Is parenthood a choice or an obligation?

Question

I get so much abuse for not wanting children. May people seem to be appalled that one should make a choice about this, they would rather leave it to chance or accident.

Answer 1

Hello smart blond,

I became a parent because of choices..she choose to quit birth control (only she knew) I chose to stay and be dad. I did receive comments from family members as to "When will you carry the family name"? In High School I knew I didn't want to be a dad, (At 35 she at 39) I thought I was gunna be child free. I think that children kept me more focused and out of some trouble, but, Its hard, demanding, ever present, and something you must really want to do before you have 'em. If you choose to be a parent be prepared for anything and giving up everything.....give it your best, make the best choice that you can then never give up because the children will need you.

I want to be careful here; This country gives the woman the RIGHT to CHOOSE, men too, however, men get to be the dad, or a bum( the way men see it) if she chooses life. After 12 years its day by day yet I can barley wait till they're 18. It has not been fun I don't think I'm a good dad, it's a job, duty, obligation and I'm doing it. Really, Really want them first no matter what any, anyone else says. You are not obliged to to become a parent, tell the asker if they want children go adopt, I would, they aren't the ones there 24/7. Abuse? abuse is unacceptable and tell them so.

Answer 2

It is definitley a choice. There should be more to it, but unfortunately, there usually isn't.

I am of the opinion that if you can't keep a houseplant alive for at least five years without worrying about dirt under your nails - you have no business having children. If you don't even want children, well, then you also have no business having children.

Screw what everyone else thinks. They're not the ones who will be changing diapers and putting the lil bastich through college. If you don't want kids, well, you don't want kids. Put it to them that way and watch the heads spin. Some of us just aren't so into our own DNA that we're willing to financially cripple ourselves, or unduly burden ourselves, for the next 18-21 years.

Selfish? Perhaps. But why bring another unwanted child into the world when there are already so many waiting for homes?

~Morg~

Answer 3

You certainly have a bee about this area but I can appreciate that,,,

I do not have children. I do think though to some extent that there is a social obligation of sorts.
I should clarify in that many years ago my fiance had a late term abortion with telling me this eventually split us up it had numerous immediate consequences most not good.
But even with this experience I still think we have a social duty to reproduce but not to the point where that social duty becomes a law like China has to restrict growth.
But personally how capable you will be as a parent is as important as the obligation to perpetuate the species....

Answer 4

It is your choice however once conceived there is an obligation to do right by the child and that might include adoption. However talk about this before you get married. If you don't you might get married to someone that really wants children and this will be a conflict that may lead to divorce.

Answer 5

It's absolutely your choice. I myself am NOT a kid person, and always swore I didn't want children. As I'm growing older my maternal instincts are kicking in and I'm begining to want them. But no matter what it is always your decision. You shouldn't feel like you have to have children, heck we're over populated enough. However if people are going to make the choice not to have children they need to make the choice before they're pregnancy, and do something to prevent this. But if you're sure you don't want children buy you some birth control and a pack of condoms and have fun!

Answer 6

Some people reckon we were only created to create. So some people are gonna seem a bit miffed as to why you wouldnt want to continue your family through to another generation. Some people find that having children makes them feel need and loved and that they are doing the "right thing", but often people have children for selfish reasons, to keep a partner or to feel loved or to control something. Maybe your life is so "perfect" you dont want or need kids, i couldnt blame you. I dont particualry want kids at the moment either. But i am prepared in myself that my thoughts MIGHT change at a stage in my life.

Ignore those who have opinons, chances are their lives arnt too good so they feel they can comment on others decisions and lifes cause they think they "know it all" but no one knows you better than you do, so if you dont want children dont have them, it would be unfair wouldnt it as you would start to resent them in the end and they would suffer.

DO WHAT THE F*CK YOU WANNA DO GIRL!! XXXXXX

Answer 7

I made the same choice as you, with no regrets! Yes, there is a lot of societal pressure to have children. I find that those who are parents usually can not understand what it feels like to NOT want to be one and I respect that. I'm sorry that you get abuse for your decision, it's not fair but I do think that it is just so difficult for others to grasp the concept.

Answer 8

Parenthood is a choice. And if you don't want them, that is better than having them, Once you have children, then you have the obligation to raise and train them. I would say don't have any unless you really want them. I see too many children that are aren't really loved by families. I have to conclude that they weren't planned.

Answer 9

I agree with other answers, having a children is your choice, therefore it is nobody´s business when or what you decide.

Once you decide to have the child, I think parenthood is an obligation.

Answer 10

I'm 29, don't have children and not looking at having any. Not because I don't like them. I do. But I have a choice if I want to raise any and I don't. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to have children. And one certainly shouldn't leave it to chance, that is an awful thing to do for such a hard job.