will show just amount of commitment that he does all the things he does are just acts of damage
meaning hes hurt he does love you but feels that his life is over because now hes married and thinks that he may have made a bad mistake he take your marrage for granted but remind him we are married and if there are anything that is on your mind let me know and we can work it out see because men tend to usually hide their emotions and keep them in and then lash out some other way unfortunately he has done so by being a total slob relax take a breather talk to him and if that doesn't work out take up a hobby go to the gym get a gym trainer ignore him he will see how much fun you are having with your trainer and he will get jealous and then that will put a stop to all that.