am i over-reacting?

Question

My husband of 2 years has had a friendship with a woman that he met off the internet before he met,and even though theyve never met in person,theyve always remained in contact through instant messaging and e-mails.\he says he's never been atracted to her its just a friendship.I try to think Im an understanding person,it doesnt bother me,shes sent birthday cards to me and my daughter but whats got me a little uncomfertable is that she;ll be passing were we live by tomorrow and she stopping for a visit. hes never called by phone till today,and everytime she did my husband would go outside and talk not to mention the fact shes coming by train and he's going to pick her up.I can understand if this is a child hood friend or a friend from a long time ago,but isnt this a bit odd?He even gave her his mother;s adress and she writes to her aswell and my husband made sure that she be there tomorrow to meet her.I wonder if i'll be invited in the car when he goes pick her up at the train station

Answer 1

It doesn't matter if you get invited- you better go to the station! Yes, it's very odd. He's having an online affair and is planning to meet his "virtual lover" but he thinks that he can fool you by keeping it all in the open. If this continues, I have a feeling your marriage will be over within a year, especially if your daughter isn't his biological child. Don't tolerate this nonsense. This "friendship" should have ended when you and he became engaged.

Answer 2

You sound like a wonderful, understanding wife. And having said that, I've gotta wonder about a guy who would go so far over to the edge of the cliff in making you feel uncomfortable and insecure. Something doesn't sound right to me. A good man would value a woman such as yourself. You sound really cool. You're far more understanding than most women would be.

I think you've ventured into the "too understanding" territory however. I'm not sure why this woman is sending you birthday cards and writing to your husband's mom. It's all very odd. And if he's never met her, how can he possibly assure you that he's never been attracted to her -- I don't get that part. And what is attraction anyway? There is obviously an emotional attraction, does that count for anything?

Getting back to you... Why would any man want to jeapordize a good thing?? I would think a man should avoid even the appearance of wrongdoing. Doesn't this boil down to a question of respect? It seems to me that you're not being treated with respect.

And the going outside to talk on the phone thing is odd too. But maybe you've got a lot of noise in the house? Maybe there was a good reason to go outside? But I doubt it.

I'm not saying that anything is going on but I'm not convinced that your husband's intentions are 100% pure.

You're right to be concerned. This is not normal behavior on your husband's part. And to expect you to continue to be understanding isn't reasonable. You've gone more than the extra mile.

I hope it all resolves in a good way.

Good luck to you.

PS -- by the way, Annie, the saying applies... "Sometimes the devil you know is better than the devil you don't know". Any man worth anything knows this. And no matter what difficulties you and your husband may have (or not) it's always a huge risk to take up with somebody else if what you already have is anything good. I think he's checking this gal out and his imagination is wandering. Your husband needs to grow up and invest his time and energy in you!

Answer 3

Every relationship has it's boundaries. It doesn't matter that this would bother me or not the next girl. It sounds like this bothers you. I would put my foot down and tell your husband how you feel. If he really cares for you he will stop this immediately. In my opion married men should not be meeting women on the Internet and having them come by train to meet him. There is nothing wrong with you. You are just having a natural reaction to what is obvious your husband pushing the limits as far as he can and being inaporiate. Don't let them tell you your insecure of overly jealous. It's not you it's them. That women needs to respect your marriage. And I'm sure she knows better. People try and put it on the person that is upset, but I think this is because they don't want to have to admit they did something wrong so they try and put it off on you by saying your insecure or jealous. Say something to your husband. Don't let this women come between you and you husband.

Answer 4

No you are so not over re-acting. You might be a little too calm if you ask me. Why would this women be coming to your home to meet your husband. He is married and has a family. If she had a husband and family of her own I could she that maybe a friendship would be ok but not a single woman. She is for sure looking to be a homewreker and you should stop it before it starts!

Answer 5

You shouldn't need to be invited, that's where you show how concern you are about this so call online friendship. Jump in the car and say "hey, lets go, I can't wait to meet her". After all, she has been pretending to be a friend of the family, she sent everyone cards right. If he has a problem with this then you have cause to be concerned and let him know this.

Answer 6

no you're not and trust your woman's instinct . . .lol.

I similiarly had and was in such a position and thnking nothing and being as innocent as can be. but think of it, it could develop into something against the marriage and not knowing it till its too late.

its possible to have a normal friendship but it would be better and "safer" if you could be involved.

a friendship between a male and female can be as innocent as can be but there're chances it could develop either way . . . its just human nature?

bottom line, you're not over reacting . . . you're just a woman . . .lol. it would behelpful to keep an open mind but at the same time close watch.

confusing isnt it ? thats life . . .lol.

Answer 7

Have you ever read any of her emails or ims to him? And why does he go outside to talk to her? By all means, go to the station...you don't need an invitation and don't let him go anywhere with her without you....period. If you think she's any kind of threat (pretty), then insist on no more private messages even if you have to install spyware on the computer.

Answer 8

Yes, I would definitely think it was odd. Not that I'm implying that something's "going on" between your husband and this woman - but it is just strange enough to raise an eyebrow. Invite yourself to go with him to the train station, and keep an eye on them. I think you will get a gut feeling of what's going on - listen to it.

Answer 9

You are not over reacting, always trust your gut feelings. First off as a Man I can tell you we don't have female friends, we have female friends that we want to F, any female that a man talks to that he doesn't have to talk to he is interested in. why does he talk to her outside? so you can't here what he is saying, right? and what is the deal with her and his mom, a guy only introduces a women to his parents when he is involved with them. this is going to be bad for you, I don't see anything good coming of this, don't be his doormat anymore, put your foot down, tell him either she is gone or your gone!!

Answer 10

You are NOT over reacting. I would not stand for it Period.

Where will this girl stay? Why is your husband picking her up? It sounds like a weird (suspicious) situation to me.