My husband is emotionally abusive and a little pysically too, he says its my fault. Does he need help or me?

Question

When I say he is a little physical I mean... He has pushed me into walls, restrains me, forces me into a room or out of, takes things from me (ie cell and keys) and grabs me with unnecessary force. He has only tried to hit me once, but he said he was sleepwalking. When he is angry, he calls me names, says he hates me and such. Recently I discussed this with him and he says I make him do it. I told him he needed to get help for his anger and he told me I needed to not him. He says this because I fight him back if and when I can, he is stronger than I. Everyone he has met knows he has an anger issue, and I told him that too. He insists I need help with it too because I'm "to strong for him". What he means is he pushes me in a corner and I dont submit, I fight back until I can't. Who needs help with anger. My opinion, if he'd stop putting me into the situation I'd stop being fighting back and be the submissive wife God says I should be. Blantly, be my husband and I'll be your wife.

Wow, you guys are fast. I just wanted to add that he is currently stationed overseas. I'm just starting to see things in a new light because when he is here I know he loves me and he is sorry but while he is away, things seems clearer and people make sense. He doesnt like beat me down it just happens quick then its over, except maye twice. And for the comment about me liking it.... I didnt appericate that. I love him like I've loved no other. I know abuse is wrong but sometimes I just feel like I may be making it sound worse than it is. You know, there are two side to everything.

Answer 1

you both need help sorry for being too upfront but why you taking his abuse and no matter what one person does to another doesn't give rights to either to hit or hurt anyone physically or emotionally you both need the help and one thing i have to say is usually things never get better in that type of situation seek for help and soon****

Answer 2

Blaming you for his outbursts is just his way of justifying his undesirable and completely unnecessary behavior. In your question, you ask if we Y! Answerers feel that your husband needs help. Well, in my opinion, you both need help. It is quite obvious that your mate is in desperate need of psychological attention--and fast! You, on the other hand, are in need of a safer place to stay and peace of mind. (A little therapy wouldn't hurt either, especially seeing that there may be a self-esteem issue at play here.) Being a battered woman is no fun, and eventhough your husband has not caused any serious physical harm to you, who's to say that his "light taps" and mindless, yet emotionally draining tantrums will not lead up to it? I'm nothing more than a stranger, so I have no earthly idea what your financial situation is like at the moment, nor do I know anything about your family and/or any area organizations that can help you. What I do know, however, is that you are in a serious situation that you need to get out of--at least, until some changes are made.

Answer 3

I'm sure there's much more to this story than what you've told us, but I'm not suggesting you've hidden anything. I'm just saying that in the limited space you're given, it's hard to give a clear picture.

It's always hard to judge what's really going on in a relationship from the outside. From what I read here, it sounds like your husband needs some serious gingerbread and sunshine pills to balance him out though. Try an intervention with his friends and family. Try everything you can do to get him to go to anger management of his own volition. Therapy never works if the patient isn't willing.

If that doesn't work, hold him down and stick his *** with a needle of morphine. Then tie him up and commit the sucker. I'm being half serious. His anger could escalate, resulting in violence, health issues, and of course, the end of what might be a perfectly salvagable marriage.

I'm sure a few will suggest divorce, but I don't think that's what you want to do. People all have their problems. Nobody is beyond saving if they have somebody there to fight for them. If you think it's worth it, you have to be this person for him. Even if he is a jerk

Cheers, best of luck

Answer 4

First when God says submisive taking it in the *** is not what he ment. Seek some counsil on that note. Second, if you really want your marriage to work than instead of telling him he neads help with anger and go to classes why dont you try saying you too have a problem you would like to work on it lets do it together and you both go to classes. Finally I think your husband is suffering from what I call "little dick syndrome" means he has to compensate for his unmanlyness by picking on those he knows he can out power. I say leave I too am a Christian and I know that we are chrildren of God and he doesnt want us hurt. If your child was in a room with a bully would you make him stay or would you open the door and let him out!! Ill pray for you. You need help now your telling more of the story you make your self out to be a poor battered wowan then you came back and tell us what a wonderful man he is. I am definatly going to stick with the you both need help thing.

Answer 5

I do NOT take that kind of abuse and neither should you because that is not right and I would break up with him. If u really love him then tell him that is it I am leaving if u don't get help and if he still hesitates then leave. This abusing could get worse and maybe even become very dangerous. So don't think he is the only man there are a lot of othr fish in the sea ;-)!

Answer 6

Your husband is the abuser. No one makes someone abuse them. Your husband wants to be the controller, the one with the power. It is so wrong for him to treat you this way. He sounds very much like my ex-husband. And I stress EX. Get out before he really hurts you bad. Abusers will ALWAYS be abusers. They might say they will change, and say they are sorry. They can promise they won't do it again, but believe me, these are empty promises. This is said just to manipulate you into staying. They make you feel sorry for them, as if they are the victim. This is the same old circle that will keep going round and round. You stay, they are good for a week, then they get abusive again. They apologize, you forgive them......until the next time. It is a pattern. It won't stop. Get out before it is to late.

Answer 7

Get out - get away, he does need help. But whether you stay or not, whether he finally gets really out of control and kills you or not.....even if you leave, he will not seek that help until he personally sees the need for it and earnestly desires it.

If he's going to quote Scripture at you, remember the wife is submitting herself to a husband who loves her as Christ loves the church.

What your husband is dishing out isn't love....not even remotely.

Get out - it will only get worse. I know - been there, done that, tried EVERYTHING possible to "help" him. I finally helped myself and walked out the door. Two weeks later a "new" girlfriend surfaced....she didn't get away and he broke her nose, her spirit, and ended up putting her in the hospital.

I walked away to a new life, a happy life, a life where home was a place I could feel at ease in and look forward to going to, instead of dreading what might happen today.

Wishing you the best, which means the courage to do what is best for you - completely apart from him!

Answer 8

Darling.
As a health professional and not having met your husband, I am concerned for YOUR well being. You need to care for your health and it sounds like you are being provoked into lashing out, which anyone would do. It is in our biological make up to fight or flee when backed into a corner and when you can't flee...You get the picture.
Calling names, being demeaning, threatening, using power to intimidate are ALL forms of abusive behaviour and you both need to get help to either move on from the relationship and heal or for you to move on. He has the problem with anger but you both are living with the consequences.

Answer 9

There is no such thing as a little abusive. There is no excuse for him to physically touch you out of anger. Or to say emotionally hurtful things. You keep hiding behind excuses about who and what this man is really about. Your marriage isn't health at all and wasn't he like this before you married him.

Answer 10

He doesnt just need counseling. You need to get out of that situation right now. I mean the very second you read this. Then when you are seperated you should both go to couples therapy and he to anger managment. There is potential for your life to be in danger. I would never so much as raise my voice to my wife.