Don't Marry a Black man?

Question

My mom was pissed off when she heard the Black population had the highest rates of out of wedlock births. And she told me "if you want to get married, don't marry a Black man they barely even marry us anymore." She was married twice to two Black men including my father and both me and my older brother born we're born out of wedlock and both men didn't finish college. I want to get married but I already seen some young Black men messing up. What are my chances of marrying a good Black man or let along any good man?

Answer 1

well, i married a black man, and we're very happy actually. This is advice i would give to all women, regardless of race, which is clearly needed considering the large number of single mothers and divorces there are in American in general

1. marry your best friend. Many people look at physical appearance, appearance of wealth, etc. However, they barely know the person and often are "in love" with someone they don't even respect

2. love is great, true love is greater. People often mistake crushes for love, a bubbly feeling in your stomach when you look at someone, etc. That's pretty much bull. The strongest love takes time, and when you marry someone, they become your family. You should marry someone who you can argue with one moment, and laugh with the next. Someone who is supportive of your goals as much as he is of his own- when you're married, you're a team. I'm not against sex before marriage, it's your decision, but a lot of people confuse the natural intimacy created during sex with love so be careful

3. don't marry someone that isn't going the same place you are. In America there's this whole "love beats everything" crap. MARRIAGE IS NOT ABOUT LOVE. marriage is about economics, comfort, and if you plan on raising children, then children. When looking at someone you plan to marry ask yourself- would i want to have children that act like this man? Can this man financially support me and the household we plan? is he moving forward, or seem to be happily stuck in one place? Yes, love is important, but if you are in college and value education over everything else, there's no sense in marring a man without an education, it won't work. Harsh, perhaps, but there is truth in the "don't be unequally yoked" thing

4. Have good priorities, and then hang around the right men. A good priority is searching for a man who respects himself. who loves children. A good priority is not looking for a man who is dressed in the hottest new gear- or is physically fit. Your list should show good bases that can't be changed. You can always change what a man is wearing, you can't change if he will be a good father or not.

5. lastly- your mother is clearly bitter. learn from her lessons by not marrying the type of man she did. I'm not saying you should ONLY marry a black man, but there are great men out there and you shouldn't discriminate against someone based on their race.

Answer 2

I think it is mostly black women who say not to marry a black man, and it is too easy sometimes to make it an issue. My mum married a Nigerian who messed her and hurt us, and his daughter (my halfsister), I think when people say this they are hurt and perhaps bitter and say it as refering to their culture etc (well I've heard it being said about Zimbabweans and Nigerians anyway).

I don't know if this is helping you , but basically of course you will find a good black man just like you are a good black woman and if you have any brothers or male cousins they are good too.... lol it's legal to marry cousins if you can't find anyone though.

and I have met the man of my dreams, and it's to his mum's disappointment that I'm white. Until now I never felt hurt or bitter, or anything about someones race, and it was only when his mum was rude to me and my b/f told me why she didn't want to get to know me that it kicked in that I'm different.... I hope that wont happen to you if you marry into a white family too

If you want an english guy there's loads of good black guys at my college?

Whatever happens, don't let your mother prevent you from marrying someone you are in love with.

and above all I have just read smm's answer, please read her answer.

just a little addition, it doesn't matter if you only want to marry a black man as it's important to be attracted to somebody too, not because YOU think they'll be a better husband if they're a different colour.

Answer 3

There are good black men out there but you must run in the same circles they do. If a professional is what you seek ; then go to college and socialize with others of all races while getting your education.
Historically the African American male was seperated from his family due to slavery. He was often sold and was never to see his family again. From then on the African American male had to deal with the constant bias and a society trying to keep him from being successful thru segregation etc...
Even those who had joined the military to fight for the American country were not treated as equals.
Typically the opportunities for the African American male wasn't extended and often they were unable to provide for their families and would do what is necessary. Leaving their wives,girlfriends, children alone to raise the family. The African American woman has had to be strong and independent given the history. This is a good thing. However, after so many generations of young men growing up in divided households and being raised often by grandparents w/o a father figure we now see many who are born out of wedlock. There isn't a sense of responsibility but one of do what is best for themselves. It isn't right and it isn't fair but it is what it is. To paint all Black men w/one brush isn't fair. There are many out there who work hard not to fall into that stigma.
You should consider marrying a man upon completing your own education and reaching your goals. Then marry a man who is your true partner in everything and who treats you with love and respect. Lastly, DON"T SLEEP WITH ANYONE unless he is willing to give you the commitment of marriage no matter what his ethnicity is.

Answer 4

Its because your mom didn't see the signs of somebody who can not have a good relationship. You gotta ask yourself questions like does he flirt or constantly look at other woman? Does he drink a lot? Is he more work then come home and relax kinda guy or somebody who needs to always go out with the buddies? Smokers, drinkers,party animals, bud smokers will definitely be bad for a relationship. I'm sure their are good black men out their for you, you gotta read the signs No BAD boys. Don't fall for just any guy that's nice to you or spits a good game. Don't worry about color worry about who is more of a relationship marriage kinda guy, usually the ones that are perfectly happy sitting at home instead of always going out. White folks can have this problem too if your not looking in the right area's, like me I used to meet woman in the club Bad Idea now I know and knowing is half the battle lol. Goodluck don't worry about color worry about who has a good atittude, and also work on your own abilities to maintain a good relationship because you come from a single mother so its not hardwired into your brain how to have a good marraige. Goodluck

Answer 5

People believe too many lies of the Devil. Don't entertain that kind of thinking.
Society expects us to marry the first person we meet.
And people want to fall in Love with the first one that
gives them some regular sex.
Got to look around a little and find someone you can actually get along with. Has the same interests. Wants
to do the same things. So you have a real relationship.

Answer 6

The black population has the highest rate of out of wedlock births because peoples Moms say don't marry a black man so they don't. DOH!!

Answer 7

You should evaluate the man, regardless of color, before you get knocked up, that is YOUR responsibility. That question sounds racist to me. Lots of losers do not work for a living, and are deadbeat dads, they come in all colors. Get married BEFORE having children, and at least they will not be illegitimate, regardless of their color

Edit, I wish I could give smm 50 thumbs up, Right On!!!

Answer 8

Its easy to find white guys who mess up too. And in every other culture, too.

It really depends on what you're looking for in a guy. The key is not to let a guy walk all over you, and even the nice ones try to, just to see how far they can go. Stand up for yourself, don't be a doormat, and stay away from guys who seem like they're either in court or in jail.

Don't settle for less or that's what you'll wind up with. It'd be better to be alone.

Answer 9

I don't think that is fair.

White guys mess up too!

You are just going to have to be patient and look harder. Good men of ALL races are hard to find. You are not going to meet husband material in a bar or club. Try hanging out at the library, church, etc.

If you keep your standards up and only date good, responsible men, you will find husband material!

Good luck!

Answer 10

If you can find a good man and you love him MARRY HIM. Who cares which color he is. There are many, MANY white men that are losers too. I know, I married 2 of them! Maybe this ones not hiding any dirty little secrets....