what is supervised visitation? how can i make their dad agree?

Question

My kids' dad is wealthy but I only have a small pay to raise my kids with a little alimony (he says he rather throw his $$ into the drain than give me a cent more, I go for peace than $$). But he always bring them to shop for branded stuff and expensive restaurant, they always come back with latest gadgets and toys. it may be out of love or to show the kids it is better to be with him. But what abt the thrifty lifestyle we lead on wkdays and my nagging that hardwork and thrift are the values we shd have? They start to tell me "its not ur money, why u bother" and call me "stingy mummy". I can let their dad visit them for all the benefits of "having a father", but is it doing them good or harm? AND my kids are worried 1 day when their dad remarry, they will meet his new wife and kids and they will be devastated. SO, what can I do with supervised visitation? He hates the sight of me and openly display it in full sight of my kids, I can't go near him..

Answer 1

Interesting scenario. Here is what I would do.

1: Keep a written log of every item he purchases for the children. Track the cost. If you don't know the actual cost, then look it up. Note the date, etc. Keep meticulous records.

Should he one day alienate the children for a 'new' family, then sit down with an attorney, on behalf of the children, and present the log and ask if there is anything he/she can do to protect the children from loosing the lifestyle their father has made them accustomed to. After all, their father willingly provided this lifestyle for them even after the divorce he should be held accountable.

2: If the items are used at your home, set ground rules for their use. If the children don't want to go by the rules, then the items go back to their fathers house and they can use them there.

Above all else, like my daughter says "kill them with kindness" meaning be gracious in your interactions with your ex. Talk kindly about him in front of the children. If you don't have anything nice to say, then it's best not to say anything. Children don't like to choose between their parents and they really shouldn't have to, under most circumstances.

3: Share financial tracking with your children. You will teach them how to manage money and give them a realistic view of what it takes to keep a household together. Food, Gas, Electricity, Water, Clothing are expensive. They will be better off knowing how to manage money, then being surprised with it when they have to provide for themselves.

Be the better parent, be gracious in front of the children, and as they grow older, they will come to understand the dynamics.

Answer 2

Unfortunately supervised visitation is only ordered when there is some sort of physical risk to the children. As wrong as it may be, what he's doing is not against the law. The kids will be hurt when dad moves on but he has the right to do so...and so do you. Continue to show them that money doesn't grow on trees and they will be better people for it. As far as not seeing him-maybe a mutual friend or family member can be there when he gets the kids instead of you.

Answer 3

I am sorry but supervised visitation is not the answer to this problem. A discussion with your kids is the answer. They are not too young to understand that daddy has a lot of money but mommy doesn't. That doesn't mean that you love them less but it does mean that you have to make different choices when they are with you. You may have more time than money and so you can use your time to do fun things. You need to be creative so the kids see how people live in different ways. One is not better or worse than the other - just different. You can teach them to save money and be thrifty.

Having a father is very important to them. Taking that away would do much more harm then them having to understand the realities of life. Please continue to support their relationship with their father. That is the best thing you can do for them. And they will love you in the future because of it.

Good luck.

Answer 4

First off it sounds like he isn't giving them stuff because he loves them, he is doing it out of spite towards you and that is harming your kids more than it is you. When he gives you child support it is for the children yes but it is also for rent and food and clothing and no it doesn't have to be brand name. Also when he meets a new woman and they get married, if said woman has no children I have a suspicion that they will get busy on the children boat and that step mother will turn evil and show spite towards your children. I think that it would be wise if you get your children into counseling and get the opinion of an attorney if you can. Their father can not do stuff like that and get away with it. If you can have the counselor suggest that the father be involved in these sessions as well. If he refuses it and says he has no problem that is more fuel to put on the fire against him because if he truly didn't have a problem then he would have no problem talking explaining himself to the couselor. Get help soon, and best of luck with it...

Answer 5

I sympathize with you, unfortunately you cannot do anything about his buying the kids love.
Unless he has threatened the children's safety or threatened to keep them past the visitation schedule then you will not be able to get supervised visits, he would have to pay for those if ordered. You would need to et an attorney and have the order modified,
Good luck

Answer 6

Just because you cannot give your kids everything, doesn`t mean that you should deprive your children of everything. Let their father buy them things and take them places since you are not receiving that much alimony. But grateful that he at least is in their lives. He isn`t doing anything wrong that would warrant a supervised visit. If you keep trying to make the children feel as if their father is a bad person, you risk the chance of losing their affection and loyalty.

Answer 7

Supervised visitation is a recommendation by the court that the parent has questionable parenting skills and another person (usually a social worker) is present at all times during the visit to protect the child.
It is not something your ex can agree with or not agree with it is court mandated.
If your ex is not unfit he can have open visitation rights that you iron out in court or mediation (meaning you have sole custody)
or you can have joint custody . You will have to both come to an agreement or the court will decide for you.

Answer 8

i dont think people r understanding u they,re right he is not a threat to them jus a bit to u that,s not a bad thing it,s not right he gives them what the want when n where they wanted children need to learn the values of life n money cause daddy aint gonna be there 4 ever maybe u should write ur ex a letter xplainin u dont want to come between him & his kids but he needs to be with u on the upbringin of ur kids to teach them nothing but goood honest value n life is a hard work it aint a bed of roses Good luck pal xx P.S dont worry bout his attitude 2wards u ur kids i,m sure r clever enuff to understand wot he all about they probably grow up given u more respect than him because u the 1 who feet firmly on ground xx

Answer 9

Call an Attorney and ask about supervised visitation, but it is usually court ordered. Supervised by who you or protective services. By the way he is only buying them things to show material wealth. Hopefully you have smart kids who may one day see right through him and his bad ways!

Answer 10

Supervised visitation is ordered when one parent should not be left alone with the kids. That does not apply in your situation. It must bother you that you cannot buy them all that their dad can, but what can you do?