should he be allowed to see his daughter???

Question

my ex-husband was in prison when i met him, not the smartest choice, but it happens, he was a great guy, we had a baby and he left 2 months after she was born. after that he only took her to go show her off to people, he could not give her a bath on his own, when he was still here, he did not even know where her diapers were or her p.j.s , he has moved back to where he used to live and is/was doing drugs. he did not try to see her for a couple of months so i went and got sole custody. he has not paid a dime of child support. i changed my number, and my email. my daughter is almost 2 he has not seen her in 18 months. do you think in the near future he should be allowed to see her????????

i forgot to mention he lives with his girlfriends mother. he is 29 years old, he is a big loser, and he cant hold down a job to save his life, and a compulsive liar. no joke

Answer 1

You have answered the question that I would ask you; that is, "has he been a father to your daughter?" It does not appear that he has in any way, shape or form. He does not deserve to see her, as he has not been a father to her. Later on, when she is old enough and when your daughter asks questions, let her be the one to decide if she wants to see him. Until then, I would not let him see her.

Answer 2

Ok, I'm a divorced mom of two boys, and I've been through the whole custody thing. First, visitation is not a right, it's a priviledge, and whether or not he chooses to pay child support, doesn't qualify him the priviledge.
Second, I normally am all about parents being able to see their children, even if the girl/guy is a dead beat, but if he's doing drugs and has no means to support himself, how can you trust him during visitation? Personally, I would be afraid he would do something stupid and try to take off with her.
What would be in your best interest and hers, is to get away from this guy. Focus on ya'lls life, not his, and if you meet someone else, and marry, pray that this person will be an outstanding father figure as well as a decent hubby. If not, there are successful single parents in this world, some who do not receive any Child Support.
If it's your goal to get the C.S., then you need to talk to the child support agency, about having his wages and even federal taxes garnished from his wages. And yes, they can do that. If he's behind on back child support, the child support agency will take his federal taxes before he gets it and give it to you, he'll only be left with state. That's your call.

Answer 3

Please allow me to explain legally how the court system views your situation as it relates to visitation in the United States. The court is not concerned with what the parents think or feel about each other, only the safety and wellfare of the child. Without concrete proof any inapproaite behaviour any accusations are usually considered the rantings of an enraged half of a relationship or marriage. The only concern is for the child/child rights and every child (regardless of who has custody) has the right to know both parents whether of not they are good or bad individuals. IMO You should, in this instance, only allow supervised visitation meaning you must be present at all times. This provides for you to protect your child from any detrimental/harmful activities or actions that the father could expose your daughter to.

As a father I too have children that I have not been able to visit for the last 7 years. You hear all the time people saying "Nothing could keep me from fighting for........blah blah" and yet the truth is that it just isn't realistic with regard to money and time and putting the children through all that (not to mention a distance of 5000+miles). For you to even consider keeping her from him is to contemplate criminal activity (against the child not the looser Ex) and that's how it will be treated by any domestic court. Love her, teach her and protect her.... she'll probably grow up more aware that her dad's a looser than you might realize. Sometimes children can suprise us with their intelect.

The reality is that children ARE NOT possessions and we as parents don't own them. We are simply caretakers for the lives that we are lucky enough to bring into this world and have shared with us for a lifetime.

Answer 4

what was he in prison for and what type of drugs is he using...hard core drugs then i would not feel comfortable unless someone Elsa was in the house with him .. a little weed than that may be OK.. but at her age if he cant care for her properly than i would really have to think about it ... maybe for a few hours in the day time to start out just to see if he has matured enough ... some men can not do anything for a baby..but once the become toddlers or preschoolers than thing change and they become better parents...i would not track him down for visitation though

Answer 5

He sounds like someone I would not allow near my son...But you didn't ask that. you ask if he should be allowed to see her. If and when he tries, get a lawyer and go to court. Make certain that they understand his drug use. At the very least this may give you a case for supervised visits.

He should be allowed to see her as it is his right and your daughters. When she is older she can chose not to see him, but you have no right to stop it with out taking him to court.

BTW it has nothing to do with jobs, or living with an older women or even if he pays child support. None of these are required for visitation. Drug use is a concern and can cause some question of safety.

Answer 6

You will never be able to prevent that man from seeing his daughter. You would either have to get him to give up rights to her or prove him unfit. Courts will only inforce child support and even if he doesn't pay, he is still permitted to see the child. I'm sorry, but this is how the law is. Good luck and GOD bless.

Answer 7

I would say NOOOOO! IF he ever proves that he has gotten his life turned completly around, is clean of drugs and alcohol, has a job and a place of his own, I would NOT subject my child to a person like him. Remember... its not what is fair to HIm, but what is healthy for your daughter. You did right by getting sole custody.

Answer 8

You are responsible for your daughter's health as well as safety. It doesn't sound like the environment in which your ex lives in is neither save of healthy. So unless you have some kind of papers from a judge, you decide for your child. Good luck.

Answer 9

That really depends. Is he still using drugs? no, then maybe he is trying to make things right. yes, then no I wouldn't let him, unless it was a supervised visit. and also does your child wanna see him. those are all things to ask your self. you have sole custody so its really up to you, he could try to bring you to court for visitation, fight him on it or tell the court you want supervised visits. Good Luck.

Answer 10

i would say no. besides the fact that he is a bad example to your daughter, you don't want him walking in and out of your daughter's life. she is old enough now to get attached to someone and love them. and if he comes back and she gets used to him being around and them he leaves again it will confuse her. my ex did this to my daughter. she is 20 months old and even though its been 4 months since she's seen him she still asks me where he is. it's such a hard thing to answer to such a young child.

Answer 11

Unless he has changed it ways and is not using drugs, I would get a court to declare him an unfit father. If he has truly been 'reformed' (doubtlfully) then I would start with supervised visits. But the law is on your side either way.