My sister-law/ Bestfriend and I got pregnant around the same time she was 2 weeks ahead of me. She deliver premature on Dec 16,and I am still pregnant and not due till April the First time I saw the baby and how delicate he was i came out crying from the NICU it broke my heart and I thought the baby inside of me is about that size. I went to see him a week later he was doing so well and look so good and I have a beautiful image of him,due to complications he passed away yesterday Jan 10,2007. Now I don't feel emotionally ready to attend the funeral services I try not to get depress because of my pregnancy but I don't want my sister-law to think I don't care because I do and it hurts me so much that it happend to her. What can I do should I go? We just had so many plans for our kids that were due 2 weeks apart and now I feel guilty tha I am pregnant and she lost her baby? I am conufuse please help! I just want to remember tha baby like the last time I saw him !
2007-01-11 04:16:38 · 16 answers · asked by adri012980 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
I am really sorry to hear of this loss. I think you should attend the funeral to show your support, and comfort your sister-in-law. When pregnant, you are very emotional because of hormones, it is natural to feel so depressed, and because you both were pregnant at the same time will make this even more difficult. Your sister in law may have some jealous feelings toward you now, because you are still with child, and she lost hers, but just be patient with her, and give her time to grieve her loss. You should not feel any guilt feelings. I will tell you something......Me, my sister-in-law, and my BEST friend were pregnant all at the same time. We were all due just days apart. I had a miscarrage, and my sister-in-law, and my best friend had healthy pregnancies. I was broken hearted, just as your sister in law will be. I was jealous, just as your sister in law may feel. But these feelings subsided with time. Now when I see these 2 children, I think...wow, my child would have been this old, and my child would have been playing together, and going to school etc. with theirs. It does hurt, but we have to come to accept these things. It is God's will, and he knows what is best. God needed these children more than we needed them at the time. So we have to let go and remember that they are in a better place now. I think you need to support your sister in law, and talk to her about how you are feeling, you should not avoid her just because you are going to have a baby. She will hurt, but maybe when your baby comes into the world, you could choose her to be your babies God mother. I am sure she would be very happy about this. Good luck.
2007-01-11 04:34:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
First I would like to say that I'm sorry.
I had a similar situation that happened to my good friend and her sister in-law. My friend had a misscarriage and her sister in-law delivered. It's a tricky situation. If you do or don't go to the services that's something for you to decided. You know yourself best in what you can handle and what you can't. But please explain your feelings to your sister in-law before hand or maybe even your brother if you don't feel comfortable talking to her. I'm sure he/she would understand. Also try hard not to feel so guilty. What do you have to be guiltly about? You didn't make the baby come early right? So it's not your fault. I know easier said than done. And the plans you have for your children can still be. She will get pregnant again when the time is right. Try hard to be positive in this tough situation. It will work out. Time is healing tell your sister in-law. Good luck with the new baby, and congrats!
2007-01-11 04:37:06 · answer #2 · answered by wowangie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know all this is difficult for you because you are pregnant and right now on an emotional roller coaster. Talk to your sister-in-law and tell her your feelings as you have expressed them here. Let her pour out her emotions to you and you can get a better idea how she would feel if you didn't go to her baby's funeral, she may be very understanding.
Even though you want to remember her baby as you saw him you need to focus on her and her feelings. After talking to her I would take if from there...
Your question reminded me of my sister and I. We were two weeks apart in our pregnancy too. She had a daughter and I had a son and they were inseparable. They shared the same crib, playpen and had their own language, like twins and even when they got into their teens they were inseparable.
One day they were riding in a car with three other kids going to a basketball game, they were just 15 and good kids. My niece and son were in the car only about 10 mins at the most. The driver (a girl) wanted to show off the "souped up" Camero her dad got for her and started speeding on a dark country road. She missed a curve, the car rolled several times and threw all 5 of them out. Three were killed, including my niece, and two survived, my son and another girl.
2007-01-11 04:27:14 · answer #3 · answered by Incognito 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry for the loss your family just faced. It is very hard to deal with a loss like that. I would remember the baby just like you want to. Something similar happened to me and a good friend. We both share first names and she was due Dec. 15 and I was due Dec. 18. She was carrying a boy and I was carrying a girl. She lost her baby on Oct. 31 and my baby was born on Dec. 2. I went to the funeral, but stayed to the back so I wouldn't upset her to much. She didn't come to the hospital when my baby was born because it was hard. She finally came to see me when the baby was three weeks old. It was hard for her to deal with the loss. But she told me and my little girl that her little boy was in heaven and that he was her guardian angel now. I keep a photo memorial of him in my book and a small picture of him and her in a two sided frame. (The hospital let the mom take pics of baby because even though he was stillborn he was so beautiful and he still had some color to him) I would say give sis in law some space and when the baby is born don't push it on her. In time she will come around. Go to the funeral but attempt to stay to the side unless she asks you to be closer. I will pray for you to have a safe pregnancy and for the loss your family has endured.
2007-01-11 04:37:30 · answer #4 · answered by samantha s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should go to the funeral so your sister in law doesnt' feel abandoned in all this.
My sister in law found out she was pregnant in late September, she was due in June. I was 5 months pregnant at the time and was SOOO happy she and I were going to have babies together! She unfortunately miscarried on Oct 31st. It was so sad. I didn't want her to see me at first because I didn't want her to feel upset that I was still pregnant. I felt the same guilty feelings that you did. I learned very quickly though that my support meant more to her then the guilt I was feeling. She's now pregnant again and will be due in August. We wont forget the little one she might have had, but we're happy for this new addition. Imagine if I had of not been there for her before? She'd no way forgive me now.
2007-01-11 04:31:18 · answer #5 · answered by Gig 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be in your (and your baby's) best interest that you do not go to the funeral. If you and your SIL care enough about each other she will understand - if not at first, she will. She may not even want you there because your pregnant belly will be painful for her to see. Talk to her and let her know how you feel. Tell her that you will be there for her in other ways- help her with meals, straighten up her house, give her your shoulder to collect some tears. Don't feel guilty for something that neither of you caused nor could prevent.
2007-01-11 04:28:43 · answer #6 · answered by AlongthePemi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should NOT go to the funeral, You do not know how the impact of the service will affect you and your baby. What you should do is send your sister-in-law a sympathy card and express your feelings there and you should call her to excuse yourself from the funeral services.
May God give you and your family strength to deal with the unfortunate passing of the baby.
2007-01-11 04:22:40 · answer #7 · answered by Angie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Omg you have me in tears that just breaks my heart that poor lil guy didn't even get a chance at life but god has plans for all of us. I wouldn't be able to go and I would tell my sister in law up front about the situation how you feel she should understand. Or you still could go to give her support . I wish you luck sweetie and congrats on your pregnancy.
2007-01-11 04:24:25 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you spoken to her about it? If not then I think that you should. Let her know that you are terribly sorry about her loss but that you don't think that you can handle going to the furneral. You also want to keep your babies health in mind and the more depressed or stressed out that you get then the worse it is for your baby. Take it easy and I wish you and your family the best of luck!
2007-01-11 04:26:26 · answer #9 · answered by J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would have your husband go represent your family and for support. You should not go. She may not understand right now but as time goes on she will. You shouldnt be putting any stress on you or the baby. Sorry about your best friends baby. Her baby is in heaven being taken care of by the best.
2007-01-11 04:27:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋