realise though our talks and conversations that the real problem is deeper. although he swares there is noone else in his life, i think he does not have feelings for me anymore. i asked him several times "how do you feel", "are you still in love with me", but he just remains silent. Silence is all i get as an answer. i think he cannot say a straight no, because the sad truth scares him as well. consequences on our lives are desastrous, we have two kids and i am 18 weeks pregnant. he knows i cannot live without love, i cannot be in a house just to cook and clean and feed everyone, i need love. i know he does not want to lose his children, but i cannot stay with a man who does not love me, and i also do not want to lose my family. It hurts like hell to only have a long silence to the question "do you still love me?"... have been in total despair for a week, crying at night and hardly eating. thinking of my baby, my life without him, or my life without love. what to do?
2007-01-11 05:18:56 · 11 answers · asked by Lisa 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
counseling could be a way to go, but i have my pride, i do not want to beg for his love. he should be the one taking care of me in my current situation.
i work so i am financially independent and can take care of myself and kids.
i like the answer of nikki newman.. i just wished i could get back into my size 12 clothes...
thanks for all the good answers and for your concerns, at least i have stopped thinking i am the mad one.
as for mean gene and lee f , you are pathetic and you should not have your 2 points for such answers.
Jules angel: how can I be cheating?? i am bearing his child for godsake!!!
2007-01-11 06:06:17 · update #1
I went through the same thing with my husband of 7 years. He had been growing more and more distant, and finally after a major argument, he told me that he "loved me but was not in love with me anymore". He swore there was no one else. I believed him because there were no warning signs, and there was no time where he could have been with anyone else.
We tried discussing the issue for a week, but he had his mind made up he wanted a divorce.. I should note that he did not take this lightly, he cried and was truly upset about everything. So after that week, I moved out. After 2 days of moving out, he called and said he's made a mistake. I told him he had to get counseling before I moved back home. He went to counseling and discovered that there were deeper issues that had nothing to do with me (one being stress over money). So I moved back home 2 months later and its like we're newlyweds again.
So my advice to you is- even though you are hurt, put your pride behind you and go to counseling and get to the root of what is REALLY bothering him. If not together, then ask him to go by himself. You have nothing to lose, and it may save your family.
2007-01-11 10:15:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
ignore first answer - that was just mean, well worse disgusting thing to say!
Is he stressing about the fect that you are pregnat again. It mayhe is pre-occupied thinking about how you will cope with three children. I have two and would worry about coping with a third.
I think if you are 18 weeks pregnant it is unlikely that he has fallen out of love with you - it doesn't just happen, especially if you are having another child.
Unless there is anything else you can think that is bothering him, I would ask him about other things that may be bothering him and try to get t the bottom of it.
Or explain it is no good for anyone if there is a problem to leave it turn into something bigger.
Very difficult question but sincerely hope it all works out for you. Most of all do what is right for you and what you feel comfortable with.
2007-01-11 13:31:15 · answer #2 · answered by peachy 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I cannot believe that idiot Mean Gene has just posted that message, so disgusting.
Anyway, I really feel for you in your situation, it must be so hurtful to think that he has fallen out of love with you. The thing is, it doesn't mean that he has fully. Maybe he is going through some issues in his mind that he isn't able to discuss with you. Maybe he's worries about becoming a father again and that's stressing him. Maybe you both could try some marriage counselling? I know they don't always work but it's worth a go and maybe the opportunity to talk about things in the open will help.
I wish you all the best for the future.
2007-01-11 13:30:25 · answer #3 · answered by pianowez 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I am glad that you will not stay with someone who doesnot love you. You just sound worried and confused not vindictive. That will help the healing process go faster.
Sit and explain this to your husband-
- i need love
- i will not stop you from seeing the kids
- i need to be told i am loved and appeciated
You also need to think if you are able to handle your kids alone, or basically alone.
Sort this out soon so it does not affect your pregnancy. it is not nice to cry instead of enjoying your pregnancy. i know because i was having problems while pregnant and i missed the joys of my first pregnancy.
clear this up one way or the other very soon so you can start ot build your life and family again before the baby comes into this mess.
2007-01-11 13:27:51 · answer #4 · answered by stacy 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Okay, I'm crying now! you got me this morning. I'm really sorry...and your right silence always means what we think it means doesn't it?
Why do people do that? he's being a coward for not being able to just SAY IT OUT LOUD! does he think he's not hurting you by not saying it? Men! idiots.
I wish I had a magic pill that you could take that would make this part of your life go away.
I know this isn't what you want to hear but....you still have your kids they are the most important thing right now focus on them. Hold your chin up, at least your WOMEN enough to FACE the truth even if your man is to much of a COWARD to tell you. Be stronger them him for your kids....
2007-01-11 13:32:38 · answer #5 · answered by SecretFriend 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
What is with all the negativity to this question?? I'm not sure how to answer your question, but people go through emotional ups and downs throughout their lives. Maybe this is just an emotional down for your husband and he is not exactly sure of anything right now. The best thing I can suggest is counseling for both of you together and/or individually also. It may be something so simple that he just needs a little help getting through it.
2007-01-11 13:28:28 · answer #6 · answered by cakelady 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your husband is hurt and he is giving you the silent treatment to punish you...he does still love you but you have to sit down with him and tell him how upset you are and this treatment is not fair on you the baby and the children..he needs to speak to you and stop ignoring you...good luck.
2007-01-14 05:06:21 · answer #7 · answered by fajita 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you love him, but if you want his attentions back, here's what you do:
Ignore him.
Go about your life fill up your time with things you enjoy. Don't let him know that his ignorance is hurting you. You've stated your case, now go on about your business. I'm not saying be a b*tch, just, let him fall in love with the woman he once knew. Ease up a little and he'll come running.
And if he dosn't, you have your answer.
2007-01-11 13:32:13 · answer #8 · answered by Ade 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The feeling of not being loved is a very lonley place to be.There is a problem between you both that must be sorted.Sit down and talk and and resolve this problem before it gets out of hand.
2007-01-11 13:28:17 · answer #9 · answered by tobybites 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i think you've got your answer (silence)now it's up to you to be the bigger person and move on why stay.he's not answering you because you already know stop being so needy of love,and think about your kid's and the one on the way there's no deeper secret on his part except the love is gone not the caring
2007-01-11 13:30:19 · answer #10 · answered by pumpkinbugaboo 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋