over 30 years of marriage...he says he loves me and is sorry and contrite after each time...i know...i know...should have left a loooong time ago...but there were kids involved..now grown...every coupl of years he does this...last one was and old gf from high school who contacted him and he took it and ran...i want to end it...so how do i get past his "i love you's" and his contriteness?
2007-01-11 01:31:19 · 24 answers · asked by alura_06 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The next time you see him, tell him this, and MEAN IT! "I don't want your damn coffee, anymore!" He will get the message, if you put actions to it. What most of us want, is to not have them in our face, but still "drink their coffee".....and you can't have it both ways! Good Luck!!
2007-01-11 01:39:32 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Now that the kids are grown and out of the house--you need to find your strength and get out of that relationship. You are worth sooo much more than that B.S.!!! He lied to you about all the affairs, what makes you think that he isn't lying about loving you. He may love the life that you gave him, he may love the fact that he can cheat on you and still have the good wife to come home to when nothing else works out--but you deserve soooo much more than that. Make a plan, set your goals--and after all this time of doing for him and your children--it is time for you to do for yourself!!! Get a life coach, a counselor, a pastor or even your sister if you have one, or a best friend--someone that will stand beside you (not in front of you leaving you behind like your husband has done for 30 years) and walk you through the transition step by step. My guess is you are an incredible woman, who has many qualities that are to valuable to waste on him any longer. Get a manicure, pedicure buy some new things that make you feel good about you--and get on with it. Give yourself a confidence boost and know that you are better off with out him!!!
2007-01-11 09:45:31 · answer #2 · answered by Austins Mom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't how many affairs he has had. He has problems no doubt about that. It is akain to sexual addiction. The way I see it you have three choices:
1. Do exactly what you are doing now, change nothing.
2. Leave him, seperate temporarily and ask him to get help, tell him you are willing to save your marriage but he has to get help.
3. File for divorce.
Of course, I recommend option number 2, after 30 years I would think you have something there that is at least worth trying to salvage. Sometimes people need to hit rock bottom before they wake up. If you were always there for him after each adulterous affair, what was the problem for him, he knew you would take him back each and everytime. Now it's a cycle he is in, you said it happens every few years. Once you seperate from him, the ball is in his court.
L.
2007-01-11 11:03:15 · answer #3 · answered by tink3610 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You either go and have a peaceful life, or you stay and be miserable. That man will never be faithful to any woman. There are many men like that in this world. You are not going to change him and you are never going to get an honest answer about why he does it. He does it because he likes sex. Plane and simple. You need to understand that you are allowing him to behave this way by continuing on with him through all this. You did your children no justice by staying with a man who behaves that way. If you truly want it to end, then end it. Stop looking for pity and get your butt out of that unhealthy situation. Once a man cheats, he will always cheat. That has never changed and never will. A cheater is also a lier so you can never believe them when they say they are sorry. They have no clue what that means. Again, if you want to continue to live your life with blinders on, then by all means do so. If you want out, then just leave. Good luck and GOD bless.
2007-01-11 09:44:28 · answer #4 · answered by cookie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You recognize that no one is stopping you but you. Call a divorce lawyer, explain your situation and come up with a strategy.
1. He's demonstrated that he's not going to stop
2. He does not love or respect you because he continues to cheat
3. As long as you accept his behavior, you are as responsible for your life's present state. There comes a point when you can't continue to blame him because, guess what: you're still there.
Unless this is the life you want to continue, take matters into your own hands and just GO. Don't be afraid of the future other than what will happen if you continue this cycle. If you don't step out of it, you will never, ever feel good about yourself or find someone who is worthy of you.
2007-01-11 09:39:46 · answer #5 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sweetie at the end whatever you want to do must be right to all of us because its your life but listen to this quote I heard on, of all things, Oprah...
You only cheat when you know that what you have at home is worth losing all in an instant, without ever desiring to turn back and search for it... MIND YOU a man said this!!!!
Please take the time to analyze your life, listen to your heart, and see what happens in the future...But please don't tell me you stayed for the KIDS! Theres no excuse for that even if they are 2 months old
2007-01-11 10:29:49 · answer #6 · answered by lasugarfree 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well let me ask you this..Do you feel that its worth it to keep going through life with him cheating on you every couple years? And think hard before you answer. If you think it is..then your gonna just have to deal with it..
If not then you tell him that you dont want to spend the rest of your life with a man who continues to cheat and you deserve better..I was always told "You fooled me once shame on you, You fool me twice, shame on me"
You get done to you what you let happen..this has become a way of life for him..he knows he can go cheat, come back and tell you, say he loves you and it will be done with
Take a cold hard look at your situation. only you can answer your question...Its about what YOU want isnt it?
2007-01-11 09:50:52 · answer #7 · answered by Pretty Princess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why bother? You've gotten along for 30 years, with him cheating and making up to you. Your kids are grown, but you're still there. Obviously, you like this kind of an existence, so enjoy.
2007-01-11 09:45:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You see a lawyer, serve him papers and change the locks and then call the cops when he tries to get back in. Leave his packed bags on the porch.
Make sure you have access and copies of his financial records and account numbers of all his bank, pension, and credit record so he doesn't try to wriggle out of his responsibility to you after a 30 year marriage.
2007-01-11 09:39:24 · answer #9 · answered by justa 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
When your kids were growing up, did you teach them to JUST SAY NO to drugs and alcohol? This is something that you have to just say no to. If you are really tired of it....either throw him out or move out yourself. You already know that he has done this before and has no intention of stopping. Let the "i love you's" and his contriteness fall on deaf ears and just ignore him. You let him know you are leaving and there is nothing he can say or do to stop you....or have his bags packed and the locks changed and tell him you are done.
2007-01-11 09:37:51 · answer #10 · answered by DONNA M 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Even when I believe in love, and second chances, I must say that you have given him plenty of opportunities to repent. But he is hurting you emotionally by cheating many times.
If you still wish to give him a final chance, then tell him that you will definitely get divorced if he ever cheats again, and even if he repents, you will go through with the divorce.
2007-01-11 09:40:10 · answer #11 · answered by David G 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋