my ex and i have been seperated since our son gracin was two months old. he has had the ability to see gracin every other weekend for the past ten months but has never jumped at the oppurtiunirty till now. i spent the day yesterday with my son gracin and my ex matt. and matt kept touching me like brushing my hair out of my face and holding my hand. part of me wants to give it another chance but the other part of me doesnt know what to do. i think it would be hard to let him back in my and gracins life full time just to have him leave again.
2007-01-11 09:03:21 · 16 answers · asked by McPeyton♥ 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Come on. People like you CAN'T be serious. Visitation means the ex has time with their child- not the child's Mother. Nothing required you to spend time with the ex, except for when he came to pick up his child. I CAN'T believe that any woman doesn't know that. So, why pretend it was visitation? It was a date. Nothing prevents you from dating your ex, or anybody else. But, why would you want to date the guy that dumped you- when you had his newborn child? Are you so pathetic that you'll date guys even after they dump you, and then ignore their child for nearly a year?
2007-01-11 09:22:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry but Matt doesn't know what he wants. And any man who didn't bother to come and visit his own child has already proven what kind of man he is.
I say stay away from him. There must be something better for you than this.
But maybe Matt has turned over a new leaf. I doubt it but I wouldn't 100% rule it out. The thing you really need to determine is:
A. Is there anything redeeming about Matt?
B. Will Matt stick around if you give him a second chance?
Only you can answer these questions. But I think that to seek counseling might be a wise way for you to explore the situation. At first, you should seek counseling by yourself and for yourself. After that, you can include Matt if you end up being lead that way.
My feeling is that it's not likely this is a very good idea. But check it out and make sure. Best to move forward in an educated and informed way. That way you'll have fewer regrets.
Good luck.
2007-01-11 18:17:12 · answer #2 · answered by DearAbby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to have an heart-to-heart talk with matt, and let him know you are not going to go for the actions of the past, let him, realized that you're parents now, and this change requires more than what was. Help him to realize you would like to give him another chance, but not willing to go through the nonsense of the past, which lead to the break up. If he cannot agree to this growth and change for the benefit of having a family. then it not worth it. Start out slowly, dating, restating to him frequently, what you want out of this, if he cant bringit, then dont waste your time. It's very important that you be firm with him, things have changed, a child in is involved, and gracin, deserves much better, if he is not willing to put forth the effort to be sincere, then he doesnt deserve another chance, games have a time up, and from what I have read, it's time for something more real, and lasting, life is too short, and gracin, deserves to have both parents together in an lasting union, this creates stability in his life, and help with his emotional and growth development. All these points, are important. I think from his actions toward you, he may be waiting for you, to let him know, what is on your mind, so it is up to you to express these thoughts, so you can move on, where the relationship is headed. I hope things work out for you.
2007-01-11 17:19:08 · answer #3 · answered by ladymaryum 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It certainly would be very harmful to Gracin's health emotionally to have his father in and out of his life like a yo-yo. If the two of you are both open to having a good, honest and open minded conversation about reconciliation then you would be wise to have such a talk. In fact if indeed you decide to reunite then you both would also probably be wise to seek some form of couples counseling. Whatever decision you both decide to make do it with the best interest of the child in mind and not some emotional or physical selfish reason for either of you.
2007-01-11 17:11:17 · answer #4 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well thats why u need to take things slow this time around and make sure that he proves to u that he's in this for the long haul before just rushing back into his arms, this very well could be a "im lonely and i dont have a gf at the moment so i'll go back to the ex till the next girl arrives" which does happen.. but he could be genuine, so before hopping back in full force make him work for it, make him prove that he's not going to hurt u and ur son again.. and make sure this isnt some rebound thing he's going through.. thats the only way to know for sure..
2007-01-11 17:08:55 · answer #5 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a dad and I have been in that situation. I'm sure there is a part of him that does miss you and would love to be a family, but make sure that is what he really wants. Talk to him and make sure everything in the past is corrected. Me and my ex had talks and each time i thought i would want to be w/ her, but we would list out the reasons we got divorced and realize we are both happy separated but are good friends. We have a good relationship when it comes to our son and that is the most important thing. Having him come in and out as he wishes can be very confusing for the kid. he will ask questions as to why dady isn't coming over or when is daddy coming home when in reality ya'll really are not back together...
good luck
2007-01-11 17:39:32 · answer #6 · answered by I Know 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree don't jump too soon. Sometimes men play on our need to have a family. Take your time and see what he's all about. Talk to him, take this time to ask some of the questions especially hard ones that face your relationship prior to breakup and find out what he has been doing since the breakup. That should help you to make a decision on whether to give it another try or to go your separate ways.
2007-01-11 17:20:08 · answer #7 · answered by kitcat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately alot of guys don`t want to deal with the work and sleepless nights associated with having a newborn, and so they take off until the child sleeps all night or is potty trained. I have female friends who have, and are, going through the same problem as you. One of the other answers said this as well, but it may be true, he may just be having a down time in between other conquest and he knows you are vulnerable, so he may think you are easy pickings. Just keep your guard up and take it slow. I`m single and live in Nashville, so you have options as well : )
2007-01-11 17:19:05 · answer #8 · answered by nashville 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when the two of you separated he got the opportunity to go out and do what he wanted to do. Now that he's had his party he wants you back. What happen did the other woman leave him so he's running back to you? Be careful not to allow yourself to become manipulated. Write down all the good and bad about your pass relationship and see what out weighs the other. write down the reason the two of you broke up in the first place and then write down the benefits of the two of you getting back together.Which one out weighs the other. You now have to be the one in the driver seat, you have to make the decision. What direction is this relationship going to head in ?
2007-01-11 17:12:53 · answer #9 · answered by Naomi B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You most likely have reason to fear - he hasnt shown an interest in about 8 months. I wouldnt trust him. He prob wants to be with you more than he wants to be with his child because he could have and should have been a hands on dad even while you we're not together. I doubt he has good tendecies and I wouldn't chance it..BUT thats me. Oh and I love your son's name.
2007-01-11 17:35:10 · answer #10 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋