how do you be firm with yourself, how do you decide something then banish all doubts after the decison?

Answer 1

Ironically, in my experience and learning from the experience of others, the doubt never fully goes away for many people after they make difficult decisions. This was a big eye-opener for me... and a large relief as well, once I realized it.

The question is really, how do you live with the doubt that you experience -- the notion that you might have chosen more wisely or had a better outcome than what occurred?

Many problems in life have no "best answer." Sometimes there is a "better" answer than another, but usually every answer has some flaws or negatives associated with it.

People who enjoy the feeling of having control over their lives usually do not consider the doubts afterwards; they just ignore them and focus on the good things. People who are afraid of picking the wrong thing or somehow short-changing themselves are the ones who struggle afterwards.

To answer your question, instead of trying to banish your doubt, I think what you need to work on experiencing is a change of attitude in how you view hard decisions.

Tell yourself these things:

1. I am making the best decision I can, at this time. I will not blame myself if I don't pick the best answer, because I know I tried to do my best and that's all I could have done.

2. It's okay for me to make mistakes or sometimes fail to pick the best solution. It's not the end of the world, even if it feels that way or I regret what I chose.

3. Many decisions can be "recovered" from -- i.e., if I make a mistake, I can make future decisions that help compensate or even change the direction of my life. True, some decisions (such as marriage) are seemingly irreversible, but you can still make choices that will help you cope with what you chose. The bottom line is, I am never permanently "trapped" or ruined because of a single choice.

4. I will enjoy what I have chosen, simply because I have chosen it -- it was MY decision and I can take pleasure in the experience of of freedom that comes with choice. My decision belonged to me.

5. I will not rush decisions; I will take as much time as I reasonably need. I will not make decisions out of desperation or unnecessary haste, being afraid that an opportunity will pass me by. I will consider the positive and negative aspects of my options and pick the one I can best live with.

6. Often, fulfillment is found in accepting and committing to what I have chosen (i.e., I "make" my choice the best one), rather than somehow picking the choice that would have gratified me the best. Part of enjoying my choice is under my control.


See? Basically, you must teach yourself how to accept and even appreciate your decision, rather than banishing any doubts afterwards. Trying to banish doubts is an endless war; and humans always have doubts, because we don't know everything up front.

If you have a religious faith that involves trusting in God (someone who cares about you and will guard your steps), then you can also alleviate some fear by believing in the benevolence of God and that things will work out somehow.

These ideas are helpful to me. I hope they help you in some way as well.

Answer 2

its hard....just try to stop and listen to your inner self. do what you feel is right. your instinct is rarly wrong, almost never. and plus its better to be sorry for what you did then what you didnt do. trust me.

"the heart has reasons, that reason don't understand"

Answer 3

pray about it, ask God to guide you, then put it in His hands, give your problems to Him knowing that he is ultimately in charge