This is a complicated story. First, I love my husband with all of my heart. We have been married for almost two years. The thing is, he doesn't love me and has admited this. He is wanting to see other girls, have an open relationship, but still be married to me. He says he is not against starting a family. He wants me to stay he wants me to be his wife but he doesn't love and and he doesn't like having sex with me. I am very limited on a budget so I cannot move out on my own. I don't have any family or friends that can help me. I can get a roommate who is a stranger but I am afraid of this as well. My husband is very responsible and makes a decent living. He takes very good care of me and I seldom ever go without. However, he cannot stop throwing these other women up in my face. What is your opinion?
2007-01-11 07:00:05 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
A few of you asked me questions so here is more info. I am 25 years old. My husband is a very good man but he thinks differently then most people. I don't think he knows how much he is hurting me. He sees me cry but thinks I just want attention. I told him earlier we could try an open relationship because I was desperate to try to save the marriage. We had only been married two months and he was wanting a divorce. Now that this has come about, I see that I don't like it but he will not let me change my mind on it. Says he wants his "freebies". He is very caring at times. He does a lot to try to make me happy but he won't stop on this one issue. I cannot stand these other women. It kills me. Yet I love him and being away from him even for one day rips me up inside. We live in a small poor town where you have to know someone to get a decent job. I am a college grad. I have been looking for a better job for months but it has been fruitless. I feel really scared now.
2007-01-11 07:47:05 · update #1
That's one of the saddest things I've ever read on here....Now, for my advice as to what to do. Start saving some money, while continuing to live there with him. Do not give him permission to "see" (another word for ...have sex with) other women. Do the best you can towards retaining your self-esteem all the while. When opportunity presents itself, leave his sorry butt, and move on in your life. There is a good, decent, honest man out there that will love you....but you will have to take some time to heal first. After healing, slowly but surely, start dating again. When my ex first left, the thought of another woman made me want to gag. I thought ALL women were the same cold, heartless bit** she was...but they are NOT! And neither are all men like your husband.....there are some wonderful guys out there. In time, you're going to find one and be a very happy lady. Best wishes to you!
2007-01-11 07:14:51 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are in a very sad situation. I would say definitely do not start a family. Children learn about relationships by watching their parents. They would "pick up" on the love that isn't there, and then grow up to think this is normal. Having children to improve a marriage doesn't work. A relationship doesn't ever work if the love is one- sided. It's really hard to love someone who doesn't love you back, and worse when they are constantly reminding you of that. However, you DESERVE to find a person that DOES love you, and that is harder to do if you are still in a marriage. I would hate to see anyone waste years in a loveless relationship, when they could have had that time with someone who really cares and loves them. Maybe some counseling would help you find the reasons why you feel you have no options but to stay. Depend on yourself first, and love yourself first, and good things will come.
2007-01-11 07:19:08 · answer #2 · answered by sassy_395 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie you are so much better than this. You shouldn't even be thinking about staying with this man. I know how hard it is to except its over when you love someone so much but you are a grown woman and you can live without a man. If he makes good money and you don't until the divorce is final I believe he will have to pay you support. That is a good way to get out on your feet. After the divorce is final you won't get it anymore because you haven't been married 5 years. But this will give you time to get away from this man and make a new life for yourself. You can't think this is OK. You have got to know your better than this. Good Luck
2007-01-11 07:18:05 · answer #3 · answered by corene D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a selfish jerk. Sorry, I know you love him, but it's really crummy of him to throw these other women in your face and make you feel horrible b/c he doesn't like having sex with you. This is what I would do:
1. Stay with him (for the financial security) until you find a BETTER man.
2. Or you can have a couple kids, then once you divorce you'll get an extra $1000 or more (depending on income) per month to support the kids and you'll be able to afford decent housing and you can start a life with people who love you unconditionally and you can meet a good man.
I'm sure I'll get some thumbs down for this last one, but it's what I would do...
2007-01-11 07:06:42 · answer #4 · answered by Quintessa 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Wow, it sounds like you are in a very difficult position. My husband and I love eachother very much and there is nothing in the world like it. I would say dont miss out on that feeling. You are loving alone and thats no way to live. You wont be happy in an open relationship. Leaving will be the hardest thing you do, but you can do it. To be honest you already have a stranger roomate. Life is way to short to spend it with someone who doesnt love you.
2007-01-11 07:07:49 · answer #5 · answered by Sillybear 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are a very generous person. Selfless almost. I don't comprehend how it is possible to love someone who doesn't love me, but you do, and I don't know whether to cheer for you or cry.
People do it all of the time, however, they usually have children who are grown and off in college before living life that way.
I think that by posting here you are saying that you deserve better emotionally. And I wish you the best in finding a life and place where you are valued as sacredly as you value your husband. (who is clearly a lot less mature than you are).
2007-01-11 07:10:06 · answer #6 · answered by Aurora 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to leave him. If your married, and he makes a decent living a good divorce lawyer will get you 50% of his assest, and future earnings.
What would he say to you bringing a guy home or dating ? Probably wouldn't allow it.
He wants you around, so he can go out?
And sorry, but what do you mean he's open to starting a family. If he doesnt' want to have sex with you, who's he looking to start a family with ?
Sorry, very bad situation, but it's time to move on. ps. how old are you ? Reason is, the older you get, the tougher it is to move on. If your still young or even fairly young, move on, and find another man.
Best of luck
2007-01-11 07:08:08 · answer #7 · answered by food for thought 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
let me start by saying this guys shows like a loser with a captial L and even if he is taking can of you when it comes to money he is unworthy of you and throwing other women in your face proves just what a jerk he is.marriage is suppose to be about caring for each other on terms of love and support and your husband isn't doing that for you.
get a roomate if you have to but do what you must to get away from this guy. you deserve better than him and deserve a life that is your own
i really hope you can find someone out there who will treat you the way you desevre and i hope this guy your with now realizes just what a big mistake he is making
2007-01-11 07:14:13 · answer #8 · answered by gogirl0283 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OMG are you being a door mat . what are you waiting for ? for him to bring home an std to you ? get the h-ll out of this so called marriage and never ever have a kid with him . You know what honey this is the year 2007 women have jobs,cars and homes on their own we dont need men to do this for us . Why are you letting this man walk on you ? you need to get a life of your own .You know get a roomate they might become your best friend. Next time he starts throwing those women up in your face just laugh at him and he will stop doing it when he see it does not get ;to you anymore . I hope this helped . do yourself a favor and get a life away from this loser.
2007-01-11 07:41:43 · answer #9 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What are YOU sacrificing him by giving him what HE wants? Love is something that is returned... one-sided love is just that... ONE sided. Think about any future children... is this the example you want to set for THEM about a happy, successful relationship?
I bet you can do a whole lot more on your own than you think. You might have to sacrifice some of the niceties that you experience now... maybe find a "room to rent" or someone you can move in with and pay a roommate fee....but you will have your self-esteem, your peace of mind... and be able to live with YOURSELF.
No matter WHAT he tells you... letting him have what HE wants is not going to make YOU happy. YOU are responsible for your own happiness.. and it sounds like you are not happy with his suggestion arrangement.
I would take serious stock of my life... find out what I am willing to give up (emotionally, spiritually, financially, physically) and what I am NOT willing to give up... and then decide if HIM in your life is helping you be a happy, successful, satisfied woman.
If you are willing to have JUST a roommate who has no cares about how you feel... who will be bringing different women home, having SEX with them (with you in the next room?), and telling you all his "stories" - then treat him like a roommate...
But if you are going to subject yourself to all of that and expect him to be a "husband..." Then you are going to be severely disappointed, sad, and hurt. Your love will turn into resentment, your happiness will turn into depression.. and he will happily go through HIS life not caring.
It is a tough decision -but one you have to make for your own sanity... you can love him... but you HAVE to love yourself too... otherwise, he will NEVER respect you.
2007-01-11 07:11:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋