What if I were to say that men & women don't just communicate differently,...?

Question

.....that overall, women are at least somewhat worse at communication (within romantic relationships) than men. I can see the eyes bugging out and the shoulders tensing up as you ladies type your responses, but hear me out. Of course, there are exceptions to this generality I've put forth, but too often, women do the equivalent of asking their man to bring a knife to a gunfight, when they are discussing the relationship/duties/money. Usually, the guy will be trying to be logical, and see where the reasonable responsibility lies. Whereas the woman, she's operating on a different set of values and, more importantly, standards. She's keeping score, but is less likely to factor in facts that the man brings up that might change that score. She wants the guy to read her mind. Bottom line, she expects her man to see things the way she does, when she knows he can't; whereas the man expects the woman to see things the way he does, because he knows she can, but won't at that time.

What do the first 2 responses indicte?

Single, yes. Desperate, thank goodness, no. There's only one answer so far that states the truth...that this tendency exists. Can you guess which one?

Answer 1

Single...aren't you?

Answer 2

Men and women communicate DIFFERENTLY and therefore there is confusion at both ends.

When a man says something, he means for it to stand until it's explicitly changed. Example: When a man says "I love you" he doesn't think he ever needs to say it again. It's been said, if I stop loving you I'll let you know. This is not how women communicate. The woman needs a refresher now and then or she thinks things have changed.

When a woman says something, she will periodically refresh it to reaffirm it's true. So, if a woman says she loves you, then the next day says it again, and the next again etc - she expects you to notice she DIDN'T say it today. That's her way of telling you something is wrong. She's assuming you've noticed and expecting you to ask what's wrong because of it.

From her point of view she IS communicating - but this is not how men communicate. The only way to let a man know there is a problem is to look him right in the eye and say "We have a problem" and then explicitly state the problem. Even then it's good to ask for confirmation because frequently men are "uh huhing" without actually listening.

And now that the secret's out - let's all try to keep the differences in communication style in mind when communicating with the opposite sex - OK?

Answer 3

I agree with most of what you said. Men and women are polar opposites. The things that pull them together are also the things that pull them apart. Women are usually very intuitive and we expect men to be the same way. So when we send men certain signal, that we know we would pick up on, and then the men don't, we get upset. When it comes to actual talking, though, I think that most men have selective hearing, if you know what I mean.

The perfect man or woman doesn't exist, so we should be more accepting and appreciate our differences. Women want a man who is sensative, a good listener and conversationalist, yet we want him to be strong, a man's man, macho. Those qualities rarely come in the same package....so in all honesty, given the choice, I prefer the macho man over the sensative man.

Answer 4

Women aren't all making their decisions on the basis of how people feel rather than looking at the problem "logically," but feelings are a vital part of the interpersonal equation that you may be neglecting. If you want to get along better with a particular woman, you might try listening to her more and trying to understand her. If she's not good at expressing what she thinks and feels, maybe you're intimidating her. You can be "right," but that's not going to make a relationship work.

Anyway, logic is often overrated because it can be very subjective. Everybody has a point of view, and dare I say in a relationship, both individuals' needs and interpretation of events are of equal value. You can't win in the relationship by winning arguments.

Answer 5

While you do have some points...you're not all together there.
It is true that men tend to think more logically and women more emotionally. That's due partially to the fact that women have double and triple the amount of hormones raging through our systems on any given day.
What is wrong with this is that men tend to ignore things that they should pick up on. Perhaps ignore is the wrong word....maybe it's just that is is harder for you to see the signals we send out. For we are always trying to send signals when things aren't right.
Agreed it's not easy to pick up on at first...but you guys do this too, so you're not the only one's having a hard time "reading our minds" as you so quaintly put it. It's just easier for us to see :)
Try to understand that most women try to change when in a relationship, we go from being very independent minded-to thinking as a duo, so that's why we get more in tune with decifering your signals. Men have a harder time thinking of the other person and that's why they get themselves into trouble with us alot. :) Think of our differences as a means to balance an invisible scale. Sort-of a right and left brain working together. On one hand you are the experts at reasoning through situations...on the other we are experts at humanitarian thoughts and emotions. Neither is bad, a good couple needs both to work.
I suggest you remember that neither gender is worse at anything, we just both have our strong points and weak points. Hand in hand.

Answer 6

The first two responses indicate disagreement with your premise, nothing more. I don't know if this is your intention, but you are coming across as bitter, damaged, obtuse, self-involved and oblivious. Your viewpoint is sadly one-sided, and your tone is condescending. Keep it up, and I can promise you that as far as YOUR relationships go, there will be little or no improvement in the forseeable future. If you like being alone, that's fine. If not, you might want to consider expanding your viewpoint.

Answer 7

Most women, if you can get an honest answer out of them, acknowledge this to be true. Women in general (not always, but especially when dealing with emotional issues) are not as straight-forward in their expectations or in voicing their opinions or concerns. Why? Who knows. Men typically can be taken at face value (unless they are lying or being difficult) whereas you normally have to dig under the veneer of what women are saying.

As you get older, you become more able to translate women-speak. Also women tend to learn to be more clear in what they want/need as they get older.

By the way - as a professional, and in the education/information/academic realm, this isn't really the case. I am referring to PERSONAL relationships. I am a chemist and believe me, women can communicate in the professional realm in human-speak.

Answer 8

Why the same silly arguments where men and women are concerned?.I mean lets face it, men and women are natural enemies drawn together by a biological drive.Very few of these relationships ever last for long,and when they do last its not that the relationship is really working,its for other practical reasons like:i can't leave him because i have no career skills,or i can't leave her because i can't afford a divorce or whatever.

Answer 9

there is no better or worse when it comes to communication (generally of course). its just that we DO communicate differently, and the other sex cannot follow the logic the other uses. you said that men are more logical, so its hard for them to follow the emotional.

you say that we WONT see things the way men want us to because we just wont, but thats not true, its that we're not putting importance on those things, and if he wont see what we think is important, than why should we see what he THINKS we think is important?

Answer 10

without making anyone mad, portwine, you are correct that the sexes communicate differently. Yes, women expect their minds to be read by their partners (me included) . . .why??? because we can [read minds] quite well. Call it women's intuition but we are damn good at it. It is frustrating that we have to spell out the simplest things for our men. I'm sure it's quite frustrating for men too. We are expecting something they haven't the slightest idea we expect. I think God has played a joke on all of us! Good point . . .

Answer 11

Well, men and women are different in many aspects. The specific issue you mention is men are unprepared to deal wtih women on their level.