i recentley split up with my violent partner and finding it hard. I still love him last night i spoke to him and he said he would change if we were together i dont know what to do please help!!
since splitting up with him i have been drinking realy heavy i can go through a lrt of vodka a night what do i do? xxx
2007-01-10 20:57:43 · 9 answers · asked by Bipolar-Bird88 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
yeah it's very well him saying that he will change, how many times has he said that to you? too many babe. if u keep going back to him , he will think it is exceptible behaviour to treat women the way he does, and you and i both know , IT'S NOT! it's up to u at the end of the day but personally i wouldn't , because people like that don't change unless they really want to , trust me i know, it will be hard whatever decission you make because you are a dear friend of mine and i can't bare to see you hurt again. just listen to your heart. i will be here for u no matter what. love ya babes. x
2007-01-10 21:03:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Stop drinking.
Be careful around him, try not to get drunk and provoke him.
Two choices:
Patch things up or walk away.
I think you'll probably favour the patch things up (most physically abused women do as they love the none violent guy they know). You need to get sober and talk to him in a neutral place (go for a meal or something) and discuss that you need to both go to a councillor to sort out the physical violence that is happening. If he won't you walk and get an injunction against him to make sure he won't hit you again (maybe only if it gets difficult as this might provoke him).
Or
You can walk away, and yes this is initially the harder of the two but it may just well be the best. Most people will say to do this but its difficult for them to understand your personal situation so.
What you shouldn't really be doing is:
Blaming him completely, it takes two to argue. But you also need to bear in mind there is no excuse good enough for a man to hit a woman. Unfortunately it does happen in the heat of the moment and thats a fact.
Take it slow and stick to it, councillor or nothing. It's really your way or the highway now. He simply should not be violent.
2007-01-11 05:08:11 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
see a psychologist/counsellor is my advice, ring your local community centre to find a cheap one if money in the issue because what you're doing is not healthy. What changes has your ex made to his life to make sure he makes changes? Has he received any professional help etc? If not, then you can't trust a word he says and honestly, why put yourself back in that situation. I think you need counselling to resolve what I suspect are issues with your self-worth, how you feel about yourself, which is part of the reason why you drink and why you would even consider going back to an ex with a history like that.
If you feel better about yourself, you will find your life will improve dramatically. I know what it is like to have doubts about yourself and let your life slide down from there but when you get back on track, things are that much better.
2007-01-11 21:28:15 · answer #3 · answered by OziGirl_222 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honestly if you let him back in it may be all roses for a couple of weeks, but after that everything will go back to the way it was, just think about how many times hes broken promises before and i bet he has!i went through this and the CRI domestic violence are really good they can offer you legal advice because he won't be happy if you put your foot down for good, they can make sure you are safe and give emotional support with the whole situation including the drinking.please I'm a stranger but my experience still haunts me I'm still nervous and shakey it effects my whole life now please don't go back to him things will get worse .i thought "one more chance" and it ended in him nearly killing me. Be strong and remember you are worth so much more it's not your fault and its not normal.its hard to get away but you don't have to do it alone try the CRI. no matter how much you love him now you will look back in a year and thank your lucky stars x x x x
2007-01-11 05:31:38 · answer #4 · answered by emmachampy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO!!!!!!!! I was in a violent relationship for 5 years! He promised changes,counseling,and that he loves me,and didn't mean to hurt us.(me and our children)All we got was broken promises,and he got more clever about what he did to us.So people couldn't easily see the damage!Example:you could see a black eye,so he broke your toes!!!! Love doesn't have to hurt! You do NOT deserve this!!!! God Bless,and Good Luck!!!
2007-01-11 05:13:44 · answer #5 · answered by stressed 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you need to stop the BS drinking and not go near the guy...he is violent and will never change...it WILL only get worse not better...is he going to say he is sorry when he beats you so bad you are in the hospital...or worse...
You need to pull yourself together and get your life in order and find someone who doesn't use you as a punching bag!! Get yourself into counseling and get a restraining order against hin...you can do better...you deserve better !!
Good luck!!
2007-01-11 05:06:57 · answer #6 · answered by susan c 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
if you want to end up in the hospital sure get back with him,they all say they gonna change just to get you back,as soon as things get back in to play,the old ways come back.life could be better but you have to make it happen,stop drinking,forget about him and move on,their is someone 20 times better for you.just wait and see for yourself..i know from experience..
2007-01-11 05:05:13 · answer #7 · answered by nitro 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
go and talk to him.make it clear about ur relationship.talk to him freely.if he says he 'll change then give her one chance b'coz love can not be broken easily. if ur prescence can change somebody,u should go forward.but take care that u r not swyed by anybody.be wise from ur brain as well as ur heart.all the best
2007-01-11 05:10:51 · answer #8 · answered by jaspreet k 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he hurts you maybe he doesn't really love you...........
You should forget him and start a new life. DATE someone or get to know other guys that you feel comfortable with and would care and LOVE you=)
2007-01-11 05:07:03 · answer #9 · answered by Emillie 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋