i am living with an alcoholic and love him dearly. i know the best thing to do is to leave but it's not always easy.does anyone have any words of encouragement for me?
2007-01-10 16:52:05 · 12 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
http://www.alanon.org
2007-01-10 17:01:09 · answer #1 · answered by John L 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm 22 and have had an alcholic dad. He is not abusive and is a "happy drunk." But he is also a very different person when he is drunk. My mom has been in the same position as you for over 20 years. My advice would be to have OPEN COMMUNICATION with eachother so you can both put yourself in the others' shoes. When you feel that you understand eachother the best you possibly can, YOU have to make a choice: stay with him and FULLY accept him the way he is with no resentment, OR leave him and move on.
2007-01-11 01:09:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can tell him that you love him with all your heart, but you need to move on and meet other people, and he does too. If you care about keeping in contact, become just friends and don't lose everything between you. But you're right, the best thing to do is to leave, and no matter how much you think you'll be able to change him, it will really be difficult. Good luck with everything :)
2007-01-11 00:59:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, calm down.
It may still come to leaving him, sometimes it takes coming to rock bottom to realize a problematic behavior, but If you are ademant about helping him you first need to know how to deal with the person.
It's typical that an alcoholic
1) Denies his/her behavior is harmful to themselves and others.
2) Often times resort to violence when they are angry + drunk simultaneousely.
I personally beleive you should try to seek help for the person. Search out a support group, either for you (To start) and later on for the other person.
Unfortuneately, without region, It is difficult to give you precise resources, but I hope this is a great starting point.
If the person is violent, it is not wise to remain in the same home/apartment/condo with them, but if you care for them, seeking for them help is always a wise decision.
2007-01-11 01:06:07 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to help him. List some things you've noticed in his life that have declilned/not going so well becuz of his drinking. Confront him at a time when you're feeling close...do it very gently. Tell him you are thinking about leaving, but are willing to stay to try to help him (only if you mean it). Sobriety isn't easy, but it probably won't be as nearly as hard as he thinks. It's just scary...taking that step. Don't push him too hard. If he's not ready and he's willing to choose drinking over you, leave him. But....make it clear that you will remain his friend but that his destructive behavior is hurting you too much for you to stay....
2007-01-11 01:02:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i would say, just do what you feel is right. Like you said, the best thing to do is leave, but try understand your heart on this. Do you love him enough to stay with him? Or maybe you don't love him as much as you thought you did, to feel the best thing to do is to leave. Its your decision. And i would also say, take care of yourself first, and don't suffer b/c of him.
2007-01-11 01:00:55 · answer #6 · answered by ♥♫_jasmine_♫♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can only say that it sounds like you know what you must do. It is gonna hurt, but continuing to live with him and suffer because of him won't cure his alcoholism but it will hurt you.
Even if you do move out, you may still be able to call him and support him. Perhaps if he loses you, it will give him motivation to fix himself and hopefully find another girl someday.
2007-01-11 00:59:01 · answer #7 · answered by harpy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how does he act when he's drunk or sober? as long as you've been with him has anything you've said or done made a difference? you are never his problem and never his reason. do you feel you deserve to be treated how he treats you? when you weigh the pros against the cons of staying with him verses leaving him which one tips the scales.
alcoholism is a disease, are you an enabler to him? if so you do him no good to be compliant.
2007-01-11 01:01:10 · answer #8 · answered by sunshyne 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pray for him that the alcohol would become nasty to his taste and that his life would turn around. I'll pray for him my self to.
2007-01-11 00:58:00 · answer #9 · answered by Smiley 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
self control is must try 2 divert ur attention 2 aware things and trust in god, and i think by this u can control ur in take.
2007-01-11 01:00:29 · answer #10 · answered by ShreeNathan 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You must take care of yourself! He is not capable of taking care for your needs, so, put yourself first!
2007-01-11 00:57:21 · answer #11 · answered by lady_blu_iz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋