My Husband is distant and moody?

Question

Well here is the deal my husband is distant and moody. he works all day and into the night and gets home at 9 or 10. he walks through the door and immedatly starts yelling at me. What should i do?

I tried to talk to him tonight and it just got him even madder he says his life sucks. But i think he has a good life at home i wake him up git him coffee git his clothes for him. i also take care of our three wonderful kids. all i do is say how was your day and he starts yelling at me about stupid stuff like if there are dishes in the sink he's mad. i even give him sex all the time ask him what would make him happy and he says to give him a new life.

Answer 1

Do not listen to ppl who are saying avoid him/kick him out.

Psychologically men are not trained by the society to express their emotions in the public. The society doesnt think its manly. So a man simply does not have the liberty to cry like a woman. But emotions are not really suppressed and they emerge in one or the other form. The best way for a male psychie to express that in what he thinks is a manly way is to yell at someone. Its not at you he is yelling. Please understand that. There is something really bad going in his life and he is sad and frustrated about that. And thats what you are viewing as his anger.

Now...make good food for him (or order it from out..whatever you do it should capture his atention)

Give him a good massage/neck rub

Dress nice and make love to him...destroy the root of stress from his head.

Now he is back from hell use the intimacy of aftersex to ask him what the problem is. You are a woman. Mental support and reinforcement is what we men expect from you as our other half.
.....good luck and let me know if this worked.

Answer 2

Follow him through the day to see if he is actually going to work or if he is having an affair. If he really is at work the entire time then, I would wait until you calm him down and then try to find out what is really troubling him. Take notes when and what he is yelling about and try to change them. Usually when a person reaches a point of yelling this means that they have asked you several times at a normal tone and you didn't hear them so, now they are angry and frustrated at the same time. He could be in some kind of pain too. That sometimes makes a person yell all the time. If he's having an affair then, pack his bags while he is at work the next day and drop them off at the house you followed him going to.

Answer 3

Make sure you are asleep when he comes home.

Really, you need to talk to him. Just don't do it when he comes home that late. He will definately not be in the mood to hear it. Try it on a day off or something. He probably has alot going on that you don't even know. Maybe he's upset because he works so long into the night and you have long been home. Figure out if you can handle him not working overtime so often...if his job will let him off earlier. Or, can he get another job? Something is going on and the two of you are in this for the long haul...figure it out and don't let it come between you two. Good luck.

Answer 4

My husband was like this. He'd get home from work and start yelling at us. Just before Xmas he told me he was leaving me cos he wasn't happy. I gave him the option of staying and he did but i then found out that he had got close to a woman at work. He was still having regular sex with me.
Your dh might not be doing the same but take a look at his cell phone, go through his pockets, if your know any of his workmates phone them to see if he is acting strange around them, phone his parents and see if they know anything, if he's working late is getting extra money?, do some digging around if he won't talk to you and you may find out what is causing his anger.
I wish i had just taken a look at my husbands cell phone when he started being so cross with me because i would have seen all the texts and phone calls he was making to his "friend".
BTW we are still together and trying hard to make a go of it. I am doing my best to make him feel special and wanted.

Answer 5

He sounds like a really self-centered, manipulative jerk. Not someone most sane people would want to spend much time with, much less their life.

Why let anyone talk to you like that? Yeah, I'm sure he's got problems, but so do you. You stay home w/ 3 kids, for god's sake. My hat's off to you. And his should be, too. You have to decide what's right for your life, but if I were in the situation, I'd tell him to start treating you with some respect or go find someone else to verbally abuse.

Answer 6

You say talking to him doesn’t work… How is you going to him? Calm, bickering, or loud. Fix him a candle light dinner, that way you can talk to him about whats going on in your marriage. He tells you his life SUCKS. Ask him what make his life suck, is it you, the kids or his job. Tell him how could you make the situation better. And if he still pushes you away…. It more then what you think is going on….maybe it’s another women. And just because you have sex with him all the time, doesn’t mean its solving the problem.

Answer 7

What should u do? nothing.. whats there to do.. he's the one going through this , and he's going to have to get through this himself .. he's depressed, and unfortunately he's taking it out on u, he's not going through anything that is really unusual for anyone to go through we all go through times that we feel life isnt what we thought it would be..we have this fantasy of what our lives will be or should be, and unfortunately it hardly ends up that way.. he's obviously tired from working so hard, and he's probably feeling a bit burnt out..and unfortunately he's taking it out on you.. its a Down slope, in ur marriage is all, we all go through them some worse then others..best u can do is try to support him through it.. he probably gets upset when u talk to him because he feels that he's letting u down, that "great im not a good husband either" feeling.. because he's not to a point of bucking up and realizing what he has and how much he has, instead right now he's feeling like a failure probably in all area's of his life.. and until he pulls himself out of this, there isnt much u can do.. try to be patient, try to be understanding, perhaps go the extra mile to make him happy , and if it continues, give him a wake up call...

Answer 8

He needs to reflect upon the reasons why he married you in the first place. You obviously had things in common. What does he say when he yells at you? Is he complaining about work? Is he complaining about you? I would confront him and tell him how YOU feel. You have a right to express yourself just like he does to you. Something evidently is lost in the relationship. If it's a job thing, tell him to find another one, or even two part-time jobs. If he says it's you, try to work it out. If you can't, leave him if it gets worst.

Answer 9

So what about his life is so bad according to him? Communication. You have to ask specific questions that can not be answered with yes and no's.

Frankly I've never dealt well when people yell at me, and I've been know to tell people who yell at me to get out of my home until they can behave appropriately.

Answer 10

its obvious, something is bothering him. find out what it is. pay attention to what he's not saying. what is he yelling about? is it really the issue or is he just looking to yell? he's not happy about something. 1st and formost find out what it is, not by yelling back but waiting for a quiet moment or something. if you can afford it the two of you go somewhere for a couple of days, no kids, just you, let him know you care about him and want to know what you can do to help him be less grouchy.