To all women who have no children...?

Question

How old are you and do you ever plan to have children?
We're seeing 'childless women' more and more these days. I'm 25 and currently live with my boyfriend of one year. And the older I get, the more I'm leaning towards not ever having children. All of my girlfriends have at least one child (they started REALLY young) and I used to feel like I was missing out on motherhood. But now I kind of feel like they are the ones missing out. I don't mean to sound selfish, but with our society being the way it is, what reason is there to have children? I understand that it's human nature to reproduce. But, the children are the ones often left to pay the price.
What do you think about this?

I know this is a touchy subject and I thank everyone who took the time to voice their opinion. Reading your answers shows just how differently we all think, which makes us beautiful. I know that where I am in my life I am not ready to have children. I see so many single women (and couples) struggle to stretch each dollar and I don't want that. I have a good friend going through that right now. But everytime I talk to her she always says she wouldn't trade her baby for all the money in the world. And I admire that. She and her husband continue to struggle and make sacrifices to provide for their little one. And the financial aspect is just the beginning. The emotional strength that is necessary to raise a child overwhelms me. With that said, having a baby is just not for ME. But I do commend those you who chose to do otherwise. It takes an incredible amount of heart to be a parent. God Bless.

Answer 1

I chose poorly at a young age and had a very bad marriage. Thankfully, we had no children together. It took me until the age of 40 to meet the love of my life. I love kids, but we won't be having children together at this late stage.

Answer 2

I'm nearly 30 and I don't have any children. My partner and I are planning a family. He has a 6 year old son from a previous relationship and I just love him to bits!
Having a child is such a huge responsibility that in my past I wasn't ready for. I lacked the patience needed for kids. You are only 25 and when I was your age there was no way I wanted a baby.
I think the reason for women not having kids these days is that there are so many opportunities and doors have opened up for them that previously were non existent. Maybe there were more women in the past who didn't really want kids that we know of but because finding a husband to take care of them and not having any other opportunities (and a lack of birth control!) meant having babies was expected of them.....phew!!! That was a long sentence!
I personally feel you don't sound selfish. If you don't want kids there is nothing wrong with that. I feel the reason why I want a child is because I think kids are so special. My partner and I also want to become foster parents one day.

Answer 3

I'm 30 and I don't have children for the same reason- I am selfish. I love my independence and I simply don't have the desire to parent a child. Not because of the world we live in, after all, we've survived , but because it seems a programmed response to our society that lacks attention in thought. "That's what were expected to do mentality or everyone else does it". My husband and I can't think of a logical reason to have children, especially when there are so many children in need of homes. Either way it's selfish,to have or not to have even to adopt(for the wrong reasons). I've heard people say, "so I can pass on MY belief and tradition" or the honest ones that state "I was just curious how they'd look" and even "Who will take care of you when you're old"(my personal fave). Then there are the mistakes, the pg's that just happen. In that case, it's an issue of irresponsibility and how they handle the moral principles of that situation within.

Answer 4

i completely share your opinion on this. the children that are being brought in to this world are paying the price. its every day we see more and more unhappy children that have nothing but anger in there lives.But on the other hand some find it challenging to juggle a spouse, work, home responsibilities, not to mention all things that go on in life unexpectedly + a baby!
Of course if one is found in the situation were a child is conceived. . . the right thing to do is to make the best of it. Having a child sometimes has its perks. As long as the parent is willing to show the child love and give him or her the parent/child time they need. I hope this was useful to you. It is a very tricky question to answer because children are a gift but if you know you wont be able to provide the life that gift deserves you should think about it twice.

Answer 5

Society has nothing to do with the love and care that a parent can give to a newly born child. I think the problem here is that you're under the assumption that bringing a child into this world would mean instantly exposing him/her to the negative influences of this world. Eventhough I do feel that such a concern is somewhat well warranted, I also feel that adults have the capacity to raise a child in a positive way--that is, if he/she really values his/her position as a parent and provider to the child. I am a 26-year-old, childless, educated, and unmarried woman who would love to have a child one day. Not because I feel that it is merely a part of my nature to reproduce, but because I have a rather natural desire to love and feel the love of an innocent, beautiful child. I've obviously never experienced this before--at least, never with a child of my own--but I'm more than sure that it is one of the most rewarding experiences known to man.

Answer 6

I am 39 years old, never been married and have no children. I do have a boyfriend. As I get older, I have decided that I don't want any children. I have neices and nephews. I just recently started dating my boyfreind. Before him, I haven't dated in a couple or so years. I decided that if I couldn't afford myself, why have children. I wasn't going to have any children on my own. I comend those who are single parents and who do single parenting, it isn't for me. By the time I ever get married, How old will I be? If I ever get a boyfriend, doesn't mean I will marry the guy, and then how long will it be before I ever get married? I do want to be married. I don't want to be in my 50's having children. I don't know if I have the patience. I have been told by a few that I am being selfish by not haveing children. I do not see how that is selfish at all. I am hurting no one by not having children. The children would not be hurt either. If I don't have a child and I won't be an adult who might royally mess up and be a bad mother, even though I have been told I would be a great mother some day. I see so many who shouldn't be parents. There are so many pressures out there that my nieces are being pressured into and having problems that I NEVER faced before. I know that as a parent, you can teach and preach and love them. There is so much more to it. It is scary.

I have a neice who's mother and father are not married. That child is so angry and mean and at the age of nine is already being suspended from school. She has some serious problems that Mom believes in her heart she is fine and obviously is not. It is hard for this sister being a single mom.

My other sister has 3 children and is married. It is hard for her too. It is stressful to call and listen on this end of the phone.....

I think that in this day and age, if you do not want to have children, it is your right and it is NOT a selfish decision. As to "who is going to take care of you when you are old" question,,,,,,,,,,There are many options out there. When the time comes, that will be dealt with. I have neices and a nephew, I have siblings.

If I get married, I will discuss the children issue with my spouse before we ever get married. If it is meant for me to have children, It would happen, and I would accept it. For now, I am 98% sure I do not want to have any children.

Answer 7

I am 23 and I dont plan on ever having children. Why? I dont think we need to bring anymore children into the world... there are enough without homes or families as it is, not to mention all the children starving to death, being bartered in human trafficking, child porn, molestation etc etc the list goes on. The way the world and society is today it isnt a good place to bring new life into. Now I am sure people will shoot me down for this but its just like the pet overpopulation, I dont breed my dogs/cats because there are already too many out there and not enough responsible people to care for them, the same can be said for children.... I love both children and animals, but I dont produce more because we already have enough. Therefore when I want a child or a pet I will go out and adopt one that was abandoned or abused or thrown away by somebody else. That way I am not contributing to the problem, I am part of the solution..

Answer 8

Well to answer your first question, I'm 30, and yes I plan to have children.

You said "I don't mean to sound selfish, but with our society being the way it is, what reason is there to have children? I understand that it's human nature to reproduce. But, the children are the ones often left to pay the price.
What do you think about this?"

Well if we didn't have children we wouldn't have the opportunity to fix our past problems but we would have not reason to fix them because we wouldn't have children because life would cease to exist. Yes, life is hard, anything worth having is. Hardships and mistakes is how we as humans learn. What child do you know or heard of that was born able to speak, walks, talk, stand, and was as knowledgeable as say the average 40 yr. old. None. Why? Because they like you and I have to learn and that (learning) is not easy, but it is possible.

If you are deciding not to have children I commend you on be responsible enough and woman enough to admit it, because there are a lot of women out there that don't want children, shouldn't be mothers and are giving birth to children and not raising them, neglecting them and mistreating them all because they never wanted them in the first place. So to you I say if don't want children don't have them.

About what I think about what you said, I think it's your sole opinion and I completely respect it.


Oh! and to smarty slack having your own children is not selfish. . .thinking your doing someone a favor by adopting them is arrogant.

Answer 9

YOU ARE ONLY 25 and you are already worrying about not having kids? You have at least 15 more years to have kids. Tons of people have kids when they are in their 30s. 25 is TOOOO young.

It is kind of funny because I am a mere 18 year old and I am telling a 25 year old that she's too young.
I am 18. I am undecided about children. The only turn off is getting ugly and fat. I hate fatness.
If I have kids I am going to be between 28 to 34. If I get married I will be between 26-30. Probably 29 or 30

It is okay to have kids late. A lot of people do that. It's the cool thing to do these days.

Answer 10

I'm 24 and live with my boyfriend of 2 years and all of my friends have kids too. I think I want to have kids eventually but not for a while because I'm young and want to have fun. I also want to be a good parent if I do have kids and I know I wouldn't be right now because I'm very selfish.