after having kids?
2007-01-11 00:25:33 · 19 answers · asked by ladykitcha 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
"Will somebody PLEASE think of the CHILDREN?!?"
lol...
Whether or not a couple swings at all should have nothing to do with their kids. While I love my two kids like crazy, I have to make my marriage my #1 priority. Kids are smart. They know when their parents don't really love one another. If parents only stay together for their kids' sakes - and don't fool yourself into thinking that the kids won't eventually sense that instability - and then the marriage crumbles...who is the kid going to blame? My marriage's success or failure is completely unrelated to my role as a parent. I will not allow my kids to worry that maybe Mommy and Daddy's divorce is somehow their fault. That's why I say that parents need to recognize the need to put their relationship FIRST, and parenting (a close) second. Your kids will appreciate the security and good example of a successful and loving parental relationship. That's the foundation. It's the "home" where they come from when they're going out into the world.
For my husband and I, swinging has been a part of building up our relationship. We made that decision in the interest of the health of our marriage. Not to "fix" it, but to nurture what was already there. We'd have "date nights" where the kids would go to Grandma & Grandpa's place for the weekend and we would entertain friends or we would go up to Toronto for an overnight trip, maybe taking the opportunity to get dressed up and go to a club where we could flirt and play with other people who are looking for the same kind of escape from the "Vanilla" or "vertical" world. We all need little getaways like this every now and then.
If a couple, however, allows swinging to become an obsession and it starts hurting their ability to parent their kids, this should definitely be considered a problem and it should be stopped. But it's not the swinging that's the problem; it's the parents' inability to control themselves. Moderation and common sense are the keys.
2007-01-11 11:28:59 · answer #1 · answered by intuition897 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I say go for it! Sex is sex at the end of the day. Sex and Love are two totally different things. I am not a Christian but I do believe marriage is a devoted commitment to your partner and if you have that then why not enjoy some fun together. As some of the others have said I would not swing if it was meant as a replacement to sex with a partner but instead adding to it. I wouldn't swing if there were insecurities in the relationship or trust issues. You both have to set rules together and agree to them. You both have to agree on the person your swinging with. Never have sex with someone who is much better looking than your partner for fear of jealousy. I would seriously only start swinging with fellow couples - NSA fun - Soft swap.
Me and my wife have been swinging once or twice this month for the first time and honestly our sex life has improved greatly - it's better than ever. Honestly speaking, I think I will only need to make swinging a once a year kinda thing - just when its needed ;D
Hope my opinion helps
2014-05-22 22:46:43 · answer #2 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ONLY IF - you both agree that you are very strong in your current relationship, and that allowing other couples into it will not result in feelings of jealousy or inadequacy. This happens a lot.
If you're having any kind of problems in your relationship and think that swinging is going to help solve them, you are dead wrong. Don't do it.
Let me put it this way, there are probably more dangers and pitfalls in this than benefits. It is possible that you could try it for a while and come away with some of the best memories of a lifetime. It is also possible that you could ruin your relationship.
Good luck to you.
2007-01-11 01:59:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
By the way you used the word "should" it makes it sound like you're asking if swinging is in definitely in their best interests. No, I don't think they "should" but if they want to, if their relationship is strong, and if they have planned out their rules, then it's probably just some good fun for them to go ahead and do it. Of course, it's advisable that the kids not learn about the swinging, as in all things sexual that go on between their parents.
2007-01-11 00:33:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
In my oppinion , no, ur asking for trouble..marriage vows state "forsake" all others for a reason.. ur playing with fire and ur bound to get burnt.. and the sad thing is, if u get burnt so do ur children and is that fair to them to have u make poor choices that could very well destroy their lives????? u both can say that one of u falling for another partner will never happen, but u dont know that for sure because people cant look into the future and dont think of all circumstances.. so why take the chance?
2007-01-11 00:58:49 · answer #5 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only if you are able to except the fact that you or your spouse might find a better lover by doing this and then be more into them then into the spouse. That will lead to cheating behind each others back which will then lead to fights, then divorce and broken hearted children.
If you can deal with that, then go ahead and swing.
2007-01-11 00:34:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This question has to be coming from a person that doesn't have kids.Kids take up a lot of time I'm surprised you have the time not only have sex with your partner but you wont to have sex with other people as well, the running around and the energy you have to have to organise something like that could only mean that someone is not getting any attention, I'm guessing its the children.
2007-01-11 01:46:47 · answer #7 · answered by Peter C 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well if you both are okay with it, and excited about it i dont see why not. I mean you have kids together, and you love each other. This is just about having fun, and sharing mutal interests! You just dont want to be having sex with other people and not with each other! When that happens then its all going wrong. Use it as sort of a treat! Only once in awhile, and it will keep things interesting, and you'll have something to look forward to.
2007-01-11 00:36:04 · answer #8 · answered by ? 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Why not?! You're married and have kids, not dead! My family is very important to me and I love my son madly, but I deserve to enjoy life (and ALL parts of it) as much as anyone. My husband and I are avid swingers and have enjoyed it very much. Of course we don't get involved when the kids are awake or anything. It just requires a little thought and discretion.
2007-01-11 00:53:33 · answer #9 · answered by Halo 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
No and not before kids either.
Marriage is commitment.
If you want to play around don't get married.
2007-01-11 00:30:33 · answer #10 · answered by justa 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋