We have been married almost 2 years now and I am not very happy! We have split up a couple times now and I just dont know what to do? I feel like I am trapped in a place I really dont want to be! He is verbally abusive and I am finding myself starting to be the same way too! He has cheated on me once before I think I have forgave him for it but, we just have diffrent aspects of life I stay home all the time and when he is home we stay home too if we go out it is always the same old hting movis and dinner. I have always enjoyed socializing dancing and having fun with him by my side! He said that we will never do that again! He is very hipacritical, he wants to live a christian life, which I don't mind! We are now only allowed to listen to certain music and not go out and have a couple drinks but, he cusses like its nobodys buisness and likes to look at nude women. I am frusterated and dont know what to do!!!!
2007-01-10 16:33:50 · 33 answers · asked by socalgal 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't despair; there's only one thing you should tell him:
"Don't let the doorknob hit you where the dog should have bit you."
2007-01-10 17:52:10 · answer #1 · answered by Tiberius 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm! Seems like he changed some of the rules of engagement after the marriage vows took place. He wined you, & dined you, & landed a housekeeper & a maid, so now he can slip out of his superhero costume & let you see his real identity.
If he's determined to live one type of life, & it's at odds with the kind of life you want to live, then you owe it to yourself to step out of the relationship. Even if it's for a brief period. I hope there aren't any kids in the mix. But that doesn't really make a whole lot of difference in the long run because if the parents aren't happy then the kids aren't going to be happy either. Plus they need to live in a happy environment, so they can recognize one when they see one after they grow up & leave on their own.
If you don't have kids yet then don't go having any until you get your marriage sorted out one way or the other.
I was shocked by his apparent statement that the two of you will never be able to socialize & have fun together again. What did you do to him to deserve a sentence like that?
The verbal abuse, the changing of the rules, the cheating, are all in themselves what I would consider to be deal breakers.
No one would fault you if you left him. At least for awhile until you can have time to think, & decide how you want to live the rest of your life.
Take care of yourself.
2007-01-10 16:53:18 · answer #2 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, he is not the one unless you are in to rescuing animals. You need to think for yourself do you love him with his flaws or are they so outrageous that you want to be caught dead with him.
Staying at home (make it not his chose) find some people who like to kick it and set a date to go out tell him you are going (and that it's a birthday party of a certain friend) You really need to be there.
What you have right is a man who is trying to show his manhood while he is married (that's fine ) so when he says something *** nine then you kiss him laugh and say that was so funny . It completely dismisses what he just said.
Now if he says some stupid statement when you are not around then you excuse yourself take him home and wake him up with an argument(all men hate that) Tell him how hurt you were by his behavior and how you have made great strides to comfort his Friends. Than make him breakfast the way he hates it. And the next time you have to go out call it a business meeting. Go out alone.
2007-01-10 17:46:47 · answer #3 · answered by fabulosity 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This really does sounds like you're in a very hypocrticial situation w/ your husband. It sounds to me like he's trying to control you without making you think he's controlling you. It's really up to you on what you want to do, but nobody deserves to be abused in any way shape or form. I doubt if he will change & then you have to worry about if the abuse will escalate into something physical. Do you think there is an underlying reason why he doesn't want to go out anymore socializing & dancing? I find it strange that he doesn't want to go out anymore. People can live a Christian lifestyle & not be cut off from the rest of the world. Please try to put your happiness first, if you can't go on living like this--you have to make some decisions. By all means talk to your husband & try to think of a way you can talk to him w/out upsetting him to the point of yelling & verbally abusing you. If you can get through the initial discussion, maybe you both can try to initiate some ways that he can change & will make the both of you happy. Seriously, make sure you're comfortable & happy w/ whatever decision you make. You deserve to be happy.
2007-01-10 16:46:10 · answer #4 · answered by Blanketyblank 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't seem to be happy in your marriage at all. He is verbally abusive and cheated ...make plans now! how you will leave ,where can you go? who can you live with ?can you afford a place yourself ?what will you do if he tells you he will change or threaten you ?make a plans ahead of time and stick with it. the situation will not change..people don't change but so much and it sounds like your husband has a lot of problems to work out before he should be in a serious relationship again....good luck sweetie!
2007-01-10 16:45:02 · answer #5 · answered by zzbudzz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry things are how they are right now. Maybe you guys should consider counseling. Don't forget the vows you both agreed to "till death do us part" If all interventions are exhausted then I think maybe divorce would be an option. You both need to get on the same page. If the love is still there I think you should at least give it a shot to try to make things work. You both will have to take part in fixing your marriage and meet in the middle. Good luck, wishing you the best!!! Keep your head up!!!
2007-01-10 16:42:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a very practical person and I think if you are unhappy, and you don't see any solution or hope in this relationship..Just leave him specially if there are not kids involved, don't wait until you feel more trapped. When in a relationship there is not respect, there is very little left. I bet he is keeping you at home, you know why? Because maybe he has someone else and he does not want that someone sees you with him out.. Be smart and don't buy all his crap.
I bet you can do better on your own.
2007-01-10 16:48:49 · answer #7 · answered by getting_a_new_life 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you feel you made a bad choice in mates? Sounds that way. Or did it just evolve to be like this in which he is not truly ready for a loving relationship with a woman?
I think you two want different things in life and both of you should make efforts to attain those things. Yeah, I would get up and go.
If you came to see me, I would cook for you a gourmet fish dinner and then take you to a real nice (not too noisy) jazz club a few miles away. If that sounds great, it's because it is.
2007-01-10 16:46:20 · answer #8 · answered by Monsieur Rick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy sounds like a real head case. Dump him. The story you have told thus far is never going to have a happy ending. Be prepared for a violent reaction when you tell him you are leaving. He's going to dump a bunch of right wing Christian guilt on you.
What he is doing is emotional abuse. See a woman's support group for suggestions on how to get out of this and for goodness sakes NO KIDS if you don't have them already.
2007-01-10 16:47:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is trying to control you and is using his form of religious beliefs as an excuse, you can't be christ like and watch porn and cuss people out at the same time. He is a hypocrite, and since religion is his forte, tell him to look in his (what i'm sure is dusty as hell) Bible and find that section about how God punishes hypocrites severely. Life is too short for the bullshit, pack your shyt file for divorce and leave him be. If you stay it will only get worse.
2007-01-10 16:43:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow sounds like my husband. Get out now. I have been married for almost 8 years and we have 2 children and I dont know anything else but him. You deserve to be happy, so go be happy and find someone who want the same things as you do and who will love you for you. Find someone who does not put restrctions on your life, you will eventually learn to hate him.,
2007-01-10 16:38:37 · answer #11 · answered by Inactive 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋