what should i do about my marriage?

Question

How can I comunicate with my husband without upsetting him? I feel that if we dont have a serious conversation that things will only get worse! I am unhappy and dont know what to do we have a daughter together and one on the way. I dont want to give up but I dont see him changing from his horrible ways of being hypacritical and controling. We have had a few break ups in the past two years he always promises to be this completly diffrent person and begs me back and in no time he is back to his old ways of verbal abuse and cussing and keeping me stuck at home all the time. If I dont answer the phone because I am attending to the baby and dont pick up he gets so mad and says there is no reason i shouldn't have the phone by my side and yells and gets mad, and I call him back within a few minutes, its not like hours go by! I dont understand why he is so angry and controlling all the time. I feel I go above and beyond for him so he is not upset and he never seems to be happy what do i do?

Answer 1

Stand up for yourself. Know that you don't deserve this abuse. Get on some birth control as soon as you have this new baby. If he keeps knocking you up, he can keep controlling you and keep you at home. Do not have another baby with this man unless he gets help. Continually bringing children into this situation is irresponsible and not the actions of a loving mother. Get some counselling together as a couple. If he doesn't go for it, leave. Do you have someone you can stay with for awhile? Do you have access to the money he earns and a vehicle? Take it and take the kid and leave.

Answer 2

funny the about a leopard dear, it will never change it's spots and l think you know that you can't teach an old dog new tricks.
l feel for you, he's just being unreasonable and disrespecting, why should he get mad, you looking after his child and you're carrying another, sometimes men we should be compassionate, helpful.....
try to talk to him and approach him this time in way of not putting the blame on him, because if you do, he'll be so defencive and start attacking you, so ask him like, "sweetie, when you call and l don't pick up, it's not like I'll be dissing you but I'll be with the baby and l'll be calling you back as soon as l'm free...."
look at it dear, you've a lot to look out for, the baby, you and your pregnancy, if it's hard for him to cope will all this and use anger to hide, you might as well leave him, because his no help to you, how can he be jealous of his own kid, that's sick, keep at an arms distance, before he turn that anger to violence and abuse...
take care

Answer 3

You just described my first marriage. He ain't going to change and there is nothing you can do about it. Talk, cry, and scream all you want, it's not going to get any better. Does he check the milage on the car or expect you back from the grocery store with in a certain amount of time too? He's treating you like a flea bitten dog. For the good of your children and you just leave him. Might as well do it now cuz you're going to eventually. The sooner the better. I left with a 2year old and a baby on my own. You can do it too. It's so much easier raising them alone than with a control freak of an affhole making all of your decisions for you. I wish you well and luck. GIRL POWER!

Answer 4

If he is that controling then you need to get now. Easier said than done, I know. You need to ask yourself if that is the type of situation you want your children growing up in. But if you decide to stay, let him know how things are--reverse the roles. For instance, talk to him about how you feel when he calls and you can't answer the phone because you are tending the baby. Explain your feelings to him. Then go your parents or a friends house while he tends to the baby. Be sure and call him as often as he calls you. Maybe then he will get the full picture of tending to the baby. Remind him of his promises to you. Let him know you aren't going to put up with the crap he is doing. But my best advice to you is, if he promises to change and actually does it, but then goes back to the way he was, then there is no changing him. You don't need the emotional abuse and your children don't need to around it either. You need to leave. But that won't happen until you have had your fill of it. I wish the best for you in whatever you decide to do.

Answer 5

Wow, what a tough situation. If you can't get this guy to communicate honestly and openly and cut the crap soon you are headed for real trouble.
Was he like this before you got married? If he wasn't then I would find his behavior suspicious. No one can and or should stay married to a control freak. You are describing mental abuse of the worst kind.
There needs to be action before it destroys you and the children. A marriage is built on TRUST and LOVE. This sounds of neither on his behalf. You cannot continue being under this control freak.
I'm not so sure that this guy is happy with having children. Has his sleeping patterns become strange or weird? If so, he may be using drugs and this is contributing to the insecurity and freaking out and control issues. Don't rule this totally out. It may be a matter of time before physical abuse enters the picture. God forbid.
SOMETHING is causing these anger tirades and it MUST STOP.
Please, seek help. Your life may depend on it.

Answer 6

sorry but your married to a control freak.. and unless he seeks help he wont change, and it will only get worse with time, im sure u've noticed the changes in him from what it was at the beginning to now and how they increasingly get worse..name calling is probably worse..temper flaring up has gotten worse. Its like living with Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hide.. and u never know which is going to walk through the door..u find urself walking on egg shells , and im wondering when the physical abuse comes, if it hasnt already.. he's got the control down, the verbal abuse down, only thing missing is the physical and usually that will eventually show its ugly head..

So u have a children in this.. im wondering how long it will be before u decide that they shouldnt be growing up in such a verbally abusive, controlling environment.. before u actually either decide to get out, or give him a wake up call that forces his hand to get help for his anger issues??????

Although u broke up and he promised to change, how long was the break up? did he have to prove he changed before u went back, did u make him get counseling before u came back.. probably not.. so after a short time of treating like a queen , he had u back on his turf and started treating u poorly again, why? cause u made it to easy for him.. so its ur call, stay and deal, or leave and be a strong woman for your children and make him get help before going back just because he's sweet to u for a moment..
I know what im talking about, took me 5 years and a child later to finally get strong enough to leave a controlling verbally, mentally, physically abusive man.. and im still trying to deal with the mental scars from it all.. and it was so hard to leave because he was the father of my daughter, but eventually u give up, u go numb, become so depressed that ur not a good wife and ur definately not a good mother.. and when u see ur child protecting u from their daddy trying to take the blame for something stupid that u did, so that they get in trouble instead of u maybe u'll open ur eyes and realize as i did, that u have to protect your child first even if its from a life with their father in it daily....

Answer 7

Wow, I feel like I just got out of the same relationship that you are in. He would call when I was at class or at dinner and be very upset that I did not answer the phone. Also, he would tell me something that he claimed to strongly believe, but then he would not stay consistent with it when it wouldn't work for his way. He accused me of being "too social" when I would simply like to enjoy a work Christmas party (with him) or go out to a movie with a friend or something of the likes (I wouldn't even leave him home because he lives in a different state).
I would say that your husband, (like you say) is very controlling and selfish.
I hate saying this becuase it is an answer that a lot of people gave me when I asked for advice about my past relationship, but have you thought about talking to someone else about it. Also, you may have to leave and be gone for awhile for him to realize that he may lose you completely if he does not get his act together. I am greatly opposed to divorce, but I do believe that if any type of abuse is involved that it is an option. You do not want your kids to be raised in this environment or also model after him and become the same way.
I hope that he does change and realizes that he is going to have to grow out of his ways. He sounds very insecure. I really do not know of any great life changing solutions for you to give him but a lot of patience may be needed for him if you do want to work things out. He will have to talk and also be willing to listen. Patience is vital, but for the both of you. You can't make excuses for him being mean to you.
Best wishes and prayers.

Answer 8

Well you people should go under some counseling . And before things get bad to worst you people should sit down and have a clear discussion, or may be u should start like where are u going wrong. U know sometime it happens due to lots of work pressure and all also . why don’t you people try a trip out for some days , keep apart from your day-to-day work and spend some time to analyze where you people went wrong actually.

Answer 9

Get into couples or marriage councelling quickly. This situation isn't healthy for you or your children. Your husband could also benefit from individual councelling.....his control is choking his family and in the end will only damage himself. If he refuses then make a decision on what's most important for your peace of mind as well as you children's and stick to it....no matter how hard you think it may be it can't be any harder than what you're putting up with now. Much luck.

Answer 10

some guys are very controlling...my b/f tends to be that way....we butt heads because of it...somedays he's a sweetheart...and other days, it's like...who is this person? I would try to work it out since you are pregnant...and have one child....if it continues (and usually men don't change..not for good...they go back to their old ways) I would do something about it....like a trial separation....just hold tight...and try to work it out...time will tell.