I am 40 and 've been married for 15 years. I have 2 kids - 11 and 7. My husband is nice to me, but we just dont have the sparks anymore.
I worked in CA, but my boss is in other state. And lately, we were working on a same project that he come over to CA & work with me. He is originally from England, a very nice manner guy and take care of me very good. He is married too, about 8 years older than me and have 2 kids (15 and 12).
I started to have fantasy about him. I know this is wrong, and of course I did not let him know about it.
The problem now is that we will have joint assignment in Japan for 2 weeks. I am having dreams about what will have happen in Japan already. I have dreams that he is "interest" in me and we will have the next step in a relationship ....
A part of me kept telling myself to be professionally at my work and fight this fantasy. Another part of me wanting this to happen.
What should I do?
Jaci
2007-01-11 09:37:39 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have a pretty good feel what what you are going through right now from the other side of the coin (I'm the married boss being hit on by a younger, married employee). It's one helluva fantasy to try and fight, but it is the right thing to do.
I've lost many hours of sleep fighting mine when the opportunity is so readily available. Honestly, it's a hot fantasy anyway, but having the perfect opportunity to make it come true can be overwhelming. The thrill in my marriage has been gone for some time, but I have kids, responsibilities and financial co-dependence.
Moral issue and fidelity issues aside for the moment-probably the best way to fight the urge to persue is to think of the consequences to you, your boss, your family and his family if you ever get caught!!! The chances may be slim, but the consequences to even the company could be devastating if a lawsuit is filed by someone, a sexual harrassment claim is made or if someone claims that you have received preferential treatment because you were doing the boss...
Really, I'm feeling you though...fight it!
2007-01-11 10:06:47 · answer #1 · answered by Leroy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay... a lot of women do that they just want to know if anything would happen if u did something. Well when u go to japan don't get the same room and make sure that ur boss didn't put u as a couple cuz if he did then that mostly means he wants u or that he can get very lonely but i say it's the first one. get ur sepret rooms and only be with him when u have to and make sure that its with a lot of people around u so that he doesn't make a move on u and takes u into another room. because u still love ur husband and u don't want to mess up ur children's lifes without both of u there because all kids need a mom and dad.
2007-01-11 10:04:10 · answer #2 · answered by avchick93 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep it a fantasy. Nothing more. There is no next step in a relationship with this other man. Your married. Hes married. If you want out of your marriage, then start working your way out. You have to do everything possible to make it better. Talk to your husband, I am sure he is not happy eather. If the marriage cannot be saved, then divorce . Leave your fantasy alone , he is married, you have no right to interfere with his family. Now.... will you be happy with this outcome? Because this is how it should go down. My suggestion, create a fantasy with your husband and make it come alive.
2007-01-11 09:49:14 · answer #3 · answered by sweetpea 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have admitted this is a fantasy. You haven't said anything to indicate that he actually shares sexual interest in you (taking care of you in the workplace is not an indication, especially since you mention he's British - it may merely be a cultural expectation there).
Even without considering the possible consequences to your marriage AND to his...you've really got no good reason to believe he'd WANT to do anything with you. If you make a move on him while you're in Japan, and he says no, that's going to make things REALLY uncomfortable for the rest of the time you're there. Also, if you don't take that no for an answer immediately, he can bust your chops for sexual harassment. Heck, depending on your company's policy, he could bust you immediately because you knew he was married when you made the move.
2007-01-11 09:46:56 · answer #4 · answered by Katie S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey...Jaci...don't worry! It may be your fantasy. If he would "like to get in it" with you, tell him you're instreted...but just can't because you both are married. I have times like this, he is jerk, yet cute, but I like him, wait no he is mean. It's confusing. Yet trying to fight it...won't help. Once something pops into your mind, it may take a while to pop it out! Sweetie...if it goes far, at least try not to take it far. You think your husband is a nice guy, yeah! You're married to him!!!!! But if sparks start to fly on the phone or even through e-mail with your boss before Japan, divorce your husband! I know...sounds harsh, but I think him finding out the way you don't want him to find out, will be way more harsh!
2007-01-11 09:51:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
its one thing to fantasize its another to go through with it.. keep in mind that while in Japan that if the opportunity arises, and u act upon it u are not only going to ruin ur life,.. ur going to crush 2 peoples hearts and souls that love and trust u both, ur husband and his wife, then your risking crushing 2 families, so all the kids between the 2 marriages will be crushed not for a day, not for a week, but for a lifetime.. all because u couldnt keep ur fantasy in fantasy world .. so keep that in mind of all the hurt , pain and destruction u'd possibly cause for a couple of romps in the sack that will possibly last a few hours in total to a life time of hurt and pain to so many people..
2007-01-11 09:45:48 · answer #6 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't act like a cheap tart. Act like a respectable married woman. You're 40 years old, not 14, but if you can't seem to control yourself, find another job.
PS A married man with 2 kids has no interest in "taking care of you very good"-- he does that with his wife and kids.
2007-01-11 09:43:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What happens in Japan, stays in Japan. Kinds like Vegas. Just make sure you and the boss have an understanding that it's just sexual, as neither of you will want to bring this home.
2007-01-11 10:46:46 · answer #8 · answered by ManOfTheHour 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really love this guy, I say let love take it's course. If he makes "advances" towards you, ten I say let it happen. Live a little. Unless of course he and your husband are good friends. If not, then what happens in Japan stays in Japan. And don't feel guilty about fantasies, EVRERYONE has them, people just don't like to admit it.
2007-01-11 09:46:57 · answer #9 · answered by Carolinii 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep in mind that if your hormones overcome you that you could jeopardize a lot more than your job. He may be willing to slip you some while you are both way over there...but will he want more when you two get back home...and be sure to take precautions so that you don't bring presents home that you might not want.
2007-01-11 09:47:30 · answer #10 · answered by IGH3Rat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋