my wife's father is not her biological father. she does not want our son to ever know but i think that we should tell him when he's old enough to understand about divorce (or maybe not go out of our way to tell him but answer him truthfully when he asks about his family background)... but i obviously don't want to tell him if my wife is against it because he's her father, not mine. what should i do?
2007-01-11 08:18:12 · 29 answers · asked by Daver 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wait until he's 18 then have the conversation with your wife again. If you tell him behind her back she'll likely never forgive you. When he's old enough to understand she might be more willing to listen to your point of view.
2007-01-11 08:21:57 · answer #1 · answered by Eve 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think about it this way: it can hurt your wife's father as well. Does she have a good & loving relationship with him? Did he help raise her as a young child (or even from her teen years)?
The thing is, she probably thinks of him more as her father than she will ever think of her biological father. If she really loves her father, regardless of blood, pointing out that they aren't "really related" can hurt both of them.
My mother was an all out whore for years, & most of us kids don't have the same father (we were raised by her parents; *they* are our family). Pointing out that my sister & I are only half-siblings sometimes hurts me, because it's like a qualifier. Oh, she's only *half* my fault. I talked this through with my little sister a few years back, & we stopped doing it (I'm the one who started it, 'cause I thought it was nifty).
That said, there's nothing wrong in having an extra branch in the family tree to research. My family does a lot of genelogy, & it's good to know things like that so that it doesn't become difficult later on for someone to piece together the tree. We were shocked sometimes to find first wives that no one ever knew about in our tree!
2007-01-11 16:31:17 · answer #2 · answered by Koz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow what the big deal just tell him if he asks. Actually let me rephrase that you should of taught him that from the start not make it such a big deal wow sometimes people get tangled up in such a small problem its not even funny. There is no big deal about it long as long as the grandpa treats the your son good whats the big deal, you make it sound like hes not part of the family if you except it the kid will only learn from you to except it to you are the kids most important role model
2007-01-11 16:25:55 · answer #3 · answered by makaveli the don prince 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, what difference does it make? As long as the grandfather loves the child and takes on the role of a grandfather, does it matter if biology was involved?
You'd be providing too much information that the child doesn't need to know. Don't lie to the child, but don't volunteer any information either!
2007-01-11 16:28:51 · answer #4 · answered by J L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly is always your best bet! When he is old enough of course. It's nothing to be ashamed pf, his grandparents getting divorced. It's just that when he gets older, and he starts going to Doctors, it would be helpful to him to know all the facts about his back ground. You never can tell. It's only fair. I am sure he will still love his step-grandpa just as much!!
2007-01-11 16:26:01 · answer #5 · answered by sue d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't lie to him. I think parents make a bigger deal out of it than it really is. My father is my step-father and for a long time my youngest sister didn't know this. It effected her negatively when she found out at about sixteen yrs. old. She still has problems with it now at 26. Keep this in mind.
2007-01-11 16:27:54 · answer #6 · answered by stephanieplum4404 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right now it's not a big issue. Because after all this man has been her father. It only becomes an issue when there are medical issues involve.
2007-01-11 16:30:52 · answer #7 · answered by kitcat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Allow your wife to handle this situation if it should ever arise. Why have him start looking at his grandparents differently now and/or be responsible for possibly harming a loving relationship.
2007-01-11 16:23:11 · answer #8 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If their bond is strong, and he has been her dad, why worry a child with unwanted details? There are many sperm donors in this world, but takes a real man to be dad, sounds like your wife has one. If she decided it was necessary to tell him, then so be it, but really you shouldn't be the one, ever, to let it out!
2007-01-11 16:23:37 · answer #9 · answered by janet r 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait until he is old enough to understand divorce, etc. This is important for him in his adult years when it comes to things like family medical history and the like.
2007-01-11 16:23:27 · answer #10 · answered by boredperv 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋