Ok, as daft as it sounds I feel like I'm in the relationship that I am, beacuse I have to be. After recently moving back to where I grew up and to be around my immediate family, they didnt want to know me. My mum moved away and dosent want to know me, my brother's moved to london and my dad's re-married and dosent want any communications or responsibility with his kids from a previous marriage. I got with this lad just before my mum walked, but after my brother moved out. There was nowhere for me to go, and with a new job, money was extremely tight and I knew I couldnt afford a place straight away. His family offered to help and let me move in with them. Now I feel that I have to be in this relationship, though he's unemployed, and doesnt seem to be bothered, he dosent do anything around the house, where as I'm always helping with cleaning, washing, ironing and cooking, as well as working full time and paying them £200 / month. He always says he's tired, but he does nothing all day!
2007-01-10 19:11:05 · 8 answers · asked by Advice_Welcomed 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I dont want to be with a lazy bum who doesnt care! Just recently there's a guy at work, he's really nice and kind and gentle on the few occasions I've spoken to him, and he's pretty good looking. He's talking to me more which makes me think we'd get on well. I dont feel happy where I am, but cant afford to move out at the mo, and dont have anyone to turn to. I feel unloved and unwanted all the time, and am slowly loosing motivation to keep going, I thinknthis is because of my partners attitude to life at the mo. What do I do?! I need help, desperately!
2007-01-10 19:13:59 · update #1
Whenever I try to talk to my partner he gets irate, and has a short fuse and has shown signs of violence, so I feel like I cant talk to him, I feel lonley
2007-01-10 19:15:10 · update #2
You are trying to address too many things at once here - no wonder you feel 'desperate'!
Firstly, it is clear that you do not love your 'partner', as you call him, though I fail to glean any sense of partnership between you. You may find that he is also fed up with the relationship - he sounds depressed, perhaps because of being unemployed and thereby disempowered, and who really wants to be living with their parents? You say he shows signs of violence when you try to get him to talk - then don't.
You must get out of the situation you are in before you lose heart altogether. Which brings me to the next point. You say you can't afford to leave, but you can. If you have to live on baked beans and water for a few months, you can leave. Get a flatshare with some other girls. You will need the company and it is cheaper. I know you will need a deposit so have a long, hard think about this - you could even get in touch with your dad again and tell him your situation. There's nothing to be lost by it. Once you put your mind to it, you will get the deposit together, I am sure.
Meantime, do nothing about the guy at work. It would be unreasonable and unfair to impose any of this on him and you want to go into a new relationship feeling independent and in control of your life. I am sure that your new-found confidence, when you do make the move, will be a big attraction to him.
Be brave and do it - the only regrets you will ever have are the chances you never took.
2007-01-10 20:25:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all Well Done! for realising that you don't want this relationship... As many people in your case would be happy just to have a caring family and a arsehole for a boyfriend just so they feel wanted and have people around them... So Well Done! You need to look in the paper for a house share... Move out... Then you can slowly cut your contact with the boyfriend until you grow apart... Then you need to start a fresh... Why not do a part time further education course so you are providing yourself with a better chances for a better job for the future... Make sure that this guy you like at work ,that you like him for the right reasons not because he pays attention to you...Or an escape root. Good Luck xxx
2007-01-10 19:35:42 · answer #2 · answered by cranberry queen 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW
this is quite the pickle...
I know that things sound kinda rough right now but your 'boyfriends' parents actually did you a favor. Of course there is the obvious favor of taking you in in your time of need but better than that, they allowed you to see their son for who he really is!
Imagined if you would have married this loser.
Continue to be nice to him while you formulate your plan to move.
I would continue to cultivate new friendships but do so slowly as the boys parents might see it as a direct insult if you were to move into a new place with a new man.
Better to try to find a female friend that you could room with for a few months and make a gradual transition away from him.
When you find your female roommate and move out, on the first week, you stay with the boyfriend 4 nights out of the week, the second three and so on until you are not going much at all. It would be better to gradually get out of his life since you dont want the parents to be too upset with you incase the roommate thing does nto work out
also
be thinking of what you want to do to completely support yourself.
YOur current job right now is not going to do it so it is a good time to consider going back to school etc
GOOD LUCK!
2007-01-10 19:21:32 · answer #3 · answered by onestepbeyond 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can see how you would kind of feel trapped in a lot of ways, you have limited cash from sounds of it, living with your boyfriend's family, if you were to split that would cause animousity and would most likely result in your having to leave the property which would cause considerable financial strain. There are other options out there though. I'm not sure how old you are but there is always youth housing, granny flat rentals, sharing a place etc. Do you work full-time? If not, then maybe you should consider studying part-time, work full-time, it won't be the best but hey, it will help you out considerably in the future and it won't be forever.
2007-01-11 13:43:45 · answer #4 · answered by OziGirl_222 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to see if this other guy at work actually likes you. and even if he doesnt like you in that way, you could ask him for a place to crash until you can get your own place. as a freind he might help you out. explain your situation and see what happens. but you need to get away from this guy if he is who you say he is, because the situation will only get worse. if all else fails, then go to your local counsil for help with housing, under the situation, they would find you somewhere to live. it may be a hostil or a b&b, but at least your free of him, plus , this will give you the motivation to find a place of your own. good luck!
2007-01-10 19:26:20 · answer #5 · answered by Robfev 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow.
one step said everything I wanted to say!! Re- read that!!!
you are boxed in for right now.save every penny you get your hands on.
Are you nanny material?? some parents like live in babysitters.
you can live with a good family,eat their food and make your own money.Get rid of "boyfriend" and do not move too fast with the new guy or you will wind up right back where you started.
2007-01-10 19:35:24 · answer #6 · answered by to tell ya the truth........... 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first of all put an add in the paper looking to rent a room.. you can rent a personal room for 200 a month~~~ secondly... pack your bags and move... but while your still living there make sure to go out on a date or two with this other guy so that the bum knows u arent havin his ****
2007-01-10 19:38:10 · answer #7 · answered by jingles 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your biggest problem is yourself. do you want this or not?you have a voice,or could it be a way out?check again as to who is pushing.
2007-01-10 19:20:27 · answer #8 · answered by peggy m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋