My mom told me that I was good for nothing and that I was dumb. At one point I thought it was a sin go out on a date or be attracked to men because she made everything look like a sin. Am an adult & live with my mom not by choice. I lived on my own for 10 years & had to move back to help her fiancially. She doesn't say I am dumb anymore. Now she says I am smart & beautiful. But she still controls my life. I have to tell her everything I am doing. When I am on the phone, when I am watching a T.V. show. Even when I want to be alone in the room she would ask me "what are you doing"? She would barg into the room without knocking. I don't have my own room again not by choice. Because she's a pack rat & her rooms unusable. So I share a room with her I & don't have a room to call my own or keep my things in. I though this will be over soon since I am getting married. She said she wants to live with me after I am married. I love her but I am hurt of all the mental abuse.
2007-01-11 03:21:15 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
She has a job. But she says with the money she's making she cannot survive on her own. She makes more money than I do but I help her with her mortgage.
2007-01-11 03:31:09 · update #1
She probably feels guilty about being a bad mom, and now wants your friendship, sensing her fate of getting old and lonely. Decide whether you forgive her or not, talk to her and possibly go to therapy together.
2007-01-11 03:25:26 · answer #1 · answered by Jessy 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well I think you need to have a little talk with good ole mommy. She needs to understand that you are a grown *** women and you can and need to move out and take care of yourself. You also need to address the fact within yourself that you are not good for nothing or dumb. I see how that would effect you into adulthood but you need to either talk to your Mom about it and see what she has to say about all the nasty things she said, or you need to let it go. Either way you can't let that effect your life anymore, its not going to help in any way with your future.
Parents can be controlling, but they can only control what you let them. Stand up for yourself, clean out a room and make your own room, there is no reason why you need to be sleeping in the same room as your mother.
It seems all your problems stem from not wanting to deal with the confrontation with your mother, and that you need to get over because if you don't you might as well say "hello future" while looking at your current situation, because it won't change if you don't.
2007-01-11 03:32:30 · answer #2 · answered by TOO MUCH TO THINK ABOUT 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Trust me, I know exactly where you are coming from. It's hard to break ties with someone no matter how much they have hurt you. I just took in my brother and his 3 kids after his wife left knowing he had a problem and I have ties everyday with my dad that mentally and physically abused us everyday of our life. I'm still scared of him and I'm 33. Reading some of these comments have given me alot to think about, but I do believe if you stay where you are, it will not only affect you mentally but your marriage also. If she is any kind of mother at all she would look at what she has done. If not, unfortunately since we can't pick our parents she may be using the sympathy card because she knows the damage she has caused and but is taking her feelings over yours. Sit and talk with her and tell her how much she has hurt you and tell her that you have never got over that. See how she reacts to you. Maybe you'll be surprised.
2007-01-11 03:58:43 · answer #3 · answered by TJ 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If she needs financial help and is older, can she get a reverse mortgage?... if she is old enough for one and has a house. Then you could move out and she could have income to live off of and still live there.If she lives in an apartment, maybe you could find her a cheaper one (with govt. assistance?).
I don't think your marriage will last long if she moves in with you and your husband unless you buy a half double and she lives in the other half, but still that is a little too close.
2007-01-11 03:30:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It took me 3 years of counseling to undo what my parents did. Now we have a wonderful relationship because I DO NOT let them get to me. If my mother insults me, I tell her that it is hurtful. As for your situation I would advise not to let her live with you. You need to be your own person.
She seems very controlling and that alone would interfere with your marriage. Is that what you want? You have to stand up to her. You have to tell her how you feel about what was said to you when you were younger. Please do not give in. If she is having financial problems then she needs to move to a smaller place. You can help her but don't let her move in with you. That would be terrible-guaranteed. Good luck and be strong.
2007-01-11 03:35:53 · answer #5 · answered by looloo1122 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to get on with your own life and worry about making yours right or you could end up doing what she is. She made choices in her life that has her where she is today and I wouldn't let her screw yours up. You say you are helping her financially? I would move out then. She's an adult and can make it just fine. Sounds like she needs to get a job with all of that spare time she has to bother you and worry about what your doing.
2007-01-11 03:27:53 · answer #6 · answered by pro2call10 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It may seem like a simple thing but dealing with an abused childhood is extremely difficult. It cannot be undone without the help of a professional (shrink).
2007-01-11 03:26:10 · answer #7 · answered by a1tommyL 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have the same type of mother, but I'm fortunate that I don't have to live with her (but my sister does and gets put down constantly--it breaks my heart).
Your mom's got control and self esteem issues. If you can't afford to go to a professional for help with dealing with her, try this site for advice and support: http://www.bpdcentral.com/.
Good luck!
2007-01-11 03:31:47 · answer #8 · answered by Ruth E 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
thats your mother I understand how she has treated you your hole life but that hurt will always be there with you. You still need to respect her up to a point. You should have a talk with her now that all these years have passed and shair some of your feelings. It might help. good luck.
2007-01-11 03:29:35 · answer #9 · answered by ladyjamie 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
MOVE OUT!!! She doesnt need you she just wants you there to make her feel better.
2007-01-11 03:52:27 · answer #10 · answered by elaeblue 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋