I have been on my own for 4 years, we have 4 children. I thought I'd moved on but seemingly I've just got on...me and Ex have tried to maintain friends and know he wants answer's to why the marriage broke up and he wants us to get back together. I feel desperate. I love him but scared that history would repeat. He will do anything to get us back together and I am so depressed, It feels like we have just split again. We have started to go to relate, but it seems to be directed towards the relationship getting back and starting again. I want to be happy but were wern't happy being married and it became desperate and conditional. I know that a friendship may well be lost and I don't think I could cope with that. I'm really messed up.
2007-01-11 05:24:42 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I was in your position once. I still loved the man concerned even though the relationship was hopeless. I took him back twice, and gave it my best shot. I wasted the best years of my life (yes I know it's a cliche) but it's true. I bitterly regret the time I cannot recapture, Go forward - there IS someone else out there for you.
2007-01-11 06:32:58 · answer #1 · answered by jet-set 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
u have to resolve the problems that caused the divorce in the first place. tell him that you and he needs to go to counseling. that u are just too afraid things will return to the way they once were. unless u both know why it ended, than u can't work on it or make changes. got to tell him what u don't want. 4 years is a long time, either he has learned from his past, or he has no where else to go. sometimes we go through alot of pain and hurt, and we do grow as a result of it. just give it some time, don't jump into it so quickly.
2007-01-11 05:34:54 · answer #2 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It didn't work before, but that doesn't mean that it won't work now. Maybe at that time, there was too much going on and it was impossible to make it work at that time, hence the divorce. Maybe now, it is better. For the sake of the kids, it needs to at least be strongly considered. Noone said you have to get re-married. But I think it is worth a shot! Go for it. It's not desperation at all. I think it would help w/the depression. If you see it going back to the same old crap, and you are more miserable than happy, noone said you can't end it again, but you should at least try. It might be better the 2nd time around and I think your kids would be soooooooo happy if you guys worked it out.
2007-01-11 05:30:10 · answer #3 · answered by Brooke's Mommy 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First i think you need to forget that you were ever actually married because for any chance for this to work you need to go back to scratch again. In other words stop worrying about why it did not work last time and focus on making something work this time.
Get yourself a copy of 'mars & Venus on a Date' by John Grey (the same guy who wrote' men are frm Mars...' and read it (at least twice) and then start dating in the same way as if this was a brand new boyfriend). I think you will be surprised how effective this can be.
good luck
2007-01-11 05:30:39 · answer #4 · answered by D B 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The man is looking for answers. If you still love him, why can't you sit down and talk this out? What is there to feel desperate about? You're a grown woman with 4 children. If you can work things out with your man, you need to do that. Is this why the marriage failed? Because you were acting like a child? Grow up, my friend!
2007-01-11 06:19:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've moved on! Now, MOVE ON! Stop talking, leaving room for something you don't want . When he starts talking about reconciliation, tell him unless it directly concerns the kids , we have nothing to discuss. You know it will get right back where it was, if you get back together, and NEVER work, so stay out of it now that you're out. You say you've moved on.......now, act like it!
2007-01-11 05:32:14 · answer #6 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, if you want to get back together, go ahead. But there's ground rules. That CAN'T be broken or bent. Tell him that at the first sign that things are going back to the (bad) way they were, you're out. That's it. No chit chat, no tears, lay it out clearly for him.
If he acts up, kick him out. Thats it. Otherwise, get back together, have fun, and work hard on the things that were wrong before. Try everything to fix it. If it doesn't work out in the end, at least you can say you tried your best.
2007-01-11 05:39:47 · answer #7 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well tell him you dont want the past to repeat and if you love him date him so that you can find out if he is changeddon't move in with him or anything just talk and date once and awhile to slowly move into something but dont just jump back in
2007-01-11 05:28:11 · answer #8 · answered by The H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember the bad times, if you still consider the relationship getting back together, then maybe start dating as if it was a new relationship. keep you Independence, that way if it doesn't work you haven't got to start again. Good luck on what ever you decide.
2007-01-11 05:31:50 · answer #9 · answered by MIKE C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't go bak 2 him coz y did he leave u on the 1st place.
Coz if u give him a chance he will muck abt more and hurt u more!
These men just want us back when they are finished!
I am saying this 4 ur own benefit darlin!
2007-01-11 05:28:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋