I have recently, physically, seperated from my spouse of 7 years. Although I am definitely no longer in love with this woman, cant remember ever being really connected, ya know I never remember the marriage being great, just some times that were not so bad,, she doesnt want to let it go, calls crying, wanting me to come home. We have a daughter , whom I love, but I was in enough misery to leave and tell her I am wasnt in love and had no romantic feelings for her anymore and didnt want to waste years more of our lives. I guess shes not convinced it was that bad. Being with her sucked for me, the only reason I stuck around as long as I did was for our child. I could file for divorce, was hoping to convince her to since she's already got lawyer paid for (no refunds ya know). I just want out ASAP.
2007-01-10 16:19:55 · 26 answers · asked by opfl30 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You can't. How lucky for you that she's the only one in pain. Oh well, as long as you are happy, I guess that's all that matters. I'm curious how this is effecting your daughter. I'll bet she's the one who is really suffering. That's probably contributing more to your wife's issues than anything else. Sometimes we women will hold onto even the most self-centered spouses in order to keep our children happy.
2007-01-10 16:25:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you file for divorce she will probably get the hint when they serve her the papers. Depending on the state you are in, you might be able to get an Administrative Dissolution, that means you file a Marital Termination Agreement that you both sign. Since there is a child one of you will have to have an attorney ... or in some states both will have to have an attorney, but one can just "look at" the Marital Termination Agreement and "OK" it. The child support formulas are pretty standard in most states, so not too much discussion. The MTA is filed with the Administrative Dissolution, it's filed and sent to a judicial officer and then usually approved without a hearing and you get notice of the divorce. If the judicial officer is not clear about something or thinks the division of assets, chilld support, etc ...i.e. the MTA is unequitable then he/she will schedule a hearing.
2007-01-11 00:29:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
We'll she's obviously still loves you but all you can really do now is wait.Try not to talk to her so you feel less guilty when she cries to you.You are doing the right thing but 7yrs is a long time what a shame that you had to wait this long.A child is better off with parents that are friends not enemys.So stay in touch with your daugther and one day she will understand the situation, and as far as your spouse give her time.She will get over you one day and find someone who does love her.Get a divorce quick.
2007-01-11 00:30:24 · answer #3 · answered by marty 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honesty is the best policy in every area of our life. Exhaust every effort before you make the final decision. You may not stay in the marriage but a child is forever and this child deserves the best from both parents. Do you think counseling would help? After all, you loved her enough to marry and make a child. Make sure you want out for all of the right reasons. Good luck!
2007-01-11 00:27:18 · answer #4 · answered by daffodil 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if she already paid for the lawyer she must be ready for the divorce but never the less it will not be easy. It does sound like you are giving up a little easy. You will find that the grass is not any greener on the other side. It won't be easy for either one of you especially the little girl as she will have scars forever. Her father is her role model for the man she will eventually get involved with.
2007-01-11 00:28:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its time to be honest with her and yourself. More than likely you are seeing someone else, tell her the total truth. If she has been your spouse for seven years she deserves the truth. You also said you are hoping to convince her to file the divorce, let me get this straight, you want the divorce, the marriage sucked for you, she wants to work it out, she is crying her eyes out, but you want her to do all work involved and file for the divorce?? I am wondering why she wants to hang onto you so badly.
L.
2007-01-11 11:15:28 · answer #6 · answered by tink3610 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you've always been bi- curious and want to see what it's like to be w/a man. Tell her your so sorry, but men turn you on right now, and you find urself attracted to them more and more. That she deserves to have a man who loves her and you cannot be that man. That she's an awesome wonderful person and it REALLY does not have anything to do w/her, it's just you.
You both deserve to get as much out of your lives as you can,you only live once.
I believe romance should be #1 and marriage #2, because evenutally you just feel like brothers and sisters if it doesn't hopefully improve, which you've already made your decision, and she's just stressing you out. MOVE ON and start dating.
2007-01-11 00:42:52 · answer #7 · answered by Auntie Marie SueB 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Continue with the divorce. Try talking to someone in her family. Let them know she isn't taking it well. Maybe someone can be there for her. Sometimes you just have to end it. It's just a waste of time for both of you. I'm sure she'll see that in the future. Unfortunately sometimes women want a man by their side, no matter what the cost. Doesn't matter if we're happy or not. We need the security of knowing we're not alone, but sadly, we are alone whether we see it or not.
2007-01-11 00:28:03 · answer #8 · answered by mamabear 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would get with her to pan out the future and arrange child support payments. Prepare to split your retirement down the middle and arrange to insure your child and pay for all of her medical bills, dental bills, and schooling and set up an account for her education. Offer to help support your soon to be ex wife in whatever way you can until she is back on her feet. and when she finds a new man to take your place in her life and raise your daughter with her. You will know you are home free. Also, in the future when you are trying to date a new woman, dont forget to mention to her your child support payments and all of that stuff
She may want to re consider.
2007-01-11 00:34:18 · answer #9 · answered by happydawg 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't think you need to convince her. You just need to ignore her, the more you are in contact with her, the more difficult it will be. If you think you need to talk with her face to face do it again, explain and say to her why you wanted to move on, you don't need to hurt her more and you have to understand that she has not yet assimilate the fact that it is over. Just tell her, it is over, you can't do anything about it. Only time will convince her and if she still keeps calling don't answer the phone, leave the answering machine on, but please care of your child, cause your child needs you still.
This is something difficult for your ex, just give her sometime is too recently for her to understand that you are gone.
2007-01-11 00:29:35 · answer #10 · answered by getting_a_new_life 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋