Trust issues?

Question

How can I learn to trust when everytime I do(not knowingly) I get hurt? Weather it be rejection from my mother, my family is not close at all, being raped or sexually assaulted or just being so much in love with some one and they turn out not to be what you thought they were. Also the loss of my own children, custody issues. I want to learn to trust so I don't push the man I really care alot about away. I could not take another rejection.

Answer 1

I respectfully suggest that trust is an outcome of a long term process. You describe incidence of emotional trauma that you will be reflecting on and working through (to one extent or another) every day you walk this earth. The nature of your question leads me to believe that you may be pushing yourself a bit too hard.

Here's the hard thing about getting over it (whatever the it or its in your life are) that those of us in American culture don't do a very good job of recognizing. You don't get to decide when that happens. You don't get to wake up one day and say, okay, as of right now I am over it and ready to move on. It happens (if ever) when it happens. You are simply along for the ride.

Please find someone you can talk to. A professional therapist, a clergy member, a sexual assault social worker, whoever it is, it is. Give yourself some time to heal. Don't put any artificial time lines on it. Better yet, recognize that time doesn't really heal anything, it simply gives you perspective. Realize that if the man in question loves you (presuming he's a real man) he will support you and grow with you through this process.

Please don't give up. You are worth every ounce of discomfort. You deserve to be happy. You are entitled to a measure of peace, security and a life filled with genuine love. Don't settle for less from anyone, including yourself. The reward for enduring the self reflection and addressing yesterday's wounds is NOT what you will get from it but WHO you become through it.

My wife and I both are wishing sunnier days (and shelter from impending storms) in your future.

Answer 2

Sweetie, I know what your going through I thought some how you read my life story. But I believe you when you say your hurt and tired of being hurt... so here is some advice, Don't give it away, now that mean a lot if you think about it, you don't owe anyone a damn thing so start trusting your own instincts and if you feel you can trust them then you do and if you feel you can't then you can't. You just have to know that people have to earn your trust just don't give it away because that's how you get burned. And for those " I'm not sure weather I could trust you people", just take it as a 50/50 chance, you could give them your trust but if they mistreat it then take it away and let them earn it back. Now if they stab you in the back then take it as a lesson learned and watch out for people like that. Cuz sweetie people where either born giver or takers that's how it will always be. Now for the children just always make sure they know you love them and this is not how you want things, DON'T buy their love it will just make things worst in the future. And when the day is just too damn HARD and you feel like plunging off the nearest cliff, Don't... say to your self I did the best I could and tomorrow is another day... I wish you the Best Hon... Don't give up k

Answer 3

The most I or possibly anyone can tell you is to be strong. Relationships haven't worked out in the past. When you think about it, think "so what?" I know it sounds easier than it actually is, but just push yourself into it. Trust is the easiest thing to lose and the hardest to get back. Also, start trusting specifically this person with small things, like some of your minor thoughts. Work your way up. Im sorry relationships haven't worked out in the past, but don't kill yourself emotionally over it. Open up to this person first, but very slowly, then open up to the rest of the world one person at a time. No matter how young you are (just a hopeful guess), but lifes to short to be stone hearted.

Answer 4

I'm the same way except I'm like that with trusting men( has nothing to do with any kind of abuse done to me). It seems like before you worry about some man's feelings you might need therapy to help yourself. As the saying goes "aint nobody gone love me like me" I don't mean this in a selfish way but take care of yourself first then you can deal with the rest of the world better. And I hope you can resolve the custody issue involving your children because they are also more important than some man.

Answer 5

While I have only been through a few of the things you listed above... I've found that the person you can trust is the one who shows you that you can do just that... trust them. Not just by what they say, more importantly by what they do. People ultimately do what they want, no matter what anyone says. So whomever is in your life, if they show you, really show you, not just say things to make you believe, it is because they WANT to. They want you to trust them. Not everyone is bad out there, even though sometimes it seems that way. And the most important thing is that you are able to trust yourself. Trust yourself to make good judgments, and trusting in others will come naturally. Keep your head up, you'll be fine.

Answer 6

Try seeing a councelor. If you really want and have decided that you want to fight this, I believe that is the best thing you can do. It's not easy learning to trust. I have not been where you have but I had my share of troubles in life and I can't stop messing my life up just because I think that something will go wrong or someone else will betray me. An experienced person will definitely not harm you, and if you decide at any point that you don't feel like talking to them, or that they don't understand you you can always ask for someone else. I think it's worth giving it a try.

Answer 7

It's not an overnight process. It takes a long time and some professional support/help as well as trusted friends. Find a healthy female therapist ... not a man basher ... and begin the journey. If you know a female minister that might be a good connection as well. You are right in saying "learn to trust" because most of what you have learned . . . and righfully so is reasons not to trust. I am sure your journey will be successful. Peace.

Answer 8

Wow! You seem to be in a spiral of self-destruction, and you REALLY need professional help. Think about it--you haven't been able to do it on your own, and insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
Remember, too, that love is given freely, but trust is earned--and if the people in your life are NOT earning your trust, it is probably time to change your support system for one with trustworthy people. That is important! Think about it! Best of luck.

Answer 9

Learn to rely on yourself 1st. There are always going to be people in this world who aren't worthy of your trust, & you need to develop the skills, & have enough faith in your instincts to recognise those who are.
You don't simply shower all of your trust on everyone you meet. Everyone at one level or another must earn your trust, & over time prove to you that they are worthy of your complete trust by virtue of their past behaviour with you, & others around you.
If you attach the bad behaviour of a person from a previous relationship on to the man who is currently in your life, then you are being unfair to him, & of course you will push him away.
A new man means he gets to start with a clean slate.
Yes you learn from past experiences, but there is a difference between learning from the past, & carrying around baggage.
This guy that's in your life now, isn't your mother, your rapist, or the one who took the custody of your children, or the last guy who hurt you.
Give him a chance, so that the two of you have a chance.

Answer 10

tough one u just have to Young people u can't really trust as in relationships the older a person gets the more they trust each other. cause they all ready been there an done that an lost so they learned the hard way.if your a jellos person u will have trust echoes.so i say jealousy is something u have to live with out. lost my kids the same way, just remember they will always be YOUR kids an will always come to u,now i work with my son he always is with me now.life is hard an people always will say go to god fore help there fools