Are these the jobs of a woman in a marriage?

Question

Make husband happy by cleaning the house every day. cook three meals a day. take care of the kids every needs. Is what i see are my jobs but this is my husbands ......(we have four kids im a stay at home mother) he wants the house spotless no toys anywhere but the kids rooms laundry folded put away before he comes home dinner ready hot and the kids already fed. pick his clothes for him to wear while he's taken a shower in the morning i also have to make sure he wakes up if i don't then it is my fault he is late for work not his. If there are toys in the livingroom then he calls the livingroom dirty. If the kids had just taken a bath and there is still some water on the floor with their clothes then the bathroom is "nasty" I have to wash the dishes by hand with soap and then put them in the dishwasher so that way they are very clean. if the kitchen counters do not shine or if he can't see himself in them then they are "filthy". this also goes for the windows mirrors and floors.

I have to do everything with the kids feed, bath, make sure they are sleeping on time, disapline them, his only job is to go to work and then relax he does nothing at home i wait on him hand and foot. so is this what a wifes duties are or am i being taken advantage of?

I have to do everything with the kids feed, bath, make sure they are sleeping on time, disapline them, his only job is to go to work and then relax he does nothing at home i wait on him hand and foot. so is this what a wifes duties are or am i being taken advantage of?

Answer 1

Sounds like you have a p1mp for a husband. Yes, since you are at home you should be doing SOME of the work at home. But all that and the hand washing of dishes are a bit much.

A good amount of this work can be deferred to the children. They should be responsible for picking up behind themselves, put their toys away.

Both of you should be washing and ironing the clothes. Folding too (I personally don't fold clothes, but I do wash the majority of them and iron the majority of them. I help clean the house. I never relied on my wife to wake me in the morning (that's what an alarm clock is for).

In all cases, he too should contribute in some part in keeping the house and children in order.

Answer 2

In reality, it seems you got it pretty good. If you think you are getting the raw end of the bargain, ask to swap places... whenever my wife gets a bit frustrated with chores, I ask her if she wants to go get a full time job while I stay at home to look after the kids, cook and clean. She hates work (employment that is), so she always says no.

if you consider that you have 7 hours of the day to do everything in, and that he probably has a stressful workplace, you'll understand that it isn't all roses for anyone. A little organisation will also go a long way in assisting with getting what needs to be done, as well as having some time for yourself.

Telling him that you are not going to do it (confrontation) will only create strife. If you find you aren't coping well, tell him your problems first (problem resolution), then release your emotions.

Note: Forget the advice of all the 12 yo girls to dump him (they have no idea). However, you need to negotiate how you feel about this with him, and arrange something that is acceptable to you both. If he wants a sparkly house, he has to cook (or something like that)...

Answer 3

there is no set rules as to the wife's job and the husband's job. every couple has to figure out what each others place is, who will do what, it's not necessarily something that is discussed but it is found by testing each others boundaries.

in your case, it sounds like your husband thinks that what you do while he is at work doesn't count as a job, he needs to realize that while he is out of the house for 8 hours you are taking care of the kids and cleaning for those 8 hours. when he gets home, the house isn't just your job anymore, it is his as well because when you are both at home you should be a team. as it stands he probably works about 8 hours a day 5 days a week, while the position he has you in is 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

you really need to sit down and have a serious talk with him, if you are unhappy, you need to let him know.

i wish you the best!

Answer 4

He has definate control issues. He is probably insecure as well. If you don't interfere in how he does his job, he should not interfere with yours. He should get himself up in the mornings, your not his mom. That goes for getting his own clothes too. If he sees a mess and he is anoyed by it then he should clean it up himself. Do not let him dictate to you another day. Tell him if he does not like the job you are doing, then pitch in and help you out. Being a stay at home mom is like having 3 jobs outside the home. Tell him you will be happy to get a job, and he can hire someone to come in and do everything you do. Tell him if he does not treat you with dignity and respect and as an equal partner then he can leave and find someone who will. Fat chance. Yes he is taking advantage of you. put your foot down now. Get the help you deserve from your husband. Tell him he is not living up to your expectations. Turn the tables. He is not perfect. Paying the bills does not give him the right to be so bossy.

Answer 5

You're a stay at home mother, not a miracle worker. This is crazy. I don't think there are any "jobs" at home. Whoever does them, does them. You could do absolutely nothing one day and let him see what "filthy" really looks like. Marriage is supposed dto be a partnership, this doesn't sound like one. You need to sit down and have a serious talk, if it doesw no good, a counelor may not be a bad idea. Why does he want the kids fed before he gets home? Doesn't he value that time with them? Some people may be ok with that arrangement, if you're not, you need to try and fix it. But, doing nothing won't help. I hope you get things worked out!! :)

Answer 6

No it is not, this is a act of slavery, he is a Dictator. I wouldn't do all this things if he was a king. He can pick his on clothes up off the floor, you can rinse the dishes off before putting then in the dishwasher , but that is because I did that , not someone telling me wash the dishes by hand and then the dishwasher . You need to have sit down strike, either he start helping you or stop all this foolish rules are you are not going to do all this things. If he want do it then file for divorce, he is nuts. Pack up and leave, mess that house up throw his clothes all in floor as your leaving out. .Calling his hand he'll probably straighten up, if not good riddance.

Answer 7

well I know How you feel.I was a stay at home Mom also and my Husband expected much of the same.I would always say I am not your maid.I also mowed the grass and shoveled the snow and started his truck and cleaned of his windows.It's not that you don't want to be a good wife But some apperciation shown for what you do would be nice.My Husband don't give me much money I was on a budget I meen it's not a bad thing ,But nice to be treated as an adult.He Never thought the house was clean enough and complained about the food I fixed,I had to take my kids to and from school .and they have never had a baby sitter inless it was a family member.Please Email me if you would like to chat or just blow some steam .

Answer 8

The husband has to be an active partner in the relationship. While there are no cut-and-dry rules to how this should be done, If everything is being done by you, you are probably getting a raw deal. While I am no homemaker, I cook often and do the things that need to be done. Women really appreciate this, I wonder why? Oh I know, because the job description for a homemaker is a B*****.(not an insult) If you are growing distant from your husband, this is not good, it will only get worse. Don't nag him, that will only make things worse. Ask him, Inform him, bargain with him if you have to. But tell him you need more help. If he is half-way smart at least he will do something to humor you. And there you go, something. If you make it easier for him, he'll do more too. Good luck.

Answer 9

first of all, due to my marriage today, i am in the same situation as you are. anyways, a little bit about myself...i have 3 children, only 1 of which is my husbands. i was never a stay at home mom with my other 2 children. with my husband, i am expected to stay home. i to do all the laundry, chores, yard, clean the cars, take care of the kids, have to shine his shoes, have his lunch made, etc. the same as you do. i also work a home based business from home, take care of all the bill payments, budgeting, and help out with some aspects of his work, his job. although i still do a lot, a talk helped me big time and he now helps a lot even if he works 14 hour days. to your question, it is your job as a stay at home mom to take care of the cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc. but every once in a while, he needs to cut some slack on you or at least help out with some. i would prefer you have a talk with your husband about just supporting you and what you do contribute to his personal side of his life. he should be given a scenario or a day with the kids to himself at home. this just might make him a little more appreciative and at least help you to get his own clothes and wake up to reality everyday himself.

Answer 10

I believe being a stay at home mom is a full time job and should be treated like one. You are the CEO of your home and it is your responsiblility to manage the household. This is what I believe a stay at home mom's duties should be: keep the house neat and clean (laundry, dishes, floors, countertops/tabletops, etc.), take care of children (meals, homework, etc.) and take care of your husband (meals, emotional support, etc.) With a schedule this can be easily accomplished.

Now, for the husband's duties: work a full time job (provide money, health insurance, college and retirement savings), spend quality time with your wife (emotional support, little treats and surprises, etc.), spend quality time with your children (emotional support, little treats and surprises, etc.), and help with disciplining children.

Children should also do their part. They should each have weekly chores (example: dishes on Thursday and trash on Sunday).

Your husband should be flexible and understand that everything cannot be perfect all the time and you are trying your best. I know it's hard with 4 children but with organization it can be done. Good Luck!!

Answer 11

Ok. #1 as a stay at home mother, yes i can see how he can expect certain things. BUT BUT BUT...wow...he has some issues. You really need to have a chat with him. I think he has some pretty unreasonable demands. If he wont help out with anything or lighten up a bit...Stop waking him up in the morning...it will only take a couple times him being late for him to figure that one out. Stop washing his clothes and laying them out for him. The first time he has nothing clean to wear, he will get the idea. Now in saying that, dont allow him to get pissed at you because of it. And if something like that doesnt work...then leave him.