I have a husband with an anger and a lying problem. I can't seem to talk to him like an adult because of his reactions to anything. Something feels missing in my marriage and I don't know what it is. What should i do?
?
2007-01-10 18:46:55 · 8 answers · asked by cheree k 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Some things cannot be fixed from within.
Or spurred on to a new level from within.
It requires Outside Help.
NOW is a good time to tackle a task.
2007-01-11 09:56:34 · answer #1 · answered by tillermantony 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you can suggest counseling. How many years do you have between you so far?
Counseling is something that both parties have to agree to and get on board with; the fact that what they're doing is not working well, and that they could very possibly benefit from a trained professional's suggestions.
Our oldest and most dear friends had a similar problem. The guy had an anger problem. He's a very big strong man, and she's this petite little thing. They had only been married a few years and otherwise were a wonderful couple.
She told him it was either HE get some anger management counseling, or she was outa there.
Ultimatums don't always work, but it did in this case.
2007-01-11 00:09:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not sure how long you have been married. But if you saw how he was before getting married and he is still the same, you shouldn't have married him. But, it is too late to say that now.
It depends how he gets angry, does he throw things, make holes in the walls, abusive to you? If he lies to you, does he say sorry for lying to you and does it again? Is this an ongoing thing for him? When you talk to him, does he sound defensive or is he calm about it?
If you made numerous attempts to talk to him, by being polite and calm without raising your voice that is, does he take it seriously or are you yelling at him and nagging him when you two talk? The reason why you can't seem to talk to him like an adult, is because maybe he is immature still. Plus, it all depends how you talk to him too. Like how is your attitude when you try to talk to him. Things like that.
If he hasn't changed, you can't change him....he has to want to change himself. Tell him that you want to help him overcome his anger. There are many ways to do that. He just needs to want to do them if you two want to save your marriage. If he doesn't want to seek any type of counseling, or make any kind of effort to change his behavior, then that will show you that he doesn't care about saving his marriage. Hope there are no kids involved either, because they are the ones who get hurt too when a marriage falls a part.
I would recommend a book called, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage", by Dr. Laura Schlesinger. By the way, usually when people have had an anger problem or some type of behavior problem, it usually has to do with their up bringing, how they were raised or could be if something terrible happened to them when growing up as a child.
Hope this helps!
2007-01-10 19:07:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are asking when to see a marriage counselor, it was a while ago, before you asked the question. More couples should go to counseling "before" big issues arise, but since you are in the spot you are, NOW is the time. If he won't go, most guys do not go, ego gets in the way, then YOU go yourself. You will be amazed at what positive things come out of speaking with a professional. For some reason, you are "allowing" him to lie, etc., or he feels that he has the right to ........how do you change that? go talk to someone, it will be worth it , I promise.
2007-01-11 00:36:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had to seek Counseling after after a 2007 Porsche parked in my drive way left with flat tires, scratched Paint, broken tail lights and antennas about $12,000.00 dollars damage
That's what he gets for having an affair with my wife.
BY the way, I didn't have pay anything for that. He found out that my wife was one expensive piece of pusssy. I laughed as the flat bed on the street towed his shiit away and my neighbors got in on it to laugh. We embarrased that guy more way than one. He has never been back.
2007-01-10 18:54:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need immediate marriage counseling!
2007-01-10 18:51:52 · answer #6 · answered by Cool Wolf 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is time to go to counsling and if he doesnt want ot go you go and you may find that he is not who you are supposed to be with
2007-01-10 18:50:43 · answer #7 · answered by stephanie o 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you think you could benefit, go. If he doesn't want to go with you, go by yourself.
2007-01-10 18:51:21 · answer #8 · answered by drshorty 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋