This is kind of long, I'll try to keep it simple. I'm only 19 years old, but I'm LEGALLY married to the father of my son. I left him about a year ago because he always yelled at me, called me names, and generally made me feel really low about myself. He keeps having these moods where he wants me back and it's very awkward for me. I've tried before just flat out telling him it won't happen twice, and he gets really depressed and stuff, it's like he thinks every few months or so I've changed my mind. He called the other day and left a message on my voicemail about wanting to talk to me and it having nothing to do with Logan (our son) and I think he's going to say something about wanting me back. What should I tell him?
2007-01-11 05:55:14 · 16 answers · asked by Crystal 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't be a fool. Say no. He's depressed because he doesn't have you around to degrade and humilate. You get back together...it'll be fine for a couple of weeks..maybe...and then it'll start again. But you see, the difference is that he'll become much more aggressive with you because your coming back to him (in his mind you crawled back) will reaffrim his belief that YOU need him more than He you.
I know how this works baby. Seen it a million times. you're 19. Apparently have a good head on your shoulders. Any woman over 30 I wouldn't even dignify this with an answer because at that age you should already know the answer to this. You're young and still have a few things to be brought up to speed on. Don't make this mistake and return. Stay away. Once abusive will always leave the door open for it to occur again, wheteher physical or mental...it's both bad.
Good luck and take heed.
2007-01-11 06:11:08 · answer #1 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you don't want him back, then tell him that. It's not complicated. Just say you two aren't compatible and that you wish him well, but you two hurt each other and there's just too much baggage at this point. If you have a son together, I suppose you are going to talk sometimes, but it's time to set some boundaries: tell him it's not doing either of you any good to keep covering the same ground over and over, and that neither of you is going to be happy until you both accept that your lives are taking the two of you in different directions.
Done. Next.
2007-01-11 14:20:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you have a son together, you will need to be in contact with him through your life. However, he needs to realize that there is a line he can not cross. I would tell him that when he calls you from now on you will only discuss Logan with him and nothing else. Be firm and stick to that! If he starts to talk about something else, remind him and if that doesn't work say good bye. Good luck!
2007-01-11 14:01:06 · answer #3 · answered by Mommy to 2 cuties 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes people do change. hes young and hes immature maybe someday he will realize the errors of his ways and be a changed man. you obviously loved this man enough at one point to have a child with him. im not the person that says stay with someone for the childs sake. thats retarted. if hes making the home a hostile environment you and the child are better off without him there. give the guy a chance, dont move in with him, dont let him stay over all the time. let him take you out to dinner 1 night, test the watters, but make him pay for the sitter
-james
us army soldier
2007-01-11 14:03:53 · answer #4 · answered by jimmyjames83 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you still love him? Why haven’t you filed for divorce? Marriage counseling is advised, which both should attend together. It is not just what you want any more. You have a child and it is in the child’s best interest to try and save the marriage. If you don’t love him or he’s unwilling to get counseling and change, then file for divorce and obtain a visitation agreement. Don’t prolong the confusion and difficulties for both of you. Act now; try to fix the problems first, before you throw in the towel.
Stay focused. I know you can do this.
2007-01-11 14:47:16 · answer #5 · answered by last_of_the_romantic_men 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not talk to him about getting back together. I lived in an abusive relationship for quite a while. You have already made the right decision for the safety and well being for both you and your son. You sould make it legal. Good luck!
2007-01-11 14:32:02 · answer #6 · answered by alexanderiamarie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get together with a councilor so you have another party their to witness what is going on. Tell him it is over and that you want nothing else to do with him except concerning his son and to stop playing these games. Once, he knows you are serious he should leave you alone , then file for divorce, if you do not want to to be married anymore. You also have a witness if he harasses you.
2007-01-11 14:21:57 · answer #7 · answered by springer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what you mean because I'm in the same situation. I'm getting more and more into taking everyone's advice now and trying to move on. My ex has done this to me for over 3 years though!!! We've never been married and this makes me doubt he ever will. He'll be with me, get mad, talk down to me, leave me unexpectedly. We don't have kids, but maybe you can learn from me & maybe I can learn too to just move on & be happy on my own.
2007-01-11 14:12:09 · answer #8 · answered by Green Eyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you dont want him back, tell him if its not about Logan its not open for discussion. He will sooner or later get the hint. TEll him you have moved on from him, and are very happy with the way your life is going.
2007-01-11 14:00:45 · answer #9 · answered by hank 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you have no intention of reconciling. Tell him that you would be happy to remain friends for the sake of your son, but reconciliation is out of the question as you are no longer in love with him.
2007-01-11 14:02:49 · answer #10 · answered by Lilith 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋