How can i get my hubby to listen to me without handcuffing him to the chair!?I am 22 turning 23 and have been married a year to my hubby who is 25.Problem is he wants kids and i dont feel ready?He has always wanted kids young and expected his wife to stay home.This is not who i am or will ever be!My career is just started and i dont plan on kids for another 3-4 yrs.I will never ever be a house wife that he wants because it will make me feel caged .My hubby and i are polar opposites i am free spirited / open minded/love to have fun.My hubby is conservative , uptight,and he used to like to have fun no longer does.I want to travel he would prefer not to leave the state ever!He was fun before we got married now he is this coservative christian about everything?I am catholic but not overly so i play by my own rules thanks . He wants to force me to go too church as if he were my parent? Recently he has begun to complain about my clothing!
2007-01-11 06:04:53 · 11 answers · asked by Joceslyn G 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I feel tied down and my feelings what little left are fading fast.He does not listen to me saying i just have not settled down into married life?He was a totally different person when we met in college and no none of these issues ever came up.
2007-01-11 06:07:52 · update #1
Got the number to a good lawyer? Go ahead and look it up now....it'll come in handy before long. I'm not gloating in the fact, just being honest. It's only a matter of time before arguing of this magnitude, takes it's toll. Good Luck!!
2007-01-11 06:31:07 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I totally agree with you the fact that having kids and be a house wife is not a good idea. Since you are young, you have quite a future to explore. Might ended to be more successful than your husband. Staying home and be a house wife will be a waste. There are alot of responsibilities of raising kids. It's not as easy as some people think. By the way, it's not right that your hubby expected you to be home. Nowadays, there are quite alot of males who stay home and watch the kids while woman work. The bottom line is, he should be patient until you are ready to have a family with him. As a matter of fact, he should respect your decision. Besides, you will be the one who goes through all the pregnancy period, not him. To him will be simple just watching you being pregnant. He does not feel the pain, hormone change, mood swing, etc...... If he continues to give you trouble, try marriage counseling. And if that does not work, no point staying him. Move on with someone else.
2007-01-11 06:44:37 · answer #2 · answered by Inquirer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is always a bumpy road. I've been married 7 years going onto 8, with him for 10. We bought a house together when I was 19. We weren't even married so we kinda started out young. Beggining was tough however you both will learn to deal with each others emotions and needs. When my husband complained about dinner not being ready one time, I simply told him without showing any anger even tho I wanted to chop his head off, that if he doesn't communicate with me, I won't have dinner ready. He needs to tell me what thinks we should have for dinner and not just expect me to think of it everyday. The best is communication without anger or screaming. Kids is tough tho, I'm a notch from 30 and still don't feel ready. My husband on the other hand has brought up kids and wants them now. He's 32 and feels that he's not getting any younger. I have told him that I'd like to wait till 32 or 33 for me. He's willing to wait till I'm ready. What a man needs to understand is that the women is and will be the primary caretaker of the child. For them it seems easy just to get you pregaunt but for women there's much more invovled. He needs to understand that if he loves you and wants your marriage to work. Remember you will be the one, changing and buying diapers, bathing, feeding, walking, playing with ,healing. And everytime you need to go somewhere like friends house, church, or even to the store, you will have to get yourself ready and the child. He will not have to deal with as much as you will being a mother. Not only will the child be a chore but you also will have the rest of your chores as well. We got a dog 8 years ago. It was supposed to be my husbands. Guess who takes care of it. It's my chore buying the food, feeding, and washing him. My husband just brags to his friends that he's got a dog. But I fell in love with the animal and he's always by my side.can't complain much anymore .Last thing I wanted to say is that if he doesn't like you now which is the way he married you then he can't expect to change you overnight just because he married you and now considers you his property. Marriage is a 2 way street with both parties contributing to life with each other.
2007-01-11 07:03:50 · answer #3 · answered by Kathy G 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stick to your guns. It sounds like he's trying to manipulate you into his way of thinking - don't allow it. Just keep telling him "NO, Not yet". Persistance will beat resistance. Don't get flustered - just hold your ground. Don't worry about him listening - just repeat the same thing in response. Sooner or later, he'll realize you can't be persuaded. Some men are control freaks - mine showed his true colours after marriage too. I had my kids young, and while there are some benefits (don't mind losing sleep), if I had it to do over, I would get my career in order first. Good Luck
2007-01-11 06:42:56 · answer #4 · answered by Bondgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You guys probably should have discussed this before you decided to get married. My husband and I decided to wait 5 yrs before we decided to have children and now we're expecting. Sure our primary goals have changed through the years however, whatever we decided we agree to support each other and if it doesn't work out, then oh well. If he truly has respect for you he would allow you to fulfill your personal goals right now and see where the road will take you, as for him, maybe he should do the same, or better yet, actually sit down and have a discussion about it. Maybe you guys could go out to a nice restaurant or cook dinner at home. That would probably be better...no distractions. Sit him down, keep good eye contact, and tell him what's on your heart.
2007-01-11 06:21:52 · answer #5 · answered by cleopatra_jd 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
IT IS NOT!
Sorry bad joke.
This issue is a deal breaker. What the heck did you guys get married for?
You have different expectations out of life, marriage and family. Do yourselves a favor and find common ground on this issue (NOT compromise - one or both of you will resent the other) or divorce.
2007-01-11 06:10:31 · answer #6 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think we should trade spouses!! My wife wants kids now at 24 and I don't at 27!!!
P.S. I moved out from her this week and am gettin a divorce. This was one of our major differences...
2007-01-11 06:24:58 · answer #7 · answered by Back in the game... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should concentrate on your careers and forget children right now.
I'm Catholic and I can only say to you that It's your choice when and where to do what you do and your husband should respect that and if he can't and no children involved right now....BAIL OUT
2007-01-11 06:11:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get a new hubby
2007-01-11 06:22:54 · answer #9 · answered by JRSK007 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but this doesn't sound good. It sounds like you are not compatible at all --and you are miserable. Try counseling and see if things improve.
2007-01-11 06:26:27 · answer #10 · answered by StormyC 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋