My husband and I live togehter but cant stand eachother hes to obsessive and is always accusing me of cheating

Question

I cheated on my husband five years ago and he wont get over it. He's to jelious and obsessive. should I deal with it or move on to something else with a new start? I feel my life with my husband is wasting my life away.

Answer 1

So whats happening that he's being made to feel paranoid..other then he cant be up ur rear 24/7..

Please realize that the pain of someone cheating on u is extreme, it literally not only crushes ur heart it crushes ur soul..and it very hard to get over, my husband cheated on me, and we've been divorced for 10 years and i still have issues with trusting men and insecurities from it.. its extremely hard to get over..

I know ur sick of being accused, or feeling like ur never going to live it down, but please realize this is the consequences of ur own actions... and why should he trust u fully, he gave u that trust and u let him down before and he's probably scared to death of being crushed like that again, so he'd rather be prepared for it to happen then just letting it go completely, im not saying he's right in what he's doing, im just saying u need to try and understand why he feels this way, i think both of u need to go to marriage counseling and see if u can fix his insecurities, and if ur doing anythinggggggggg that can make u look like ur up to something even if ur not, u need to stop.. ie.. "chatting in chat rooms", having emails that he cant have the password too.. going out saying ur going to be home at a certain time but staying later and not calling ect.. theres probably something he's concerned about or thats triggering him to feel that he needs to be insecure.. so get to the root of the problem and fix it..

Answer 2

There is a rule to follow when trying to mend a relationship that has been damaged by cheating. One, the person who cheats needs to understand how bad she hurt her partner and she needs to communicate this understanding to her partner. Second, the partner has to let it go. You can't talk about it, bring it up in a fight, make reference to it-nothing. Once you have resolved the hurt feelings, it has to end. Otherwise, you will pay for this for the rest of your marriage and no one should live that way. Will your husband go to counseling? If not, there are books that will tell you exactly what I told you, maybe you can get him to read one? You made a horrible mistake, but forgiveness is not out of the question. If your husband can't forgive you and let it go, then both of you should move on and start over. I hope you learned your lesson here, though. Cheating destroys more than it helps. You also may want to think about why you cheated on your husband to begin with. Even though no one will let you blame your husband, and you shouldn't, there has to be some reason you felt justified in cheating. Did he not pay enough attention to you? Maybe you don't really, truly love him? There had to be something going through your mind when you decided that it was okay to be with another man, some reason. A lot of times, we just think we won't get caught, and that's good enough. The excitement of a new relationship can be overwhelming if you aren't getting what you need at home. I hope this helps you and if you can't find happiness with your husband, I hope you find it with someone you can stay faithful to-

Answer 3

Jealousy is dangerous. If there is any violence, get out, it will only get worse. If it's just irrational jealousy then you need counseling -- both of you.

If you are doing things to make him jealous (a lot of people do this in order to get attention, sometimes without knowing it even) then you need to look at that.

I find it hard to believe that he is the only part of this problem. I have to think that you're contributing to the problem as well. Think about that and be honest with yourself.

Divorce isn't real fun and it's not the first place I would send anyone. If you can work it out, it's worth it. If you can't then at least figure out what you're doing wrong so you won't do it again in the next relationship.

Think about why you cheated in the first place. What were you looking for? And why couldn't you have it in your marriage. Some people just lack creativity that way. There are ways to make your marriage more interesting.

Counseling is the best place for you to start. Talk to some of your friends if you have any who you think are fairly grounded.

Divorce is a last resort unless there is violence or abuse.

Good luck to you.

Answer 4

You cheated your husband because of absence of love and respect... For some reasons you are continuing live with him, but love isn't here anyway, it's not going to happen by itself. With all of that, all you feel is just irritation and anger about your husband's feelings.
So leave pore guy and let him be happy and try to be happy yourself.

Answer 5

There are no "New Start" in life.
You did something that has changed the way your husband looks at you.
Its not his fault that who he thought you were and who you are aren't the same.
His jealousy and obsessive behavior is what you earned from your behavior.
What have you done to make up for making him feel inferior to someone else?

Answer 6

You cheated, he doesn't trust you...you both obviously have issues....better to break it off and start fresh. Remember this though...there's a saying out there that goes something like this...'once a cheater always a cheater' so be careful the new guy doesn't find out that you cheated on your husband or you'll never find someone that trusts you.

Answer 7

HOLY $HIT! I HAVE GONE THROUGH THE SAME EXACT THING.
SINCE THEN WE'VE HAD A CHILD TOGETHER. I KNOW I SHOULD HAVE LEFT BACK THEN WHEN THE WHOLE THING WAS OUT IN THE OPEN, BUT FOR SOME REASON I DIDN'T AND NOW I AM STILL KICKING MYSELF FOR IT.

I THINK IT DEPENDS ON YOUR HOME SITUATION: DO YOU HAVE KIDS TOGETHER-BECAUSE IF SO, YOU AREN'T GOING TO LIKE MY ANSWER.

IF YOU HAVE KIDS TOGETHER, STAY TOGETHER FOR THE KIDS. THEY ALWAYS SHOULD COME FIRST. EVEN IF YOU ARE MISERABLE. JUST FIND ANOTHER "FRIEND" TO HELP YOU COPE AND DON'T GET CAUGHT THIS TIME!

IF YOU DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN, END IT. THERE'S NO POINT IN CONTINUING ONCE THE TRUST IS GONE.

I HAVE SEVERAL CLOSE FRIENDS WHO ARE IN THE EXACT SAME SITUATION AND THEY HAVE LEARNED TO COPE THE SAME WAY I HAVE. FIND ANOTHER BOYFRIEND. IT HELPS TREMEDOUSLY.

Answer 8

If that's how you feel then you need to leave. he should let the past go and move on either with you or someone else. It's very unhealthy for you guys to be in such a bad relationship.

Answer 9

The problem is... you gave him reason to feel this way. We all have doubts when exposing our heart, if you want this partnership to work go to great lengths to show you are on the up and up. Even if it comes acrossed as silly or excessive, that how we work. Once you notice it's extreme then your mind tells your heart, yes this is just and true.

Answer 10

You need to take resposability for your actions. No one just "get over it" over night. If trust has been lost and you cheated, then he has all reason to be suspicious of you. If you downply teh situation and expect him to pretend that "it never happen" that will only make your relation implode.

You bith need get counselling and learn how to cope and rebuild your marriage.

Good luck