After 9 years and a 5yr old son... She cheats on me?

Question

I seriously have no idea what to do with myself now that this has happened. We have been together for 9 years. We have a 5yr old son. I finally got the ring. And now I find out that she has been seeing some coworker for the past 2 months and she tells me she loves him. She tells me that she loves me but is not in love with me any longer. I still love her after all the yelling and crying I have done. So far when I look at another woman I can only see deceet. I know that I should just move on and live on. But it hurts so much to think about it or not doing anything about it. I can't stop thinking of it no matter how much I try not to. She wants to have custody of our son but allow me visitation and to have him over with me whenever I would like. For those who has had this happen to them... What do I do? How long will this pain last? Is there such a thing as true love? Or is it only temporary till someone else gets in the way.... Sorry for all this. I just wanted to vent. Thank yiou

Answer 1

I feel your pain, brother. I've been in your shoes and it hurt like hell for a long time. In the end I learned I'm better off without her. If she cheated she obviously has no concern for your feelings.
This might not help but it's gonna hurt for a long time. You'll cry and keep yourself up all night wondering why, but eventually you'll move on. It's not going to be easy.
If you want to persue custody you should. Her cheating on you isn't going to help her any in front of a judge....however you have to be mindful about what's best for your son.....If he'll be in a better position with his mom, you might just let it go and have visitation rights.
To make this short, you're in for a lot of heartache.... but it won't be forever. Be strong and try to end it as civil as you can for your son's sake....Good luck man, I'm pulling for you....

Answer 2

I feel a strong urge to write this as I share your pain. I went through what you are going now 10 months ago. I have two children 4.5 yrs and 16 months. My husband decided that his colleague was more important than us shortly after I delivered my second child.

You will feel angry, disappointed, helpless because no matter what you try, she just isnt' turning back. Sometimes you hate her so much you feel like divorce. At other times, you just want her to come back so badly. If you don't take control, you will slip into depression.

I had sleepless nights until I had to see a shrink. It didn't help and I was in a daze all the time until I saw a counsellor. He lent a listening ear and gave me guidance on how to manage the anger. I started doing things I had always wanted to try before I was married. That took away the oppotunities for me to think about the pain. Although it didn't take away the pain altogether, it lessen the pain over the last 10 months. Now, occassionally I will still think of the pain and cry. But each time after that, I feel better because I let go of some of the pain.

You need to decide if it is in the best interest of your son for her to have custody. Although I understand that courts tend to grant the custody of young children to the mother, you can always challenge if you feel you can provide a better environment or be a better parent.

True love is not just about spousal love. I did not think of finding another person to fill the gap as I am skeptical about whether that person will love my children as much as I do . But through this incident, I realise that there are many other people who love me just as much, my parents, my siblings, my friends whom I have lost touch since I got married now provides me with the moral support, and most importantly, my children who always give me the smile when I return from work.

What I had seem easy but trust me, it is not that hard too. I have been through this. Nothing that I say here will help you unless you are willing to take that first step. Once you take that first step, the pain will grow lesser and you will realise that it is all in the mind. You hold the key to your own happiness. Life may not be as bad as it seems to be afterall.

Hope that helps.

Answer 3

U hv my sympathy.Yr wife is a real ***** and even though u want to give her a chance the issue WILL haunt you for the rest of life.
This is a big issue we are talkking abt here and imagine she's hving a greta sex and timewith another man.No one will be able to tolerate that.Do what u can to stop her from getting the custody and who knows after the divorce,she will be asking u for maintenance ailmony money from you.At the same time she will continue hving sex with the man.

Answer 4

She probably got tired of waiting for you to pop the question to her for 5 years since your son was born. She probably wanted that commitment from you and when you didn't speak up even after having a child with her and then waiting 5 years! she yearned for someone that wouldn't be afraid of that commitment.

Answer 5

It is not wrong to love someone but when that special someone is so corrupt that she cheats on you the best way is to break away with her completely and not even think of ever getting back together.You are loving filth .Do yourself a favor break away from her completely.

Answer 6

I am so sorry this has happened to your family. I recommend that you try marriage counseling if your wife is willing. It would be so much better for everyone if you could work it out. If not get yourself a good lawyer and lots of supportive friends and family.

Answer 7

Just remember that everything happens for a reason. Maybe it's for the best. Do you really want to stay with a woman that isn't in love with you?

Answer 8

First of all, sorry that ur going through this..second of all, u need to put ur son first right now, and dont fall for the see him when ever u want stuff get that in writing..because women will say that but doesnt mean they all do it..so if ur not going to fight for custody then get the visitation down in writing that u want..dont assume anything, always best to have it in stone that way no one can change it after the fact..
Love does exsist, just unfortunately we put all our love and faith into people that dont deserve it..some arent mature enough to go for the long haul.. i doubt sincerely that the guy she's with now will last for very long, she chose for what "looked" greener on the other side but i doubt it will last forever..
My x husband left me and our two sons for a co-worker that he thought he was in love with, even bought her an engagement ring just 4 months after seperating from me and before our divorce and a month after that he found out she was cheating on him...and that comes from being or choosing people that have no respect for others marriages or commitments, and thats what she has now, a man that had no respect for ur's and her's commitment, so she'll get what she asked for eventually..by not seeing the bigger picture of what she's gotten herself into..
It sux loving someone so much having children with that person just to wake up one day and find out that everything u trusted in and believed in is gone.. and sometimes it takes only a short time to get over some times it takes years to get over, doesnt mean that every woman that comes into ur life will do the same thing to u, most women want the fairy tale, the happily ever after with one man, the dream... so dont let her immaturity and her lack of values , kill ur lack of faith in love and relationships.. just be pickier about who u choose to make a real commitment to the next time, someone that believes in the same things that u do , and can prove that to u prior.. people show who they are and who they will be if u look close enough and see between the lines of things they do or say on a regular bases.. and im sure if u look hard enough at ur x and the past, with u or with others u will see u should of paid more attention to "red warning flags" that were thrown up , but that u dismissed for one reason or another...it took me 9 years to get over my x husband leaving me enough to move forward with my life.. i dated , even had long relationships but i couldnt take the next step because i couldnt trust, or i feared that they would crush me like he did, and for awhile i hoped if i just stayed away from marriage that one day he'd wake up and want to come back and make our family whole again.. but i finally realized that the person i loved was the person i married years ago, and hes not that same person.. the person i married would of never even thought of hurting me or our children, he would of died before crushing my heart..the person he is now, doesnt love me could careless about our children and what happens to any of us, and that person i hate.. its as if i had to realize that i love a man that no longer exsists, as if i was a widow mourning over her dead husband, because the man that walks the earth in his place is someone i dont know and i cant stand anymore... do i love the man i married years ago, yes..and i came to terms with the fact that i'll love him till the day i die..but i also came to terms with the fact that, that man no longer exsists in this world.. im just upset that it took me so many years to realize it before i could move on..
Im now married to a wonderful man, who is a great father to my children..and im greatful of having him in my life..and i love him dearly, and he knows how i feel about my x but he also knows that he has nothing to worry about cause the man my x is i cant stand.. again its as if my x husband is dead to me and someone horrible has taken his place.. so dont think OMG shes married and just said she loves her x cause its not like that.. i wouldnt trade my husband in for anyone i just wish i had met my husband now alot sooner in life.. and i wish i wouldnt of wasted so much time and energy on someone that didnt deserve it..

Good luck

Answer 9

Dude go get some chronic,liquor, and a gun......that route works for some.