Was I wrong for telling my husband I need some affection?

Question

Last night I told my husband I wish he should me some more affection. He never hugs, kiss, say "I Love You," or speak to me when he leaving the house or come home from work. He told me if he did does things that would make soft and wimpy. He told me he not going to do those things because that's not him.

Answer 1

Of course you weren't wrong!! You have needs, too, you know. And where does he get off telling you that he will not even make an effort to try and show you some affection?

I'm getting a divorce right now because I, too, married someone who put his needs before mine every single time. And that, my friend, is a tough and cruel way to go through life.

Take care and, if need be, kick him to the curb and get someone who will love you and care for you the way YOU DESERVE!

Answer 2

No you are not wrong and your husband is being an a$$. Saying I love you and giving hugs and kisses is not wimpy. Either talk to him again and stress that you need these things in the relationship or leave him or deal with it. It is hard to give advice to people about their spouces.

A real man would tell and show his love daily.

Answer 3

Reading this was like having an instant replay of my former marriage.

Funny thing too - while dating and during our engagement he was amorous, romantic and attentive - otherwise I would have had misgivings.

Shortly after marrying he became more distant...we were GREAT friends and could talk hours on every subject except US.

I began to try to 'get it out in the open' but to no avail...long and short of it, he refused to change - and said it had nothing to do with loving me or not loving me.

Over time my self esteem plummeted to all time low..our sex life became less and less....during a trial separation we began to 'date' and once again he was all I had hoped for...BUT after we got back together, same 'ole' same 'ole'. After 7+ years of marriage I found I no longer wanted to be married to him as I had accepted and gone without affection so long, I then no longer loved him.

When I asked for a divorce it was only then he told me that he had grown up in a non demonstrative household and he didn't know [or really trust] affectionate ways or behavior. Although he recognized this, he refused to try to change...Because of his refusal to even try, we split.

NO you were not wrong....what you now have to do is to decide what you really want and can lovingly accept....and what you cannot....seek help...then later decide.

Answer 4

Was that the way he was in the beginning when you two were dating? If he was affectionate then he should be affectionate now. I was in the same boat as you a couple of weeks ago. I told my husband (been married for six months now) that marriage shouldn't change his affection. We had a long talk and I told him that he wouldn't like it if someone else was giving that affection. He has straighten out. It's love all over again.

Answer 5

Is there a reason that you are initiating the affection? My sister in law used to complain about the same thing. I told her to be the one to initiative the hugs/kisses when he leaves and returns home. She started doing it and her husband thought she was crazy. He did reciprocate and now he at tries to remember to kiss her when he leaves home. In the bedroom, i say take the lead all the time. if you want it go after it.

Answer 6

Did he do these things before you got married and then stopped? If so, you DEFIANTLY had the right to ask. If not, you knew that going in....that being said, the two of you need to find a happy middle ground that works for both of you. Does he show is affection in other ways? Does he bring gifts or go out of his way to do things for your? Try to focus on the things he does instead of the things he doesn't do.

Answer 7

What an idiot. You tell him that real men do show affection. Mine does and there is not a more manly man out there he is 6'3" and over 200lbs and looks like a damn Viking so tell your idiot man that you want it and you will get it from him or somewhere else.
ask him does he think of you when he is gone at all,? He is rude to not at least say bye when he leaves or hello i am home and normal stuff like that. it is time for him to get a lesson in manners and what it means to be a real man. Go get him honey and do not let the jerk get away with it anymore.

Answer 8

Shame on him. There's nothing like intimacy and some romance in a marriage. Just being playful, being expressive, having a nice conversation, constantly teasing and even being naughty.

To be able to prolong and keep the fire going. To work on building a good tempo. Doing all the little things ~ kissing, touching, teasing licks, a lot foreplay ~ that makes it incredible and interesting.

Mixing in a variety and being spontaneous. Trying to pleasant surprise you. And taking the time to make love, to kiss and be playful, or even just to cuddle-up and have a good conversation is a must in a relationship.

Hope he understands that. Good luck.

Answer 9

You were very right in speaking to him about it! My girlfriend's ex-husband was like that and it put a great strain on their marriage. Try talking to him again and suggest marriage counseling. Now that the issue is out there, it needs to be resolved to some degree or it will fester and cause tension at home. You're not asking for alot and it wouldn't take alot on his part to show an effort...!

Answer 10

Hell no you were not wrong! You communicated a need. Affection and being wanted by your spouse is one of the most basic needs a human has. If ignored it will leave an void that you will battle. Best case is that you will be resentful and feel emotionally unfulfilled, worst case is you reach out to another man to fill the need.

Tell hubby to wise up. He's playing with fire by not paying attention to basic relationship needs. If he doesn't wise up, you can seek the help of a counselor to help with your needs and how to handle hubby.