I recently divorced from my husband who i've been with for almost 8 years and got serious with someone right away. It was my decision to divorce, he didn't want it, but at the time, i wasn't willing to work anything out. I didn't think he would ever find anyone and now he has a serious girlfriend and i'm not handling it well. I find myself wondering how they are together and what they're doing and how they're sex life is. we share custody of my daughter and i don't want his girlfriend anywhere near my daughter, it is freaking me out. If i was so eager to divorce then why the hell can't i get them out of my mind? This just doesn't seem normal......... Please don't bother with rude answers.......
2007-01-11 02:33:44 · 19 answers · asked by just me 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds to me like you divorced out of boredom or a lack of taking the bad times with the good. Now you regret your decision.
What's done is done. Hope for the best for him. Being nasty to him will only hurt his relationship with your daughter. You might want that, but it's not good for her.
Leave them alone.
2007-01-11 02:38:52 · answer #1 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I went through the same feelings when I divorced my ex husband several years ago. I guess in a way I felt like I wanted to be the ONE and ONLY love of his life and although I didn't want to be with him anymore, I didn't want to see him with anyone else either.
Although it's understandable because you were with him for 8 years and share a child together, at the same time, you need to let it go. This new woman in his life should not pay for something she hasn't' done. Unless your daughter is in danger when around your ex's new girl, I would leave it alone. If she was never in the picture when you guys were still together and she's not "the other woman", then let her be. She might be a good person with good intentions and you freaking out might complicate things between you and your ex. For your child's sake, let it go and move on. You said yourself that you got into another relationship quickly. Well your ex has the same rights to get into another relationship.
I suggest maybe going to counseling to help you deal with the divorce and moving on with your life. Also surround yourself with positive people who are going to encourage you and give you that extra push when you don't feel like moving on. The longer you stay in this place, the higher the chances you can become obsessed with this. It's not worth it. Move on and get along for your child's sake.
2007-01-11 02:51:52 · answer #2 · answered by jazz_lover_25 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's an interesting reaction. I see it a lot in guys. They break with someone but aren't happy when that other person moves on. It's like they don't want them but don't want anyone else to want them either. It's a but of a pride issue. "How dare they be happy without me." Why? Because it causes a certain amount of self doubt. It shouldn't, but it does. If the other person is happy then it causes the person to wonder what is wrong with them. It also changes the relationship. It one thing to be in a relationship when the other person isn't. It's quite another when they are too. There is now a permanance to the divorce that wasn't there before. You had an option for a redo should you ever decide. Now you don't.
He's living the life you are. You moved on quickly to another relationship. Now he has too. Beyond your daughter, what he does really isn't any of your business. You got want you wanted. Now he has too. Be happy.
2007-01-11 02:44:27 · answer #3 · answered by JB 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It was ego-gratifying to you to assume that you could seek fulfillment and happiness and that your ex would somehow just pine away. His ability to find happiness is offending your selfish nature. How do we know that you have a selfish nature? You wanted the divorce, didn't want to work it out, and apparently gave little thought to the happiness of your (at the time) husband and daughter. You've made your bed (so to speak) and now need to learn to lie in it. You may well have made a life altering mistake that can not be undone and must now deal with it. If you can't learn to let this go, you are going to need to get some professional counseling if you want to have a hope of a happy life. While this mistake has been made, you still have the rest of your life ahead of you, and need to find peace and happiness. Good Luck.
2007-01-11 02:54:20 · answer #4 · answered by Jim N 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm am not trying to sound rude, but if I do sorry -
It's a simple answer, you don't know what you got til it's gone and you'll always want what you can't have.
Maybe you're seeing all the good things now that he's with someone else, and you are jealous that she gets these things now and not you. I know what it's like to be with someone and only see the bad, until they are gone.
I will say this: you made a mistake not working on your marriage. Can you change that? I don't know, depends on how he feels.
It may be too, that you are just a jealous person, much like myself ;-), and can't stand the thought of him being happy with someone else instead of you.
2007-01-11 03:05:30 · answer #5 · answered by lookinforanswers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh it won't be rude...like most everything else I have to say it'll be blunt and to the point. You madam, are selfish and self serving. You took up with someone else, said screw his feelings (your husbands) and even were smug and self centered enough to believe that you were the only one for him and no one else would want him. Well...what a surprise for you huh? Now because you're self serving ways have been dashed to the ground, you can't stand to see him happy. But most people who are miserable to begin with feel this way anyway. Blame it on poor upbringing, sexual inadequacy, ignorance...I don't know....could be one with you but sounds like them all in my opinion. Plus this thing with your daughter. I can understand you not wanting the new girlfriend near her. I would too knowing full well that she probably has considerably better qualities than her mother possesses.
Get real....get a life. You portray yourself as a loser and a nut case. Your remarks reflect this and no other conclusion can be draw from your statement. You are correct on one point. It is NOT normal. I suggest you seek some professional help. You sorely need it. In the meantime I'm sure he and the new girlfriend are enjoying a happy, sexually charged and loving relationship. Which is good because he's finally experiencing what you appear to have failed to provide him.
The fault here is yours and yours alone. In fact you've even admitted that. Lay off and follow your own life. If you can't then obviously you'll need desperately to get one.
2007-01-11 02:53:28 · answer #6 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You were married and had a child with him. Of course there will always be feelings there for him and vice versa. You were blinded by hate for him when you wanted a divorce, and now you're blinded by jealously. It's totally normal. Give yourself time to heal. You'll see in a couple of years or so, you'll meet a man who's 100 times beter than your husband and will treat you like the lady you are. As for the new floozy--- you obviously can't stand her, but YOU MUST realise it's difficult for her too. Just relax for the meantime.... GOOD LUCK!
2007-01-11 02:47:14 · answer #7 · answered by Me! 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The women in his life will be near your kids if he wants them to meet your kids--it's his decission, not yours. You can't control him or manipulate him anymore. If you try, it's just going to get you into a huge emotional mess: I've seen people do this, and it's a waste of energy and puts off getting onto good mental health.
Sounds like you never really dealt with the reality of what divorce means, and now you are going through it. You need to make an effort to let go. You need to do something aside from obsessing on what your ex-husband does. He isn't your husband, and that's a boundary you set, so now you just need to accept it.
You aren't doing yourself, your ex or your kid(s) any good by holding onto this control thing.
2007-01-11 03:03:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been where you are. You just have to realize that you wanted this and move on. What I mean is that you wanted out of the marriage. Now he has moved on. Perhaps you didnt think he would. Its natural to hurt for awhile, but you just have to keep reminding yourself of why you are not with him. It sounds like you have also grown up alot in terms of realizing that you didnt want to work it out. Let him move on. And learn from this. Be happy that he is happy. You daughter will grow up with two happy parents.
Its hard I know. I recently got divorced 3 months ago after 8 years of marriage. I also moved on fast. He wanted to reconcile but I was too wrapped up in myself to see it. I now realize that I was wrong and should have reconciled. But I am happy that he is happy and that we get along well.
Maybe its normal to feel this way...
2007-01-11 02:40:52 · answer #9 · answered by Java Queen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having children bonds you to the other person as nothing else does. Also, your being the mother is a strong link. It is only natural that you would want to protect your child. If they are a serious couple however, there really isn't any way to stop her from being near your daughter. You'll have to trust that your ex can watch over the girl and confront the gf if there is a problem.
As to curiosity about their sex life, that should remain a mystery.
2007-01-11 05:37:42 · answer #10 · answered by mikey 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋