Stay together for the Kids? Yes or No.?

Question

Should a couple seeking to divorce, try to reconcile for the children? What do you think.

Answer 1

not if thats the "only" reason, because if it is, then eventually the children grow up then what??? u think it wont hurt them when they are of age????? of course it will.. they are a reason to try ur azz off to fix the problems in your marriage, but not if their the only reason, u need to fall in love again, u need to own up to the vows u took and realize that there are times when ur marriage is going to go in a rut and times where it will be on a high, and if u both work at ur marriage when its in a rut, then it will be well worth the fight 20 years from now..
Try to fall in love again, for the family's sake, not just the kids.. for ur happiness ur spouses happiness and theirs.. if u stay only for the kids and strictly for the kids, u end up resenting each other worse, and sometimes u end up resenting the kids.. so do it for the right reasons not the wrong ones..

Answer 2

If, through professional counseling, you can resolve your problems, then my answer is yes. If you will only be suffering through the next however many years in misery, just so your children's parents won't be divorced, then my answer is EMPHATICALLY NO. If you think about it, you will only hurt your children by showing them an unhealthy (or even dysfunctional) relationship as their example of what a relationship should be like. Are you in the kind of marriage that you want your children to be in one day? If not, and if it is not fixable, then go ahead with the divorce. If it is fixable, then try to fix it. Both parties must be willing to give it their ALL, or it will not work. Best wishes to you. I have been in your shoes, and this is the best advice that a dear friend gave me. I will always love her for it. I am now happier than I have ever been in my life, and my kids have a chance as well. Take care.

Answer 3

It nearly always doesn't work and if there is tension between the parents then the kids always pick up on it even if it behond closed doors. Who wants their kids to grow up in that sort of environment where the parents are at each other 24/7? Much better to admit enough is enough. The kids will take it tough at first but sometimes it is better just to admit defeat.

There is nothing to say once the parents are divorced that the children never have to see the parent who left. As long as they have a relationship still with that person then what is the problem?

Answer 4

Reconciliation should be done to keep the marriage in tact, if both individual think that there is still love between them. You should never stay because of the children. When you stay because of them, you not only create an atmosphere of discontent, but you also demonstrate to them that marriage is not a union of two people that love each other. Also, because there is no love between the mom and dad, there may be a time when an outside romance may occur, so what kind of an example are you then setting for your children. So only reconcile if there is a chance that love is still intact between the two individuals.

Answer 5

Any couple with children seeking/considering a divorce should be required by law to seek counseling, even though counseling is something that you have to mentally "agree" to be subjected to, otherwise, it's a waste of time.

All children deserve an ideal home; a loving mother and father.

Sometimes, for any number of serious reasons, that is not possible. Only then should the couples separate and the more responsible parent get primary custody.

Children should NOT be exposed to violence between their parents.

Answer 6

Yes and no.

It all depends on the circumstances surrounding the reason for the divorce. Some things can be worked out and some things cannot.

Simply staying for the children is asking for a whole host of problems, especially if there is tension in the home.

Go to marriage counceling first, and see if the marriage is worth saving, or if EVERYONE would be better off if it was truly over with.

Answer 7

I don't think we should ever rule out reconciliation. However, we as individuals say we want to change, but we are who we are. We may change for a little while, but then we get comfortable and lapse into ourselves again. I don't think staying together is going to guarantee happy kids. You can have joint custody and create two homes for the children. Hopefully, you will create these homes close together so you can have a three day, four day, three day, four day schedule each and that you will alternate holidays. Put the kids first and foremost. They didn't ask to be brought into this world. And don't use them as ploys. Don't send them to the other parent dirty, hungry, late, early or with a suitcase full of dirty laundry just for spite. Blessings to all of you.

Answer 8

I would say no, only if the marriage is beyond repair. I grew up with parents who have fought since I was 1 (I'm now 38). I think it's admirable that they have stayed together so long, however, they fight all the time, and are miserable a lot. I wonder if things wouldn't be better had they split and found people that they can be happy with. I believe it probably would have been better for my brothers and I. I know I used to argue with my ex-husband, because I didn't know any better. It was like it was something etched into my psyche. I think children are better off not seeing their parents fight. I grew up pretty messed up. That's why my daughter's father and I aren't together. We used to fight all the time.

Good luck.

Answer 9

Although my son said that divorce hurt him, he felt that I should have left his dad long before I did.

Children are so precious and deserve every chance in life. If only divorcing parents realized that and worked towards what's best for their children.

I'm female, but I don't think a father can be a good father with every other weekend visitation. I'm talking about good fathers.

What I'm saying is, sacrifices have to be made on both sides.

Answer 10

Absolutely not! Though, the concept of being unselfish and trying to work things out for the sake of the children is appealing, but it most always does not work. Instead what you end up doing, is giving your children a false sense of security. They will endure the countless hours of arguing and tension. You both deserve to be happy. Happy parents make for happy children. Either way, the children will suffer. Don't teach your children resentments and how to hold grudges, and that is what will happen if you stay in a marriage for the wrong reasons. Teach your children that sometimes you do make mistakes and sometimes things just don't work out the way we would like. Teach them to accept defeat and move on. Don't teach them to dwell in the past, to settle for less than what they deserve or that it is wrong to want to be happy. If you wait and in a few years things fall apart anyway or your children are grown and then it falls apart, and they ever hear you stayed for them, they will resent you for it and blame themselves for all the years of unhappiness everyone has had to endure. Don't do that to them.