Why am I always the bad guy?

Question

My husband (now ex) had an affair after ten years of marriage and left me for the other woman. His reason - he was not happy. I have custody of our son and he visits his Dad and the other woman who is now living with my ex. Whenever I have concerns about our son and I try and talk to my ex about it he always says I am interfering in his life. I do not call the guy unless it has something to do with our son and I barely see him! Also, whenever I discipline my son for bad behaviour I get the comment "I want to live with my Dad". It seems that even though I did nothing wrong and try my best to help my son adjust I still get all the cra$. I fully support his relationship with his Dad. I say nothing bad about my ex or the OW - even though I have to grit my teeth and bite my tongue. Anyone else in this situation? How do you deal with it? Maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself?

Answer 1

When you tell yourself "why am I always the bad guy" your giving your ex the power in letting yourself believe that you are. You know your NOT and you have NEVER been, so stop believing it and giving him the power over your thinking and emotions.....Believe in yourself and know you are the better of you & your ex. You wernt the one who had an affair and now lives with the home wrecker. By the way I don't think you are feeling sorry for yourself your just plain FRUSTERATED because things are so unfair right now........Just belive and know YOU ARE BETTER than them..........
It may not seem like it now because of your sons behavior from the divorce and all but he will grow up knowing how wonderful, loving, caring, supportive and what a great mother you have always been to him. You should truely think about joining a divorced care group in your area because they are VERY supportive and they can help you deal with every thing you are feeling and going through.. I have never been to one myself because I have delt with things my own way but I hear they are really supportive to belong to.
P.S. You sound like you are a wonderful mother and woman , your son is VERY LUCKY to have you as his mother........

Answer 2

Well, that's parenting. If your kid hates you, I know for sure that you are doing a good job.
Some people think that doing what is GOOD for your kid and doing what makes your kid HAPPY can always be achieved together. You and I both know that this is not the case.

Your son is... 14 or so? He is busy being awkward, cracking his voice, doesn't know if he's straight or gay, tripping on every flight of stairs he walks because his legs are growing an inch a day.

Have patience! You are doing well; don't ever let spite enter into the relationship between you and your son, even if it's spite directed at someone else.

Answer 3

Actually I am willing to bet that you are looking at it (and presenting it here) from only your side. That said though here is what I think...

He cheated, he is an *** and you really do not his crap. Don't worry about talking to him unless your son's safety or wellbeing is involved. As for your son...Next time he says that tell him he can but he cannot come back to live with you if he does. He can come to visit but not live. IF it is a ploy then he will stop. If it is the truth then you should prepare your self for the eventual move anyway. there will come a time when he can make that decision.

Answer 4

it truly is the age previous question. the best ladies get no dates, and performance no boyfriends. seem at bill Gates the originator of Microsoft a geek, a peculiar guy who made this achieveable. undesirable boys are relaxing cool, and often broke by way of the time it really is asserted and carried out. The 'good' adult men on the different hand artwork flat out make a life and are available across a staggering woman who's more effective than ideal, she is organic, straightforward and by no ability in it for the relaxing. it is your decision, do you pick to be a 'cool' jerk or a straightforward, sensible and loving human being with a destiny.

Answer 5

Don't feel sorry for yourself. Kids try to use a little leverage by saying things like that. If he was to live with his father and he got in trouble, the first thing he would say is that he wants to live with you. I also sense that your son is angry about the whole situation. Kids have different ways of expressing themselves when their parents go through a divorce. Don't blame yourself for any of this. The bottom line is your ex cheated on you and then tried to throw the blame on you. This new relationship of his won't last, either. If you want to talk more about this, you can e-mail me through here. and I'll be happy to talk.

Answer 6

Excuse me, but being a parent is doing the best you can with what you have. I'm a father and I have no problem being the bad guy. I tell my kids no and I ground them and I make them do chores. I also tell them if I didn't care I would let them do what ever they wanted, but I do care and I want them to grow up to be happy healthy people. If that means that they have to learn NOT to be lazy, to do their homework, to do what is expected then so be it. In the end my kids tell me I'm a good Dad. I also talk to my kids and ask them about their lives.

Over time your kids will know if you are really the good or bad guy.

Answer 7

Girl, hang in there. You're doing a good job and you know it. Your ex is a jerk, and this is a hard time, raising a son on your own. Just do your best and in the end, your son will love you. And your ex can take a flying leap.

Answer 8

i think i can kinda relate to that,its like u try ur best to deal with the situation but everyone just dont see it that way..um...i guess the best u can do is to try to go out and find someone new,or start over,do the same ur ex did,start ur life over and be happy,i dont really know what advice to give u,but i can definately relate to that,but no matter what always stay positive and try to do things to make urself happy,people will want to be around happy people,i know people who have gone through that same situation,and the ones who are happy are wanted around,unlike the ones who feel sorry for themselves and dont do anything to move on

Answer 9

You are very unhappy person right now...You probably believe that you have a good reason for that, still your negative and unhappy attitude makes your son wanting to go away. He doesn't analyzes who is right, who is not, he just wants to be in more happier and loving atmosphere. Even if it's not real reality.
You have to talk with your son more, openly and sincerely. Open your heart to him. Tell him about your pain.

Answer 10

think the girlfriend has alot to say every time u call. he is a father and should be willing to discuss things concerning his son. think the new woman is causing problems, and is insecure, and thinks every time u call it's because u want him back. just a thing u will have to deal with, it is never easy. your son is manipulating the situation and using it against u whenever he is corrected. just stop calling their house, its all to do with his new woman, and she will cause your hubby problems whenever u call.