What am I doing wrong as a female..to seem to not make other female friends...?

Question

I have found that I do not get along with most women. I of course am a woman also. I am 33 , professional and I work very hard at my job. I try so hard to get along with the other women at work. I talk to them and try to get in the middle of conversation at any chance I can. I can walk in the break room and everyone is cutting up and having a good time then I make a comment or say something funny at no expense to anyones feelings and I get looked at crazy like I said something stupid. I try to be normal and act regular and I get the cold shoulder and then I try to fit in by saying very nice things and complimenting someone on their hair or whatever and I end up gettting a ...yea whater..but thanks anyways kinda attitude. I am beginning to get an attitude myself because these people cant be pleased no matter what I do. I havent done anything that I know of to piss anyone off..Just everyone seems to hate me. Once I was secretively excluded from having after hours drinks with the girls.

Answer 1

feck them youm dont need them
meet people outside work

Answer 2

I have two theories. One is that you're intruding in their conversations and choosing a side that they don't like, the other one is more likely, and that is the following;

You are the alpha female, you have respect and admiration from the men that work with you and you do a good job, and look good doing it. Women are very jealous creatures, so its hard to be a woman and make friends with a woman if you are above or below them in the social circle. You can work the same job as all the other girls and get paid the same, but they will still recognize you as being different by how hard you work, your appearance, or anything else you are they wish they had, and they will resent it.

My advice is that you could just walk into the room and sit down, act like you don't care what they're talking about, then look up and smile at anyone who stares you down for it, and just say hi, at least one of them will probably eventually warm up to you, and if you come in and everyone stops their conversation, don't start a new one with a statement, ask an open-ended question ie. "Hey Jessica, I was going to go (here), do you know any good places to eat around (here)." If she snubs you off, it ain't worth your time and if you are able to make a friend with another woman, you have a friend for life.

Answer 3

Females are sometimes very catty. It could be that there is a rumor going around about you that you need to find out about. Or if you are in a higher position than the other women they may feel that you can't fit in with them. By the sound of the way they are acting I would say that someone has started a rumor about you and the other women don't want you to do whatever that is to them so they keep away. That is one of the most common things that females do in the work place for no real reason at all. I think that you should try to befriend the next female person hired at your job before she gets a chance to hook up with the other co workers. If she starts to act strangely toward you you have the perfect opportunity to ask why it seems all the women act this way and what you have done to make her change. Good luck

Answer 4

Smile more, say good morning, treat people as you want to be treated. Maybe your body language says more than you want it to. Be professional but be a softer new you! The more you smile and are light-hearted, more will be attracted to spend time with you. Then again, sometimes there are people that cannot be pleased, and when all is said and done, why would you want to go out with them anyway? Do your job and do it well. That's what matters at work. Not the coffee room click. Find some outside groups or volunteer after hours or on a weekend in an environment you enjoy. You'll meet people that enjoy what you enjoy! A win-win situation. There is life after 5PM ... Good luck.

Answer 5

I have a couple thoughts for you. First, are you a boss or in a position of authority over them? If so, that may be part of the problem. It takes special skills to be able to be in charge over people and still be friends outside the work place. They may feel like they cant relax or be themselves around you. Imagine you being a teenager and you were going to hang out with your friends, and your dad wanted to tag along. Wouldnt be able to be yourself, would you? Its kinda the same thing. It takes some real skills to be able to be be in charge over people and tell them what to do, and at the same time, compliment them and encourage them so they feel good about their job and feel appreciated. The other thought I had is that maybe there is something about your attitude, or how you relate to others. Do you make friends outside of work? Anyway, I have the same answer for both situations. Go to a couple of your friends that your are closest to, or maybe even a relative, and ask them this question."What is it about me that makes people not want to be friends? What am I doing wrong? Tell them you really want to know. Next step is to listen to what they say and use it as a learning experience and not automatically reject what they are saying. There may be some truth to what they say. Use that info as an oportunity to better yourself. It may be allittle humbling, but it will be worth it. Make the changes, and learn those skills I was talking about. There are lots of good books out there on that kind of stuff. Or, if you have the money, some counselors can help you develop those skills.Remember that none of us are perfect. It is a sign of maturity when a person is willing to make improvements in ones self. Hope this helps..

Answer 6

Are you butting into conversations that those speaking may want to remain private? When you come into a room, listen to what is being said, and make a desertion if you need to add to a conversation. You may be disrupting important conversations that happen between two individuals that may not want a third party ( You or anyone else).

Just listen, and if it sounds personal go back to your work or go off alone or find someone you really like. A word to the wise not all people like each other, sometimes we have to work with those we really would not care to be friends with.

So, look out for your self, and stay away where you feel uncomfortable, some people may call it shy, sometimes its called playing it smart.

Good luck, perhaps chat with a nice fellow in the office...

RD
http://dogwoodsquotes.blogspot.com

Answer 7

I'll bet anything that you are a very attractive woman. My sister has the same problems with females because she is pretty and a lot of females are very jealous of that. She tries to be as nice and sweet as she can be, but most females still don't like her and are very catty with her. Don't sweat it though. Look at it as their loss because their the ones missing out on a wonderful friend. Don't get an attitude and stoop to their level. Stay a sweet, good person and you'll be much better off in life. Good luck!

Answer 8

You know what dont allow girls like them change the way you really are.It seems to be that they are probably jealous of you and they try to make it seem like your the problem but really it's them.They are a bunch of immature girls not women hahaha.So next time you walk into a room and they are talking go about your buisness dont let it bother you.People like that want a reaction from you and when you dont give it to them they pretty much leave you alone.So dont be hard on yourself,who needs friends like that not you.And so what if they exclude you from having drinks with them you probably would have a miserable time anyways.Stay up your not the problem it's them.

Answer 9

Maybe co-workers may not be the best source of female friends for you. They may not regard you as a peer esp. if you are in a professional capacity, supervisor, or there is a notable educational difference. I know professional women, and usually their women friends are found other than at work, such as through other friends, professional associations, clubs, etc. Also, you may be unaware that the men in the office think you are the HOTTIE and that gets around to the women in the office . . . jealousy prevails. I've seen it happen more than once. I doubt really it is about you at all.

Answer 10

i read this and i end up asking questions myself...like r u the new to the job? and y r u trying so hard to b liked? maybe u r trying to hard and it is coming across a fake...women can b petty and childish especially if they view u as an "outsider"...besides if they are acting like this and they are adults like u...y wud u wanna be apart of their "clique"? Just do ur job to the best of ur abilities...they hired u to work not to make friends...sorry if this sounds a little harsh, but u r 33 not a teenager and u shouldn't be wasting ur time with these ladies...just be urself...they r probably just hating on u anyway...we women tend to do that when we view another woman as a threat.

Answer 11

i imagine your honestly precise, usually. females are taught by society from start that looks are better substantial than something else. Therefor, jealousy performs an excellent rule interior lady communities. the solid information is, often yet not continually, human beings strengthen out of this variety of questioning, and that is once you'll discover better real friendships.