I live with a guy. We have talked about marriage in the future. He wants us to be married later. Right now we are both earning our masters degrees, so between tuition and bills, I understand why he wants to wait. It is for the best, but I would still like to be validated as more than a girldfriend anyway, maybe like a long engagement. Am I being unreasonable? I am traditional, and I want him to propose on his own time, but silly as it sounds a ring would make me feel better.
2007-01-11 03:14:30 · 24 answers · asked by jrhod263 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
maybe you should talk to him about something like a promise ring, that way he can still propose in his own time but you will feel like you are both more committed
2007-01-11 03:18:56 · answer #1 · answered by Jess B 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't feel bad about the way you're feeling. My wife (we've been married for 3 months now) had the same thoughts as you when we first met. She let me know that she believed strongly in a relationship with a strong commitment. She was willing to wait a while for us to get married, but she let me know that to her it was more meaningful, and validating to at least consider an engagement........and it had nothing to do with getting an expensive diamond ring or anything like that. It was more of an emotional confirmation that she was in a loving, and committed relationship. If you want and need this particular validation, you should approach it in a manner that does not make your boyfriend feel pressured. Let him know that it's not about the ring.....that it's about the feeling of being spoken for; that it's about the feeling of knowing you are truly the light of his life and that he wants to let the world know you are his future wife.
I don't think there is anything wrong with that at all. Now....on the other hand, you have to see how he is thinking, and what his personal plans are. In general, we men don't always communicate all of our plans and thoughts about the future.....we just sort of work on them, and then when the moment is right for us......we make our move. You might find yourself in a situation in which you might have to wait longer without the engagement......the question is, are you willing to wait even if you're not validated by a long engagement? Or is your need to feel validated too strong? Or is it all about the RING? Please keep in mind.....he might not be able to buy a BIG, expensive ring at this moment, and that might also be a factor. Perhaps he would rather wait until he can give you something incredible. My advice is for you to first do an intropsective search of your heart and soul to find out what it is you really want. Then approach your boyfriend with the subject.....just don't talk about how long you've been waiting or ask him how much more you'll have to wait. Consider his side of the story too.....because he has his ideas too.
I truly hope it works out for you and your boyfriend!
Best of Luck!
2007-01-11 03:32:38 · answer #2 · answered by Ralph 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No I don't think your being unreasonable at all. I don't think there is anything wrong with long engagements. Even though you want him to propose on his own maybe you should give him a hint then he'll know what you want. Like if marriage comes up in a conversation you could say something about it would be nice if we were engaged then we could have a long engagement. Just kind of put the thought in his head.
2007-01-11 03:20:11 · answer #3 · answered by valerie_lynn82 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You understand why now is not a good time = MONEY for tuition &MONEY for bills makes things tight.
HOWEVER, you WANT him to also have MONEY for a ring.
Getting everything you want will most likely make you spoiled and value him less, because his actions will no longer be an expression of what he feel, but rather something that is expected.
Love is caring about what the other person wants NOT TWISTING IT AROUND TO SAY IF HE LOVES ME THEN HE SHOULD DO WHAT I WANT.
You need to re-focus on your relationship, because your relationship is there BEFORE and AFTER you get married.
2007-01-11 03:27:29 · answer #4 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are somewhat doubting the direction or level of commitment of your relationship if you are needing to push for a new level of validation. Trust me, that is not going to improve your "feelings" about living together or just being a "girlfriend". You should talk to your guy and reconfirm your level of commitment and future together. If he is not 100 percent sure you are the one, then you have to determine how long you will give the relationship or if you should move on so that you will be available for someone who is looking for the same things you are, in this case commitment that is moving toward marriage.
2007-01-11 03:20:34 · answer #5 · answered by Nutzzzzz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long have you been together? If under two years your expectation of a ring is a bit overblown. If more than two years it is not unreasonable for him to make a commitment. After all, there are two people in the relationship and you have responsibilities toward one another. If he is just in it for companionship and sex better to know now than invest more time.
2007-01-11 03:39:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in almost the same situation, and when I get tired of waiting, this is what I consider: If you've talked about marriage, then you're not just his girlfriend, you're his future wife. Do you really need a ring (a piece of rock and metal) to validate how you feel about each other?
2007-01-11 03:20:01 · answer #7 · answered by chzcakebaby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly what you mean about wanting to be more than "just a girlfriend". Ask him if you can get engaged. If you don't want to propose, then skip the proposal and just agree to get engaged, then you'll have an excuse to get a ring, if that's what you want!
In any case, you gotta talk to him about it some more, to see if you are on the same page about your relationship and where it is going.
2007-01-11 03:27:15 · answer #8 · answered by 12879 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no your are not being unreasonable... I am traditional as well.. Have you told him what you have said above? It doesn't sound silly to want to be married.. it seems that you already are just not on paper.. See if maybe there is more to it than finances, maybe he has cold feet.. Good luck to you.. To me bills will always be in the way..
2007-01-11 03:25:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont pressure him into it, but definetly clearly express how you feel. Tell him you dont expect an extravagent engagement ring ( save that for the wedding ring :) ) On the other hand, if you both love each other, what is a peice of paper or a title, your love wont change with either
2007-01-11 03:23:24 · answer #10 · answered by Charles S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why buy the cow when he's getting the milk for free? How lucky for him...free milk. And he doesn't have to clean house I bet or cook. So he gets the maid along with the cow. Not a good situation here. If he really loved you he would marry you in court..today!...and party after you two get your masters.
2007-01-11 03:35:03 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋