My husband and I used to work in two countries for a long time. We saw each other once a year or even longer. During this period, I happened to know a guy who liked me at the first sight. After he told me that I just let him know I was married. He gave up. But because of our work we had to see each other very often. his feelings were still there when he talked to me and stared at me. I began to like him back. There were always some other guys who liked me, but he was the only one I couldn't resist.
I didn't want to ruin the life of three people. I hided my feelings and avoided any contact with him. Sometimes I was rude. Later he quitted the job and moved to another city. I left too. Since then we've had no contact.
I thought I'd forget that guy when living with my husband. I'm very happy in my marriage. I love my husband. But I'm still thinking about that guy and feel painful. I don't think he's better but can't get him out of mind. It's been almost 2 years!
I hate myself!
2007-01-10 22:38:19 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Wow, that's a pretty intense love. However, it's not real. You were infatuated with your co-worker, but you never had to deal with the day-to-day grind with him. You only saw him at his best, and he only saw you that way. The image you have of him is perfect, because you never fought, you never smelled his bad breath, and he never hurt you. What you have is a fantasy. Fantasies are okay to have, but never hurt the "real" for the "unreal". Your husband is with you, and though you have fought with him, smelled his bad breath, and he has hurt you, you two are still happy and in love. That's real and it's the real thing.
The first step to leaving "fantasy man (your stated goal)" is realizing the above. Secondly, slowly let him go by realizing that he is probably not as perfect as you imagine. And lastly, the things you imagine doing with him redirect them and do them with the man with whom you have built a life.
2007-01-10 23:29:05 · answer #1 · answered by Dino 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be just infatuation. At the same time, it could be that a part of you wants to know how it is to love him and be with him and the reason why you can't forget him is because you're still wondering the "what if" about him. Plus, there is also the fact that you weren't seeing so much of your husband. That kinda gets into all of us sometimes because we're physical beings and physical presence is important for all of us. Maybe the best way is to stay with your husband from now on if it's possible.
2007-01-11 08:01:48 · answer #2 · answered by Throneguard 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only way i have ever got over someone is by loving them more. Completely opening my heart to them i did not NEED them anymore. It is the only way i know. If i close off to them, the love is still there and keeps coming back...
2007-01-11 06:45:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋