How come I can not make her happy?

Question

I know this has to be one of the most asked ?'s on here, but I have to ask. I am married to a woman that was in some very crappy relationships before me. Everything was fine at first. Now it seems I can do nothing to make her happy. Like she always looks for a wrong in me. Our something to hang over my head. Will she ever stop doing this?

Answer 1

Lots of people just aren't happy, no matter what, and it could be anything from bad up-bringing, bad experiences she doesn't really know how to rid herself of, depression, or lack of self esteem. Happiness comes from within, and learning to be happy, is indeed a learned skill....It is planned, by many....by Eliminating the things out of your life that cause you grief, by looking ahead and not getting yourself into situations that look never ending (raising children you never wanted, staying is a rotten marriage, remaining in a job you absolutely and positively hate...etc.). A recent study can out as to what makes a happy marriage.... 30 years long, and 30,000 couples.... It concluded that for every negative comment one makes, 6 positive one had to be there.... the closer these number came to each other, the less successful and happy the marriage was.... If she is a nit picker, she might wish to find out why she is always looking on the dark side... So, I guess I am saying you, yourself cannot make her happy, you can only share that..... if she has nothing to share, then you have a decision as to if you wish to continue....Resentment tends to build if one is always criticized. Relationships should be fun, and sharing, and have admiration, respect, passion and trust each for the other.... and hon, life is just tooooo goddamn short to get shortchanged in those four departments.

Answer 2

The problem is with her. She dogs you because it makes her feel better about herself. She has issues going on probably long before you were in the picture. You and her relationship now, is probably a reflection from her previous ones. There is nothing you can do but be patient and encourage her to seek therapy. She will probably say it's you, not her because she will be in denial. Just like she was before you. The only thing you can do is go to couseling and hope she will join you. Your objective is for her to seek help. I'm am very sure you are being abused even when you go way over your resposibilities to make her happy. Just try not to build resentment and be patient. Couseling is your only hope. She won't change until she admits it, and makes steps toward making changes to herself.

Answer 3

This is the exact reason I have just moved out from my wife. No matter what I did for her, from helping around the house to buying her nice things, going on vacations, it was never enough. I always feel like I'm not good enough, yet I know that there are women out there that would love to be treated the way I treat her!

Now that I have left, she has realized that the change has to begin with her. She has major self-esteem issues and takes everything out on me just because I'm there. As of now, i do not think I'm going to give her another chance, though. It will really take years of therapy to get over self-esteem problems like these. I now realize I should have seen the warning signs before we walked down the aisle.

Answer 4

STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING!!!

No one or thing can MAKE someone happy.
This goes for you and your spouse.

Its up to each person to stop looking for the bad in everything.

The only thing you are doing is setting your spouse's expectations higher.

If you want to influence her mood then all you can do is be happy yourself. When she picks on you laugh it off in a way that lets her know she's nit picking. My wife used to complain on how I loaded the dish washer so I said when you get the Surgeon General to mark every dish washer with a warning label that says badly loaded dish washers can kill I will listen. Now when ever she tries to pick on something I've done and just say, "Sorry I didn't get that memo from the Surgeon General". I smile and walk away.

Answer 5

In my opinion, she is doing this, unknowingly, to push you away. She feels she is unworthy of you and feels like the relationship is going to end eventually (like all of the others) - so she's just getting it over with now. I don't mean to say that she is aware that she is doing this - it's an unconscious thing. I didn't major in psychology - but I took many courses in it.
As for helping things - the only thing that can be done is to convince her to go talk with a counselor - someone that can help her work through her issues and realize that things are okay, that she is a good person and that the relationship does not need to end.
I speak from experience as well.......
Good Luck.

Answer 6

If she hasn't dealt with her feelings from the past relationships, issues will arise. Could be that she has commitment issues. Everything is good at first because you seem different than everyone before (and probably are...seeing as how she married you),but when we have commitment issues we look for things, things to support the notion that you're no different , there must be something wrong with you! It's insecurity and usually nothing else...really. Don't try to fix it....why do men try to "fix" everything, give her a safe place to deal with her feelings with no reprocussions. Women need to deal by talking it out with someone....it doesn't mean she wants you to leave....we are vocal and to talk stuff out until it has been completly exhausted. It works and drives my husband crazy....but he deals with it and i love him more than ever.

Answer 7

This is what I know, from the start she has been trying to erase her past wanting to make a new future with you, But she really can't hang on hiding her past that's when you notice the changes in her acting weired, been sad, looking at every move you do to compare you to the EX no she is not cheating on you she just in fear that you might change and turn out to be like her ex that's it ..... and what might help is talking to your wife and been there for her since you already know what she has been trough..... i wish you the best

Answer 8

Well, the one constant in those other crappy relationships before you was HER. You can't make her happy any more than those other guys could make her happy because she isn't a happy person. Therapy would help her see that, but she'd probably find fault with the therapist.
I can't repeat this often enough, you cannot MAKE someone happy.

Answer 9

she is a very negative girl, who sees the glass half empty instead of half full. confront her, make her get some counseling, she has some unresolved issues in her life, she needs to get over. her past relationships have hurt her, and basically she is unhappy with herself, not so much with u. therapy would really hep her, and make her see differently. she could also be depressed, as we all have things in our past that have hurt us deeply, but those are just the things we may need to bring out in the open and talk about, as the more we talk about it the smaller and more insignificant they become. just tell her how dump ted on u feel, and ask her just what is bothering her about u. good luck

Answer 10

well first off you NEEED to understand it isn't your job to make her happy ! she needs to do that for her self first! as a partner you need to support her every time she is bringing out the negitive! eaither over stress that negitive so it looks rediculous.. none of us are perfect we all do wrong but that don't make us bad people!

if she said soemthing along the lines wow look at that fat chick!?? can't think of anything sorry! but if she said that then you say ! Yeah she is soo fat i 'm not sure if i can driver around her do you see the sun! and keep it going make her laugh it off! it's a nice way to not but do point out the bad!

or just ignore it and come up with something postive let say she says you don't fold the laundry correctly! then you could do 1. make her feel good! and be nice say this... Oh i'm not.. will come here and show me how to do this and i will refold them... 2.. will you tell me how to refold them...
or just change the subject by saying oh i'm sorry next time i will ask you for your help... So when are we going to go on that backpacking trip! or what is your favorite flower i'll make it up to you! :) wink at her!
try to be more romantic she may like that
if all else fails go with her to group counsalling!