My family is encouraging me to get married to my fiance, but the dark side to it is he has a serious drinking problem that he struggles to control.He is unpredictable. I feel they want me to marry him just to say I am married. I feel a part of myself not being satisfied with him because he doesnt have much. My ex is a manager at a grocery store, he has a nice vehicle, and he has financial stability. I dont really respect my fiance as a man because he is somewhat dependant on me. He took me to his parents alpaca ranch for Thanksgiving to try to impress me but it is THEIR ranch and money. Money isnt everything, but his step dad was cracking jokes about him filing bankruptcy & basically being a looser. He didnt even defend himself & I really lost respect for him after that. I still miss my ex alot but he is a newley wmarried now. He is newlywed 6mos,but he talks about coming back to me. I dont want to marry to make eveyrone else happy & I dont respect this man & I still love my ex.
2007-01-10 23:23:35 · 17 answers · asked by Wisdom 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You're SUPPOSED to make comparisons with every man you meet and carry on a relationship with. How else are you going to gauge standards as to what you're looking for if you don't use your first screwed up relationship and the reasons behind it as an example.
You're on the right track. Remember what Satayana said...."Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it".
"Nuff said.
2007-01-11 00:15:01 · answer #1 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem to be a very materialistic person but what you have said. Break it off with your fiance if you do not love or respect him as it will only end up with both of you getting hurt in the end. You may miss your ex a lot but he has moved on and so must you. Why did your ex get married if he still talks of coming back to you ?? That is very unfair on you. I bet his new wife knows nothing about this. Please do not waste your time waiting for something that will probably never eventuate. Your ex really has a nerve even suggesting such a thing. He has a new wife and you need to get a new life. Best of luck to you
2007-01-11 08:01:58 · answer #2 · answered by kazzadanni 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't marry this man to make everyone else happy. I was in the same situation. If you can't respect him he isn't worth messing with.
I walked away from my fiance 3 weeks before the wedding. Everything was really ugly then. I suggest if this is the way you feel then don't get married. You have 2 options: 1) Wait to see if he will become more of a man and gain control over his drinking or 2) Leave him
The feelings you have for your X can't be hidden. I would split up and see how things go from there. I went back to my X and things couldn't have been better!
Follow your heart, if you do it will lead you right!
2007-01-11 07:33:14 · answer #3 · answered by charmz21lucky 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Let go of your fiance, no matter what others think, and get on with your life. Do not get involved with your ex either. This man is married. Respect his marriage as you would expect another woman to respect yours. If he becomes divorced, and you're still available, you might get together. Until then, there are other men and other opportunities. Move on.
2007-01-11 07:56:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop thinking about the past and get on with your own life.
Your ex is married, move on. Talk is talk nothing more, don't even go there.
You're current husband needs either a good heart to heart talking to from you to give him some self confidence back (poor guy) and if you don't love him why the hell is he you're fiance? Get out now stop lying to him yourself and both of your families!
I think I'd have self respect issues and no self confidence if I was with you.
Move on with your life, and you love life. Face up to the truth and stop lying to people because you're messing with their lives, feelings, emotions and that IMHO is just waaaaay beyond cruel it touches on evil.
Go and find a man who "has more than he has" and be content.
2007-01-11 07:34:55 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to let your current boyfriend and the ex GO!. YOU dont want to be with the current guy and the other guy has moved on (dont fall for his smooth talk) he has a family now and you need to move on and leave both these guys alone. Marry WHO you want WHEN you want. Tell your family to stay out of your love life and dont get involved in a new relationship until you are over the last one.
2007-01-11 07:53:13 · answer #6 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, I totally agree with you on not marrying your fiance. If he's that serious in the alcohol problem, the least thing you need is a lifetime headache like that. About your ex, he's newly-wed. I wouldn't want to be a side dish if I was you. He's just toying with you so he can have a mistress. Is that what you really want? Think of it.
2007-01-11 07:32:43 · answer #7 · answered by M'lady 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You answered your own question, you cant stop comparing because you still love your ex and your fiance just doesn't add up. Don't marry your fiance hes just a substitute you'll never be TRULY happy w/ him wait for the real deal rather it be your ex or someone else.
2007-01-11 08:09:07 · answer #8 · answered by Got Curves? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then don't marry your fiance, marriage is hard enough you don't need to make it harder. You must be feeling so stressed out and under so much pressure, I know its going to take guts to call off the engagement, but this is your life and no body else they can't live your life for you so if you know deep down that you are not going to be happy with him, don't do it. Save your money rather then going through a expensive mistake.
I hope your life works out for you. Feeling deeply for the stress and pressure you are going through.
2007-01-11 07:33:46 · answer #9 · answered by MJ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Excuse me..but I thought the world had more than just 2 men in it??? You're going on and on as if these are the last 2 men on earth and humanity is a dying race that you're comparing them side by side to choose which one of the two losers are you going to be with to re-populate the earth!!!
Move on... You deserve a better man!!
2007-01-11 07:55:03 · answer #10 · answered by jacqvence 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋