Having always worked for a living (sometimes doing two or three part time jobs to make ends meet) I am quite inexperienced at this. However, I have now decided that working for a living is a mugs game and I would be better off having the dole and all the other benefits that you can get for being idle and dishonest.
Ideally I would like one of those houses that comes with a car and a broken dishwasher on the garden, but I don't mind starting off just having my mortgage paid off on my own house.
I would also like a couple of teenage girls to impregnate - I believe you get extra pay for that - and also free membership to the gym I currently pay for.
I figured, given the amount of tax I've already paid out, if I don't do this soon, I'll end up dying having paid out more than I'll have got back off the system, so I could do with this on the hurry up. I've heard that you can get emergency money to tide you over until your proper dole comes through.
Where do I begin?
2007-01-11 00:41:28 · 16 answers · asked by dr.twaticus 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
i dont think its gonna work for you- you're literate
2007-01-11 00:47:57 · answer #1 · answered by dr schmitty 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Get sacked and go to the job centre. Your local housing association will have to pay your rent (not sure about mortgage). If not then they have to move you to accommodation similar to what you are used to. You then sign on for dole get you £50 a week plus top ups if need be. If you can knock up a bird or fake a disability (stress related illness' are hard to prove but give good money) then you on easy street. I have done the maths and could earn more money PW after on benefits plus if you can prove you an alchy they now have to give you free drink otherwise you have a good breach of human rights.
If not go on Holiday and come back with a fake Somalian passport and claim asylum easy money cars, food etc
2007-01-11 00:59:54 · answer #2 · answered by john j 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like you know what needs to be done. I would suggest you start with buying yourself the right gear. Go and get Adidas stuff from head to toe and then pop into Argos for some top quality Elizabeth Duke jewellery, start smoking and swearing every 3rd word and you are nearly there.
One last thing you must forget everything you learnt at school and work or you will be rumbled for being a decent normal person.
2007-01-11 00:50:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pretend to be from Albania and that you can't get a job as a teacher now that they found out about the paedophillia charges before you came over here in a lorry. You'll get police protection and free counselling for that. Plus them teenage girls will come flocking to a man with a bit of experience...
2007-01-11 00:53:12 · answer #4 · answered by satans_scrotebag 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Good for You! Now Your thinking this side of the equation through, work is for chumps, I agree. Call up the ministry in charge of freebies but before You do hide all Your assets in cash, like a steal box in the garden or under the mattress.
2007-01-11 00:46:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Quit your job, impregnate an Adult woman or two and leave them hooked on crack, take your dishwasher out to the garden.
2007-01-11 00:45:22 · answer #6 · answered by Jessy 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Are you kidding me. No wonder the US doesen't have much money because they have to give it all to people like you who don't want to do anything. I think you need to get a job. One that pays more and that you can keep. Don't be lazy, why should you not have to do anything while everyone else has to work?
2007-01-11 01:55:48 · answer #7 · answered by Lizzy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
think you need to start with a tracksuit, fitted cap and an asbo. The teens to impregnate will follow shortly.
2007-01-11 00:49:02 · answer #8 · answered by thegenius 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Surely freeloading chav is an oximoron?
2007-01-11 00:55:35 · answer #9 · answered by Night Stalker 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move to Essex. The Grays/Tilbury area is preferrable
2007-01-11 00:45:49 · answer #10 · answered by Nemesis 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Get yourself sacked then head of to the jobcentre!! Have fun and I hope all dreams come true!!
2007-01-11 00:45:53 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋