What should I do about a screaming infant???

Question

Im a nanny for a 2 yr old & a 4 mo. old. Im with them 12 hours a day, 5 days a week. As much as I absolutely love them both the baby is already very spoiled. I never thought babies were "spoiled" & what I mean by this is that her parents hold her all day, they hate when she cries so they wont let her & pick her up. So now during the day when I have her if I put her down anywhere she screams & gets herself all overworked so fast & the second I pick her up she stops...Im talking immediately. I feel bad and of course dont want her to cry but I cant do that 12 hours a day & its not fair to the 2 yr old. When she naps during the day she needs to be rocked to sleep or constantly bounced in her seat until shes out cold and even then every little noise startles her, I try to leave the tv always on or some noise so she gets used to it, but I dont know what Im supposed to do about her crying unless shes being held...

Thank you to all the people who are actually trying to help me...those who are not I would like to say that I have been in child care for many years and I have never been through this with any of the other infants I have cared for. I am not frustrated with her but I feel bad when she cries but I dont want her to not learn self comforting skills, thats all. I have knows this family for over 2 years as I had the 2 year old when he was a baby. I know all babies are different but I am trying to do whats best for BOTH children. Thats it. So thank you for everyone who is helping me :)

Answer 1

It is ok to let a baby cry for a little while. My daughter does the same thing. I had to just put her in her crib while I go to the bathroom or get lunch/dinner ready. I put some toys in there to keep her occupied but she cried for 5-10 mins or so. The baby may just be a little emotionally immature. Once she is able to be mobile a little more it should change. Do not feel bad for putting her in a safe place such as her crib and let her cry for a few minutes. She will be ok.

Answer 2

some babies are naturally more emotional, although many people I talk to disagree with that opinion. Anyway, I have a 2 year old and a 10 month old, the younger also cries for attention a lot. I do also hold her a lot, and my husband is getting on me for that since when he watches her, she just screams and he can't deal with it. What I am doing now is still holding her, but holding her less. If she is fed, clean, dry, and isn't sick then to put her down in order to get something done and let her cry in the mean time isn't a bad thing. However, you are the nanny and the parents have the last call in this. If they want her held all the time, then that is up to them. The only bad thing I think can happen from that is that the baby won't develope a sense of how to calm themselves down, put themselves to sleep, play on their own, etc.

Answer 3

Sounds like both of my kids at that age.

You can try things like swaddling and swings and bouncy seats. But some babies just crave constant human contact. In that case, get a sling so you can wear the baby and still move about/have your hands free. They are a great help.

With my kids, as they became more able to play with toys, they were more willing to be put down for a bit. Then as they grew more mobile, they liked to be down for longer and longer periods.

Babies need to be held - some more than others, and some all the time - and they can not be spoiled by holding. She'll grow more independent as she grows older. Providing a secure environment where she feels safe is more important right now. Let her mature at her own rate rather than forcing it by leaving her to cry.

Sometimes you have to leave them to cry while you go to the bathroom or whatever. It can't be helped. But hold her whenever you can. Babies grow up very quickly.

Answer 4

I'm in the same boat with you but with my own kids! I have three boys 6,4 and 2, and my first baby girl is 5 months old. She's so different from the way they were! UGH! Anyway I'm reading books about it and its important to have the family on a good schedule so baby will get use to the feeding and nap routines. My baby was colicky with acid reflux and got her first two teeth in at 3 months so she had reason to be upset a lot but now she is so use to the constant attention its hard to settle her down. I admit she is rather spoiled but Im trying so hard to break that now that she is healthy again. Tell parents they need to give her lots of love which is good but also give her time to play independantly so she will learn how to self soothe herself. Its obvious she can not self soothe yet. Does she have a pacifier or suck her fingers at all? These might be good for her but only when she is crying too much out of pure tiredness. You need to try diffrentiating her cries (if possible between knowing hunger versus pain cry) because she very easily could have something uncomfortable going on that is upsetting her to the point that being held is just enough to make her content. (like a tummy ache, gas or aching gums) Sensitive babies like ours needs to be put into a crib or dark quiet room for naps and possibly put a hat on her or swaddle baby in blanket so she feels warmth and closeness while she sleeps. Keeping the 2 year old away from you both while you try to get her to nap is also a challenge! Find a video to occupy toddler with (if toddler isnt already napping). Only have videos on when you are dealing with the baby to nap or feed so it will really entertain toddler. When baby is awake encourage interaction and playtime between the both of them. I have recently started a new plan and have just this week gotten my baby to finally sleep in a crib on her own rather than nursing her to sleep. Its a touch habit to break once the bad habits get started! (A great book for you and the parents to read is Secrets of the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg with Melinda Blau) I wish I would have read it 6 years ago! Good LUCK!!

Answer 5

At months old you can get spoiled.And most likely shes not spoiled she's missing mom and dad and knows something is wrong.12 hours a day whats wrong with these parents,this mom.I hope by chance she sees this and sees that her baby needs her.Yes us woman need to work but not stay away from are kids that long.If we take on this role we need to do the role.Anyways the baby needs and is asking for a schedule.Your in charge and need to give that to her.The parents also must make sure there's no health problems-like ear infections or gas related to the formula.Yeah you are the nanny but they still are the parents and you need to tell them to help you so you can set this baby on a schedule.Which will be good for everyone including you,becuz you need to have a good mind set taking care of this infant.Working as a team is what is best for these children and then you can spend more time with the 2 year old who definitly needs your attention.I say to be an excellent care giver you need to set your goals talk them over with the parents and if thier not in an aggreement then this is not the place that best suits you.So many care givers get overly frustrated and lose it with the kids because the parents and nannies don't work together.Try it and good luck,Pookie.

Answer 6

I take it that this is your first nanny job? If it isn't, then you would know that's how many infants work. I know because my daughter was (and can still be) High needs infants especially. My daughter's caregiver has more kids than you too (six). Infants at that age have VERY high demands. It is not possible, esp. with a toddler to meet ALL of them. Meet the ones that esp. need attention - diapering, feeding, etc. - establish a schedule. And, consult with the mother as to what method she prefers to get the baby to sleep. My babysitter used basically a form of Ferber and swaddling (she was four months) and now my daughter goes down, in her bed, just like the other children and has come to expect a nap time at a certain time. But you should communicate with the mom.

While you can't give her comfort all of the time, do give her comfort as much as you can. She's very young and chances are misses her working mom. Think about it, the mom was with her all of the time before she returned to work. At this age, you really can't hold her enough and since you only have two kids, maybe you can sling her while you attend to the other one.

Answer 7

the baby is still very young, and if she is crying it is for a reason. It may be that instead of being spoiled, she feels scared when she is put down, and scared to be on her own.

Is there some way you can comfort her? Perhaps you could wrap her tight in a blanket, so she has a feeling of being held. Does she sleep in a crib? Perhaps she needs the feeling of sleeping in a small space?

I think that "white noise" is a good way of disguising background noise that might wake her up. We bought a clock that played the sound of breaking waves, and it seemed to soothe our babies when they were small.

The baby is old enough to learn to go to sleep on her own. If you don't start to do this now you will have trouble with her going to sleep when she is older.

Can you chat to mum and dad and come up with a combined plan, so you are all working off the same page? It is important to look at what is best for baby, and not what upsets mum and dad. While they think they are being kind to her now if they don't teach her to sleep on her own, get used to noise when she sleeps and even to let her cry sometimes they will have more trouble with her when she's older.

Maybe you need to get read up on some expert opinions, so that when you speak to mum and dad you can do so from the place of knowledge, and this will give you more authority when dealing with the baby

Answer 8

Try the pick up put down technique. The minute the infant stops crying (as long as the baby is not too hot, teething, too cold, uncomfortable, feel ill, got a temerature, hungry, thirsty, bored, anxious needs to change nappy etc) put them back down,
No babies are not spoilt and cannot be, instead they are dependant. The baby is crying for a reason if nothing else it is crying to be held. Why would it want to be held? You are new, you are not the mother and the baby is frightened. It needs reasurance, and a routine.

I must confess I am rather concerened at your lack of obvious child rearing skills for a nanny. I hope you have been trained, but your naievity certainly does not encourage me to place my children in someone elses hands.

Remember, this may be a job for you, but this is the lives of two inviduals who you will have an impact on. Make it a pasotive impact.

Answer 9

It's their baby and if they want it to be held alot - so be it. Get a "Sarah's Ride -hip carrier" or another type of carrier so you can attend to the 2 year old as well, make sure when the infant is asleep while you carry her there is plenty of noise like the TV the radio or whatever naturally occurs. Then when the baby is fully asleep slip them into bed. You could also use a bouncer that jostles the baby when it cries to help it self sooth - but most babies at 4 mos just want to be held - it gets better as they get more active like around 6 mos or so. Hang in there.

Answer 10

I hope you are not letting her cry it out. You do sound like a genuinly concerned nanny and your question does have a lot of merit. I would ask for a raise first off. Then I would carry the baby around in a snuggly for as much as possible. GIving a baby attention is likely to cause them to self soothe sooner because tehy feel secure and will cry only minimally when something is rong because they trust there needs will be met. So if its something they can handle then they do it on their own. MY baby doesnt cry for long either..I always am there right away..but she self soothes very well becasue of it. So im not sure what you can do.