What to do about a self-absorbed friend?

Question

I am a law student. One of my “friends” is quite possibly one of the most self-absorbed people I have ever met. She always manages to interject herself into every conversation – if something happened to you, it happened to her and it was worse. She constantly manages to mention something about herself in every conversation in order to brag or gloat. (e.g. I interviewed there, I got into an accident like that, I am a TA, blah, blah). On top of this, she talks WAY too much. She is constantly talking to me during class and when I am trying to do work. It is very obnoxious and has denigrated to the point where I cannot stand being in her presence. The problem is that I share all of my classes with her and sit next to her. Is there a way to tell her that her disturbing self-absorption, selfishness and narcissism is driving me insane and that she talks too much? It might not be quite so bad but for the fact that she really does not have it going on like that and is rather gauche and trashy..

Answer 1

how about negative enforcement? I have tried this myself with a friend of mine, engage in conversation when i feel it appropriate and walk away, ignore, distract my self when i feel that is appropriate. Another technique is to find someone similar and ask how she feels about that other persons behavior?

Answer 2

You have got to be straight with this girl. Getting a law degree is hard enough without distractions. After all, your main purpose of attending law college is to become a lawyer and presumably it is her goal too. So I suggest you start by saying to her that you are falling behind and that you really could do without any distractions. Suggest that she too might consider the idea of not talking about anything other than the cirriculam whilst in class.

Having got that out the way, you can tackle her next time she comes up with a bigger/better/worse/more painful/harder/easier
story. Simply say, half joking but not, can't I ever have anything myself without you trying to top me ? and then laugh. unless she is really thick she'll get the message. if not, you might lose her as a friend but at least you'll get your law degree.

Answer 3

so they have assigned seating in Law School classes? why don't you show up 1 minute late for class and sit further away, that's the easy part, when she's rambling away and your not in the mood just be plain and direct and say you don't want to hear about "it" now.
If you don't have the heart to tell her "enough is enough" with her stories then start hanging around with different people and slowly spend less time with her, you can't change her unless you make the commitment to brake her heart by being honest with her then work through the rough friendship that will develop immediately after wards
Just because a persons mouth is always on the move doesn't mean she a great person to know

Answer 4

I refer to these people as "one uppers". That is a hard one to figure out. I would say to just shut her down when she tries to talk to you in class. When she starts up--tell her you need to focus on a class you are both paying for and can't put any effort into a relationship or conversation right now. The way to tell her she irritates you is to stop being her friend. The only thing you will accomplish by telling her those things is to make her feel bad about herself.

Answer 5

She is insecure and trying to fit in and be accepted, but does not have advanced social skills.

IF you want to be a true friend, quietly take her aside somewhere very private, and have a long, frank talk with her. Help her to understand what she does, why she does it, and why it bothers most people, not just you, and suggest ways she can work on it. She is likely to get defensive, deny what you say, and get mad at you. How much do you want to be a true friend?

If you don't want to be a true friend and try to help her, then write her a note saying the same things, and don't sign it. Then see if the behaviour changes. If it doesn't, then stop sitting near or associating with her.

Answer 6

Wow, all that and gauche and trashy, sounds like a hot time alright.

You should set he up, tell her a story about someone you know that had some weird thing happen and see where it goes. there is absolutely no helping people like that, they just keep goin on and on like the energizer bunny.

Can you change seats? ask a prof to let you change seats in one of your classes. that might help, or if nothing else will spread the pain your having to another member of the class who might not have such a good disposition and let her have it...

forward this to her from a made up yahoo account and see if she gets the picture...LOL

Answer 7

I am blunt and to the point with people like this. By the time it has gotten to this point, I really don't care if I hurt their feelings or not.
I am a ***** according to them after that, but I don't care. If they try to cause me problems I stop them before they get worse. Like in school, by informing all my teachers I am having a problem with a certain person in class, and it is distracting me from my objective, or simply ignore her every time she comes around. Even if she looks you in the eye and asks you a question. Escape from all one on one contact, and she will eventually get the point. If she doesn't cuss her out in a nice degrading way, and that will be that.

Answer 8

I used to work with a couple of different people like that. One would pull one word out of your sentence that was directed to someone else and start in about something totally different.
The other girl would just want to talk about herself and always wanted to know why you don't like her or wanted to know why everyone couldn't be friends.
Anyways, I feel for you. Just tell her that you have to listen to the teacher in class or just walk away from her. Make some new friends.

Answer 9

Distance yourself as much as possible. Show lack of interest in what she says.. even look bored. She will either start annoying someone else or confront you and ask you what is wrong. In which instance it would be easier to tell her that she is annoying. She would probably accept it better this way because she can see you have lost interest in conversations and see that it's effecting you. How she responds to you should say if you are true friends or not.

Answer 10

You need to tell her straight. Take her for a coffee after a class and put it nicely but firmly. She probably doesn't realise and just needs a wake-up call. Remember not to be too personal and just talk about the facts. Give her ways that can help her. If she doesnt care or listen, just move seats.

Answer 11

if you still want her to be your friend just tell her to tone it down a little. no one likes a self absorbed person. tell her in the end it will just hurt herself. some time talking is a good thing it helps you make friends and to be social. but too much talking and talking at unoppurtune times isn't. to sum it up just tell her that you need to concentrate so you can get your degree or whatever and pass the class